Tagged
I've been tagged by Tsedek.
10 things about myself:
1. When I was 9, my father taught me advanced math, including algebra. I was considered a wunderkind or something of that kind by my whole class during my early years in school.
2. I think a lot about everything. About the future, the past, the present. Making up stories, ideas. Thinking about what other people might be thinking and how to make sure they would understand me and not get offended. Often thinking too much, hesitating to say it and missing the right timing.
3. Love has always been the most important thing in my life. I fell in love for the first time when I was 7, thinking about her day and night, dreaming about kissing her on the cheek and so on.
4. I always hated to be told that I'm too young to understand something, that I'm not old enough for a certain girl. Even though I look a few years younger than my actual age, I'm more mature than most people of my age and older.
5. I have a large folder with all kinds of artifacts and letters from the past that have a certain meaning to me.
6. Until the age of 12 I had no interest in music. I had a few tapes which I'd brought with me from USSR and I kept listening to them over and over again until I was 12. Only then did I discover MTV and VH1, when my friends told me of a few popular bands... Then I started to create some music of my own. I took piano lessons for 2.5 years and since then I'd written over 80 melodies, some of which could undoubtedly be highly popular and successful if they are to be recorded professionally.
7. Dale Carnegie's books had a big influence on my life. Why? Go read it yourself! ;)
8. I love this world and I love all the people. I give twice the respect to people from foreign countries, especially to tourists who visit Israel.
9. I'm a very emotional person, but I try to hide it whenever it's seen as a form of weakness.
10. Time is my worst enemy. It's the one obstacle that you can't beat no matter what. I believe that time is our real wealth. We are born equally wealthy and we must choose wisely how to spend this fortune - the time of our lives.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
In search of reason
10th October, 2004
2 days of our vacation have been taken away. Our officer wanted to organize a 2-day trip to Jerusalem and Sdot-Yam, a kibbutz near Caesarea and Hadera where Kobi lives (a commander from our platoon). A female soldier, whose job is being a military tour guide in Jerusalem, had taken us to various places in the old city and told us of its past. Then we visited the western wall and everyone wrote a note and put it in the wall.
Next, we drove to Sdot-Yam. It's a beautiful Kibbutz located next to the beach. There are archaeological findings from Roman times, there's a large sailing club there. Gal Friedman, the first gold medalist of the Olympic games in Israel's history (He won it a few months ago) lives and trains right here. We had barbecue in the evening and on the next morning we went to the beach. A while later, a model and 2 photographers passed us by. They went north, beyond a small rocky hill to find a perfect spot to do the shooting. Everyone was so curious to see it, they went up there to watch.
In the afternoon, we all were taken to the bus station in Hadera. I was home at 4:30pm, but I had to come back to the base this evening, thanks to the punishment Lior gave me a week ago.
13th October, 2004
It's been 10 days since I've last heard from Angel. I can't stop worrying!
I called her. The phone rings, but nobody answers it.
I SMSed her 3-4 times these last few days, but there's no reply.
I e-mailed her when I was home, but received nothing.
What is going on? Where is she? Has something bad happened or is there something she doesn't want me to know? There are many ways to communicate nowadays. It's not like she can't contact me, so what is it about? I don't get it.
A few days ago, when I was at home, her friend Jenny was online. Angel was at her place at the time. I talked to Angel, but all she ever said was "hi" and "I'm fine". Then she stopped replying.
My last SMS to her was: "Honey, I'm really worried. Please contact me or my mom somehow. Through email, phone, your mom, internet cafe, your friends, anyhow. I know you can, but you don't do it, so I'm worried."
Later this evening, while I was guarding in the observation tower, I received an SMS and somehow missed an unknown call. The SMS was from Angel! It said: "Honey, don't be worried! Don't you trust me? You know I love you, don't you? I'm lying in the hospital. Operation again. Got my phone today again. Hope you are fine! Love you soo much! Kiss." It made me happy again, to know that our relationship is stable, but now I was worried about her operation. Poor Angel. After I had replied to her, her 2nd SMS said she couldn't speak to me, at least for the next 2 days. She has problems with her throat, which is why she has to undergo an operation.
16th October, 2004
6a.m. - I was supposed to guard at the watchtower as usual, but some Palestinian guy threw a Molotov cocktail on the road near 76th junction and so Raleb called me, Haim and Maxim to go down there ASAP. We were ordered to prevent any movement on the road connecting 2 Palestinian villages.
Haim took one side of the road, I took the other one. He aggressively yelled and pointed his gun at every Palestinian who came upon our roadblock. There was a taxi with a Palestinian guy in the back, who had his eye bandaged. The taxi driver said the man had some kind of a pin stuck in his eye and that he needed to be delivered to the hospital immediately. But Raleb couldn't care less. After some yelling, the driver turned back.
Maxim joined my side of the road. I started talking to him about his views, hoping to have at least someone agreeing with my point of view, but my hopes have turned against me. He said he's not a racist, but he dislikes Palestinians. He said that Baruch Goldstein, who massacred 29 Palestinians in 1994 did the right thing, that just like they commit suicide bombings and kill innocent civilians, we should commit such acts ourselves and kill their innocent civilians as well. *Sigh*
I was surrounded by 3 guys who hated Palestinians indiscriminately. It looked as if every Palestinian they met on the roadblock was that molotov-cocktail-throwing criminal in their eyes.
A taxi came to our side of the road. The taxi driver said he had a pregnant woman in the back who needs to give birth. Maxim told him to turn back. The driver started to argue with Maxim, when he'd lost his patience and shouted: "I don't give a shit! Even if you die, I wouldn't care! Now turn around and go back!"
A while later, two more cars came - one was with another pregnant woman, the other - a father and a boy who had a broken leg.
But Raleb did not care!
Raleb told him to turn around and then walked on to deal with another vehicle. But the father didn't listen. He went out of the vehicle, carrying his son in his arms. He tried to reason with Raleb, but he and Maxim started to shout at him angrily and walking in his direction. Then the father walked back to his vehicle and turned around.
Some Palestinians would ask us when they could come back, but the only answer they'd get is another "get out of my sight!" and "turn around!".
I wish I had done something, but feel shame and pity. I don't know whose orders it was, but they didn't make any sense. Since we're here, we can check those cars and let them pass. Why punish everyone? Why do we prevent basic humanitarian needs?!
Assuming there are justified reasons for this kind of roadblock, why can't they preserve their patience and explain the situation to these people? They wouldn't be so aggressive towards Israelis, no matter how annoying some Israelis can be, so why this kind of discrimination?
Maybe they refuse to leave, if you're not aggressive enough. Is being calm and nice to people considered to be a form of weakness when it comes to soldiers? I think that in some way it does, yet it doesn't mean that you should be aggressive to everyone. One should use it only when necessary.
Looking at the big picture, one can wonder how much damage a stupid individual with a molotov cocktail or a stone in his hand can do.
17th October, 2004
Pinhas is a good person if you get to know him well, but not when it comes to politics and Palestinians. He says he'd kill all Arabs if he could. He told me how once there was one Palestinian who pissed him off. He was told he couldn't pass through the roadblock and that he shouldn't bother trying to come back, but the guy came back to the roadblock to see if it's still there and to ask again if he could pass. Pinhas approached him, grabbed him by his neck and started choking him!
Amir, a commander who was at the roadblock at the time, urged Pinhas to stop. Pinhas says: "Amir is a pussy, unlike Natan (his present commander who doesn't seem to like Palestinians that much). Natan lets us do whatever we want whenever Palestinians give us any problems."
Hatred is all over the place.
(A year later, I found out that Pinhas' girlfriend was killed in a suicide bombing. That's probably where all this hatred comes from.)
I fell like a free man doing a favor to this country, doing nothing in overall, wasting 3 most precious years of my life for nothing instead of being somewhere abroad with Angel.
IDF saves the lives of many Israelis by defending this country, but IDF is also the primary cause for Israeli victims in these bombings and shootings. IDF gives them reasons to hate us and want to fight us.
I don't feel like doing anything good for Israelis or Palestinians, or for world's peace, but there's one thing that I am doing and it's documenting everything that I witness here. How can it help change anything? I don't know. I only hope that if it ever changes anything, it would be a positive change for everyone.
Dear me!
You're most likely with her by now. With all of my heart, I do hope you are together.
Me, 19 years old, 17/10/04.
10th October, 2004
2 days of our vacation have been taken away. Our officer wanted to organize a 2-day trip to Jerusalem and Sdot-Yam, a kibbutz near Caesarea and Hadera where Kobi lives (a commander from our platoon). A female soldier, whose job is being a military tour guide in Jerusalem, had taken us to various places in the old city and told us of its past. Then we visited the western wall and everyone wrote a note and put it in the wall.
Next, we drove to Sdot-Yam. It's a beautiful Kibbutz located next to the beach. There are archaeological findings from Roman times, there's a large sailing club there. Gal Friedman, the first gold medalist of the Olympic games in Israel's history (He won it a few months ago) lives and trains right here. We had barbecue in the evening and on the next morning we went to the beach. A while later, a model and 2 photographers passed us by. They went north, beyond a small rocky hill to find a perfect spot to do the shooting. Everyone was so curious to see it, they went up there to watch.
In the afternoon, we all were taken to the bus station in Hadera. I was home at 4:30pm, but I had to come back to the base this evening, thanks to the punishment Lior gave me a week ago.
13th October, 2004
It's been 10 days since I've last heard from Angel. I can't stop worrying!
I called her. The phone rings, but nobody answers it.
I SMSed her 3-4 times these last few days, but there's no reply.
I e-mailed her when I was home, but received nothing.
What is going on? Where is she? Has something bad happened or is there something she doesn't want me to know? There are many ways to communicate nowadays. It's not like she can't contact me, so what is it about? I don't get it.
A few days ago, when I was at home, her friend Jenny was online. Angel was at her place at the time. I talked to Angel, but all she ever said was "hi" and "I'm fine". Then she stopped replying.
My last SMS to her was: "Honey, I'm really worried. Please contact me or my mom somehow. Through email, phone, your mom, internet cafe, your friends, anyhow. I know you can, but you don't do it, so I'm worried."
Later this evening, while I was guarding in the observation tower, I received an SMS and somehow missed an unknown call. The SMS was from Angel! It said: "Honey, don't be worried! Don't you trust me? You know I love you, don't you? I'm lying in the hospital. Operation again. Got my phone today again. Hope you are fine! Love you soo much! Kiss." It made me happy again, to know that our relationship is stable, but now I was worried about her operation. Poor Angel. After I had replied to her, her 2nd SMS said she couldn't speak to me, at least for the next 2 days. She has problems with her throat, which is why she has to undergo an operation.
16th October, 2004
6a.m. - I was supposed to guard at the watchtower as usual, but some Palestinian guy threw a Molotov cocktail on the road near 76th junction and so Raleb called me, Haim and Maxim to go down there ASAP. We were ordered to prevent any movement on the road connecting 2 Palestinian villages.
Haim took one side of the road, I took the other one. He aggressively yelled and pointed his gun at every Palestinian who came upon our roadblock. There was a taxi with a Palestinian guy in the back, who had his eye bandaged. The taxi driver said the man had some kind of a pin stuck in his eye and that he needed to be delivered to the hospital immediately. But Raleb couldn't care less. After some yelling, the driver turned back.
Maxim joined my side of the road. I started talking to him about his views, hoping to have at least someone agreeing with my point of view, but my hopes have turned against me. He said he's not a racist, but he dislikes Palestinians. He said that Baruch Goldstein, who massacred 29 Palestinians in 1994 did the right thing, that just like they commit suicide bombings and kill innocent civilians, we should commit such acts ourselves and kill their innocent civilians as well. *Sigh*
I was surrounded by 3 guys who hated Palestinians indiscriminately. It looked as if every Palestinian they met on the roadblock was that molotov-cocktail-throwing criminal in their eyes.
A taxi came to our side of the road. The taxi driver said he had a pregnant woman in the back who needs to give birth. Maxim told him to turn back. The driver started to argue with Maxim, when he'd lost his patience and shouted: "I don't give a shit! Even if you die, I wouldn't care! Now turn around and go back!"
A while later, two more cars came - one was with another pregnant woman, the other - a father and a boy who had a broken leg.
But Raleb did not care!
Raleb told him to turn around and then walked on to deal with another vehicle. But the father didn't listen. He went out of the vehicle, carrying his son in his arms. He tried to reason with Raleb, but he and Maxim started to shout at him angrily and walking in his direction. Then the father walked back to his vehicle and turned around.
Some Palestinians would ask us when they could come back, but the only answer they'd get is another "get out of my sight!" and "turn around!".
I wish I had done something, but feel shame and pity. I don't know whose orders it was, but they didn't make any sense. Since we're here, we can check those cars and let them pass. Why punish everyone? Why do we prevent basic humanitarian needs?!
Assuming there are justified reasons for this kind of roadblock, why can't they preserve their patience and explain the situation to these people? They wouldn't be so aggressive towards Israelis, no matter how annoying some Israelis can be, so why this kind of discrimination?
Maybe they refuse to leave, if you're not aggressive enough. Is being calm and nice to people considered to be a form of weakness when it comes to soldiers? I think that in some way it does, yet it doesn't mean that you should be aggressive to everyone. One should use it only when necessary.
Looking at the big picture, one can wonder how much damage a stupid individual with a molotov cocktail or a stone in his hand can do.
17th October, 2004
Pinhas is a good person if you get to know him well, but not when it comes to politics and Palestinians. He says he'd kill all Arabs if he could. He told me how once there was one Palestinian who pissed him off. He was told he couldn't pass through the roadblock and that he shouldn't bother trying to come back, but the guy came back to the roadblock to see if it's still there and to ask again if he could pass. Pinhas approached him, grabbed him by his neck and started choking him!
Amir, a commander who was at the roadblock at the time, urged Pinhas to stop. Pinhas says: "Amir is a pussy, unlike Natan (his present commander who doesn't seem to like Palestinians that much). Natan lets us do whatever we want whenever Palestinians give us any problems."
Hatred is all over the place.
(A year later, I found out that Pinhas' girlfriend was killed in a suicide bombing. That's probably where all this hatred comes from.)
* * * * *
I fell like a free man doing a favor to this country, doing nothing in overall, wasting 3 most precious years of my life for nothing instead of being somewhere abroad with Angel.
IDF saves the lives of many Israelis by defending this country, but IDF is also the primary cause for Israeli victims in these bombings and shootings. IDF gives them reasons to hate us and want to fight us.
I don't feel like doing anything good for Israelis or Palestinians, or for world's peace, but there's one thing that I am doing and it's documenting everything that I witness here. How can it help change anything? I don't know. I only hope that if it ever changes anything, it would be a positive change for everyone.
* * * * *
I decided to write a letter to myself, that is, my future self. "Open and read it on the day that you're released from the army."
Dear me!
You must be 21 by now. I hope Angel's right there next to you. Do not tell me that apart from a meeting in April 2005 and/or a metting or two more, you have not seen her since and that you wait until she finishes a university. I feel like I can't wait to see her again! Can you? :)
You're most likely with her by now. With all of my heart, I do hope you are together.
What are your plans? Are you going to record the songs? Are you to become a web designer? Do you plan to move to Germany or USA? How's Mom doing? She's still not receiving her salary on time? Is she still alone? How's your brother doing? Is he tired of his academic service?
I wish you all the best in the world! Good luck in your free, civilian life and greeting to Angel from the young me! :)
Love her forEVER!!! Don't you tell me you don't feel the same!
Me, 19 years old, 17/10/04.
Friday, June 15, 2007
The next chapter: Maccabim
27th September, 2004
When I came back to the army on 26th, my friends and a few other soldiers including my commander asked me about the trip. I brought pictures with me to show them... and to look at them myself once in a while.
On the next day, my battery was moving out of Hebron and getting ready to be replaced by other forces. I was in Telem settlement, doing some packing and cleaning up.
We had to wait in the parking lot for 3 hours until the bus came. It took us to Jerusalem, to "Beit HaHayal" - it's what you'd call a soldier's hotel.
Any soldier can spend a night at the hotel for around 35NIS ($8). Soldiers without parents, or with certain problems in the family are allowed to stay at the hotel for free.
There are such hotels in Ashqelon and Eilat that are primarily used for annual week-long vacations organized by the regiments. For example, 4 months ago - when I was in the middle of a commander's course, my regiment had a week-long vacation in Ashqelon.
This time, however, it was not a vacation. The next day we would proceed to our new home - Maccabim.
The same night, my throat hurt and I had temperature. I talked to our battery's medic, but he refused to help me, explaining me that all the medicine is packed and will only be unpacked tomorrow.
28th September-4th October, 2004
The regiment was ready to leave the hotel. Our battery would move to a small base on road number 443 connecting Modi'in and Jerusalem. The second battery would move to Maccabim - a base located on the Israeli side of the green-line border, next to the city Maccabim-Reut, close to Modi'in.
In Macabbim, soldiers have to prevent illegal Palestinian workers from entering the country. The fence is being constructed there, but it would take a few more years until it's finished.
The soldiers there are also responsible for the 443 roadblock. Thousands of people use that road every day, including Knesset members. Since the roadblock is located at the border between Israeli and the Palestinian territories, cars have to be checked.
Palestinian cars aren't allowed on that road, but Arab-Israeli cars are. If a soldier notices a car with Arabs or if he's not sure whether the man in the car is Arab or not, he signals the car to turn to the right-most lane for a routine check.
I know, this kind of selection is discriminative, but since not a single Israeli had yet carried out a suicide bombing, there is no reason to check them or their vehicles for explosives or anything of the kind.
As for Israeli-Arabs, they're checked only because you can rarely tell the difference between an Israeli-Arab and a Palestinian one, and sometimes Israeli-Arabs drive Palestinians into Israel.
But that's what the second battery will be doing in the following month, not mine.
I know it all because I served in that base for 2 months during my advanced training in the third battery. (4th battery is basic training. It doesn't officially belong to the regiment. 3rd battery is advanced training. 2nd and 1st batteries are where soldiers spend the rest of their military service, unless they leave for all kinds of reasons.)
My battery arrived to a small base, more of a post I'd say. There's barely enough space for the whole battery to fit in. I'd been here as well, during my advanced training, but since then the post has been re-arranged and improved. There are more containers now (Yes, in most bases we live in containers!), the entrance gate's been moved to a completely different location and the observation post has been upgraded with a monitor and a joystick.
It was an unbearable heat of around 45 degrees. The weather man said it was the hottest day of the year, yet we had to work without break during the whole day, unpacking the trucks, moving things from one place to another - beds, mattrasses, personal bags, army bags, vests, sofas, chairs, tables and a lot of miscellaenous battery accessories. Every 5 minutes I ran to the bathroom to drink water from the sink, despite my sore throat.
A while later, while the others were still unpacking, Aaron called me and a few others for a briefing... (Aaron is a very good guy from Ireland. He immigrated to Israel when he was a kid, just like me. We've completed both basic and advanced training together. Then he took the full commander's course and now he's assigned as a commander of the 2nd team of the 2nd platoon, while I'm in the 1st team of the 2nd platoon. My commander, Matan, also served the first 8 months of his military service with me. When he became my commander it felt really strange. But that's how it works here in the army. Even officers are younger than some of the regular soldiers. Never mind the rank, the younger ones should always respect the older soldiers, for they're usually more experienced.
When we all gathered, Yair, my officer, briefed us on the first mission. Normally, we would've been happy to skip all the unpacking, go on a mission and have a good sleep. But this mission wasn't something to be happy about: The regiment commander wants a team in one of the Palestinian villages. He wants us to be there for three straight days, guard on a terrace outside a Palestinian house, wearing a ceramic vest. No electricity. Peeing in bottles. The rest I'll leave to your own imagination. What was the purpose of this mission? Nobody knew.
It was madness! I've never heard of such things before.
We were waiting for a vehicle to take us there. We all hoped this mission would be cancelled.... and it eventually was. :)
I was assigned to guard at the observation post. An officer had given me a quick tutorial on how to use the joystick and the various camera functions, including night vision and I was happy to do the job. I became a regular observator - guarding from 2 to 6 am and pm and performing all the morning and evening cleaning duties with the other soldiers who were currently off their missions. Other missions included AV patrol and a foot patrol. The main mission is to protect the road and prevent Palestinians from throwing Molotov cocktails and stones on Israeli cars.
My throat was still sore, but nobody really cared about it. I couldn't drink anything cold, but the only drink that was available to us at dinner was ice cold raspberry juice. The medic gave me "Kalgaron" which is more like a candy-pill for little children. It obviously didn't help. My mom visited my on Saturday and gave me some medicine, honey and a thermos along with some fruits and sweets. Thanks Mom!
Lior officially became the battery's sergeant and inherited the job from one of the finest sergeants I've ever known - Avi. (If you ever watched the popular TV-Series "Lost", Avi is a COPY of Matthew Fox, the leading actor. The only two differences are that Avi's hair is already gray at age 21 and his voice is that of Vladimir Vysotsky, a famous Russian singer.)
Lior decided to show his authority on the second day of his duty. He asked everyone to wear a hat during morning and evening formation. (After morning/evening cleaning routine, soldiers have to wear vests with their flasks and magazines full, and stand in a U formation facing the commanders who check their flasks, their magazines, their weapons, the rooms, the toilets and the whole area of the base. A soldier is punished if he doesn't have his flasks or magazines full. If the base is not clean enough, soldiers have to keep cleaning until commanders are satisfied. Sometimes it depends on the mood and character of present commanders.)
On the next morning I had to wear a hat but I couldn't find it. I asked guys if they could lend me one, but no one had a spare hat. Standing in the formation without a hat resulted in a 1-day punishment. It means that one day of my vacation at home is taken away because of a stupid hat. He didn't accept any explanations. My commander supported me, but he couldn't anything about it. Lior wanted people to obey him, to fear his punishment. He needed an example to prove that he's serious. There I was.
Matan helped me nevertheless. He told me to come back from home a day earlier, but sometime in the evening. That way it would only be a few hours instead of a day.
I didn't hear any news from Angel, apart from one message. I don't want to bother her by sending too many SMS messages, but I do want to hear from her more often.
5th October, 2004
The whole battery gathered in the center and we spent a wonderful evening, playing games with music, barbecue and karaoke. November 2001 soldiers were singing the song "Gone till November" originally performed by Wyclef Jean, marking their upcoming release in November 2004.
The next morning we were released home at 8:30am. :)
27th September, 2004
When I came back to the army on 26th, my friends and a few other soldiers including my commander asked me about the trip. I brought pictures with me to show them... and to look at them myself once in a while.
On the next day, my battery was moving out of Hebron and getting ready to be replaced by other forces. I was in Telem settlement, doing some packing and cleaning up.
We had to wait in the parking lot for 3 hours until the bus came. It took us to Jerusalem, to "Beit HaHayal" - it's what you'd call a soldier's hotel.
Any soldier can spend a night at the hotel for around 35NIS ($8). Soldiers without parents, or with certain problems in the family are allowed to stay at the hotel for free.
There are such hotels in Ashqelon and Eilat that are primarily used for annual week-long vacations organized by the regiments. For example, 4 months ago - when I was in the middle of a commander's course, my regiment had a week-long vacation in Ashqelon.
This time, however, it was not a vacation. The next day we would proceed to our new home - Maccabim.
The same night, my throat hurt and I had temperature. I talked to our battery's medic, but he refused to help me, explaining me that all the medicine is packed and will only be unpacked tomorrow.
28th September-4th October, 2004
The regiment was ready to leave the hotel. Our battery would move to a small base on road number 443 connecting Modi'in and Jerusalem. The second battery would move to Maccabim - a base located on the Israeli side of the green-line border, next to the city Maccabim-Reut, close to Modi'in.
In Macabbim, soldiers have to prevent illegal Palestinian workers from entering the country. The fence is being constructed there, but it would take a few more years until it's finished.
The soldiers there are also responsible for the 443 roadblock. Thousands of people use that road every day, including Knesset members. Since the roadblock is located at the border between Israeli and the Palestinian territories, cars have to be checked.
Palestinian cars aren't allowed on that road, but Arab-Israeli cars are. If a soldier notices a car with Arabs or if he's not sure whether the man in the car is Arab or not, he signals the car to turn to the right-most lane for a routine check.
I know, this kind of selection is discriminative, but since not a single Israeli had yet carried out a suicide bombing, there is no reason to check them or their vehicles for explosives or anything of the kind.
As for Israeli-Arabs, they're checked only because you can rarely tell the difference between an Israeli-Arab and a Palestinian one, and sometimes Israeli-Arabs drive Palestinians into Israel.
But that's what the second battery will be doing in the following month, not mine.
I know it all because I served in that base for 2 months during my advanced training in the third battery. (4th battery is basic training. It doesn't officially belong to the regiment. 3rd battery is advanced training. 2nd and 1st batteries are where soldiers spend the rest of their military service, unless they leave for all kinds of reasons.)
My battery arrived to a small base, more of a post I'd say. There's barely enough space for the whole battery to fit in. I'd been here as well, during my advanced training, but since then the post has been re-arranged and improved. There are more containers now (Yes, in most bases we live in containers!), the entrance gate's been moved to a completely different location and the observation post has been upgraded with a monitor and a joystick.
It was an unbearable heat of around 45 degrees. The weather man said it was the hottest day of the year, yet we had to work without break during the whole day, unpacking the trucks, moving things from one place to another - beds, mattrasses, personal bags, army bags, vests, sofas, chairs, tables and a lot of miscellaenous battery accessories. Every 5 minutes I ran to the bathroom to drink water from the sink, despite my sore throat.
A while later, while the others were still unpacking, Aaron called me and a few others for a briefing... (Aaron is a very good guy from Ireland. He immigrated to Israel when he was a kid, just like me. We've completed both basic and advanced training together. Then he took the full commander's course and now he's assigned as a commander of the 2nd team of the 2nd platoon, while I'm in the 1st team of the 2nd platoon. My commander, Matan, also served the first 8 months of his military service with me. When he became my commander it felt really strange. But that's how it works here in the army. Even officers are younger than some of the regular soldiers. Never mind the rank, the younger ones should always respect the older soldiers, for they're usually more experienced.
When we all gathered, Yair, my officer, briefed us on the first mission. Normally, we would've been happy to skip all the unpacking, go on a mission and have a good sleep. But this mission wasn't something to be happy about: The regiment commander wants a team in one of the Palestinian villages. He wants us to be there for three straight days, guard on a terrace outside a Palestinian house, wearing a ceramic vest. No electricity. Peeing in bottles. The rest I'll leave to your own imagination. What was the purpose of this mission? Nobody knew.
It was madness! I've never heard of such things before.
We were waiting for a vehicle to take us there. We all hoped this mission would be cancelled.... and it eventually was. :)
I was assigned to guard at the observation post. An officer had given me a quick tutorial on how to use the joystick and the various camera functions, including night vision and I was happy to do the job. I became a regular observator - guarding from 2 to 6 am and pm and performing all the morning and evening cleaning duties with the other soldiers who were currently off their missions. Other missions included AV patrol and a foot patrol. The main mission is to protect the road and prevent Palestinians from throwing Molotov cocktails and stones on Israeli cars.
My throat was still sore, but nobody really cared about it. I couldn't drink anything cold, but the only drink that was available to us at dinner was ice cold raspberry juice. The medic gave me "Kalgaron" which is more like a candy-pill for little children. It obviously didn't help. My mom visited my on Saturday and gave me some medicine, honey and a thermos along with some fruits and sweets. Thanks Mom!
Lior officially became the battery's sergeant and inherited the job from one of the finest sergeants I've ever known - Avi. (If you ever watched the popular TV-Series "Lost", Avi is a COPY of Matthew Fox, the leading actor. The only two differences are that Avi's hair is already gray at age 21 and his voice is that of Vladimir Vysotsky, a famous Russian singer.)
Lior decided to show his authority on the second day of his duty. He asked everyone to wear a hat during morning and evening formation. (After morning/evening cleaning routine, soldiers have to wear vests with their flasks and magazines full, and stand in a U formation facing the commanders who check their flasks, their magazines, their weapons, the rooms, the toilets and the whole area of the base. A soldier is punished if he doesn't have his flasks or magazines full. If the base is not clean enough, soldiers have to keep cleaning until commanders are satisfied. Sometimes it depends on the mood and character of present commanders.)
On the next morning I had to wear a hat but I couldn't find it. I asked guys if they could lend me one, but no one had a spare hat. Standing in the formation without a hat resulted in a 1-day punishment. It means that one day of my vacation at home is taken away because of a stupid hat. He didn't accept any explanations. My commander supported me, but he couldn't anything about it. Lior wanted people to obey him, to fear his punishment. He needed an example to prove that he's serious. There I was.
Matan helped me nevertheless. He told me to come back from home a day earlier, but sometime in the evening. That way it would only be a few hours instead of a day.
I didn't hear any news from Angel, apart from one message. I don't want to bother her by sending too many SMS messages, but I do want to hear from her more often.
5th October, 2004
The whole battery gathered in the center and we spent a wonderful evening, playing games with music, barbecue and karaoke. November 2001 soldiers were singing the song "Gone till November" originally performed by Wyclef Jean, marking their upcoming release in November 2004.
The next morning we were released home at 8:30am. :)
Friday, June 08, 2007
The train at midnight
23rd September, 2004
As I woke up this morning, I noticed there was a note under the door. I thought maybe she left me a goodbye note in case I leave for the airport before she gets home from school. When I picked it up from the floor and read it, it said (these are the exact words): "Good morning, honey! So, I just wanted to tell you that I won't be home after school. I'd come home at around 4p.m. if you still are at our place. If you're not, please tell my mom that to tell me, so that I can stay longer (at friend's). Anyway, I wish you a good flight. Take care in the army! We'll soon meet again. ;) Love you forever. *Kiss*. Yours, Angel."
I didn't know how to react. I read it again a couple of times to make sure I got it right.
A while later I received a phone call from El-Al's agency. It's over now... The flight is at 7a.m. tomorrow in Munich. There are no trains at night, so I'll have to leave this evening. :(
Tomorrow at noon is Yom Kippur. If I arrive by noon, I might not be able to get back to the army as there are buses on Yom Kippur. This way I'll be able to stay at home for the weekend. I can't really imagine myself going straight back into the army after this trip. I'd better spend a few days at home first. Home? But I feel like I've got nothing to do at home, like my life's here with Angel. I don't wanna leave that life.
Angel didn't come at 4:30 pm. Instead, she called me to see if I'm still at her place. I wrote to her mother earlier today and asked her to tell Angel that I'm still here until tonight, that we have only a few hours left to be together, but she didn't forward the message to Angel for some reason.
I'm feeling so sad at the moment. I'm feeling like my life's over or something. Like nobody really cares! There is only thing that I need in my life, nothing else. This one precious thing can fill my life with so much happiness, it gives my life a meaning, a reason to go on living. This 1 thing is called "Care". I want to be important to somebody, to feel loved, to have someone interested in what's happening in my life, someone who gives me the respect that I deserve and the support that I need, whenever I need it. It's the way Angel made me feel whenever we'd chat. I'll be looking forward to it. I wish she could be this way in real life as well. It's all I ever wish for...
Of course, apart from this, there are plenty of reasons to keep on living and they'll keep me going... until I meet her again. It's a tragic day for me... I know I'm gonna miss every moment that I spent with her, I'm gonna miss this beautiful country and its peaceful atmosphere. Right now I can't feel it, but I know I'm gonna feel it soon enough.
Angel's still not home. Her whole family is. I try not to think about it because it makes me more and more upset. I decided to distract myself by watching some of her DVDs in her room.
She came home at 6p.m. She said she wanted to come earlier, but she'd missed the bus. It's okay. I can never be mad at her. Ever. She's home now and I can be with her for a few hours, it's all that matters now.
We had dinner and a movie: Braveheart. When the movie was over, it was time for us to get ready to go to the train station. Her mom took us to the train station. She waited in the car when Angel escorted me to the platform where I'd take the train to Munich.
"Platform number 9. This is where we first met." She said. 10 days ago I was right here, beginning my journey and now this is also the place where I end it. Our last 15 minutes are to be carved into my memory for an eternity. We promised each other not to cry. I held her tight and kissed her again and again, anxious at the thought of it being the last kiss. She gave me a goodbye present - it was a red heart the size of a palm.
More than a year ago, before I was drafted into the army, I used to send her all kinds of presents over the mail. One of the packages included a tiny, scented heart. This tiny little heart made her realize that she loves me. She thought it was a sign from me that I love her, but back then I didn't. I just liked her as a friend.
She still remembers that gift. She decided to give me a similar one in return. Is it a sign from her that she loves me, or does she feel the same way that I used to feel back then?
The train arrived. We hugged for one last time and said goodbye to each other. I felt like running back to her arms!
I entered the empty train and took a seat. It felt so lonely... I could skim through our pictures, I could hold her gift in my hands, but it would only make things worse. I was already feeling overemotional. It was hard for me, really hard.
The falling drops of rain, that were dripping down the train's window shall replace my tears.
I tried to distract myself from the pain I was feeling, tried to think of other things, but that wasn't easy either
Argh! How can I not think about her?! This is crazy! I hope to see her again in 6-7 months, in April 2005! :)
The song "Train at midnight" by Bad Boys Blue fits most perfectly to this particular part of my life
I arrived to Munich's train station. It appears that I had to take another train, this time to the airport itself, but the trains stopped operating at this hour. I had to find a way to get to the airport somehow...
I crossed the road and found an internet cafe. It took me a while until I found out how to get to the airport. I need to take a subway train, but the first train leave in 3 hours from now so meanwhile I should find myself something to do.
I remember that 8 years ago I played a PC game called Gabriel Knight 2. It was filmed here in Munich and this game really made me excited about visiting those places. As I was surfing the net in the iCafe store, I searched for the street names mentioned in the game and I located them on the map. Even though the time was 1a.m. I decided to walk around the city and find that street.
The streets near the train station were full of strip clubs, pubs and closed computer shops. The next street was deserted and completely dark. I can't say I wasn't concerned. You couldn't conceal your identity as a tourist if you walked with baggage and a photo camera. The photos didn't come out very well due to lack of light.
The next street had little illumination. A drunk man was heading my way... Nothing happened.
I found a bus station with a city map. Good thing I found it in the right place, I had to turn east to get to Marienplatz. After a while I found the place. It was a city square, as the name suggests. At first I didn't recognize the place, but then I saw the fountain and the subway station and it brought me back into that game, even though it looks differently in reality.
I walked down the stairs to the subway station. There were ticket machines, but everything was written in German. Very tourist-unfriendly, if I might say. I didn't know what buttons to press, how to choose the right route, anything. The station was empty, except for two patrol guards, several locals and a few homeless.
I went to the restroom. There was a guy behind me, heading there as well. That whole place looked dangerous. I had to stay alert.
When I entered men's room I was shocked to see a man's head on the floor of one of the cells. He was either dead or unconscious. I could only see his head sticking out the slit below the cell's door. The next moment I was out of there. Didn't want to get myself into any trouble.
I was standing next to the ticket machine, trying to figure out how to use it when I saw a few guys, male and female wearing elegant black, heading towards me. At first I thought they were a band, but later it turned out they were airport clerks on their way to Munich airport. Not only that, but they were also speaking Hebrew! I couldn't believe my luck! They helped me buy a ticket.
Finally I could ride a subway... It was my childhood dream. :)
The airport was huge! I followed these guys all across the airport into a small, isolated area. I'd once been told that they've decided to make a separate, isolated terminal for Israeli passengers. I find it very insulting. There was heavy security that have thoroughly checked our luggage and even asked us to take off our shoes. The was no duty free. Just a small shop to buy souvenirs and chocolate.
But first I had to wait outside the terminal with all the other passengers. Everyone was angry and upset. They wanted to get to Israel as soon as possible. Was I the only one in favor of the strike? :)
The plane left Germany. I felt sad and tired. I slept during the flight.
We landed at 10:45a.m. but it took a while to receive the luggage. My mom met me in the airport and took me home. I arrived home and called my commander. It was 1p.m. He said I'm to stay at home for the weekend and come back to the army Sunday morning. Yes!!! 2 more days to spend at home! :)
Looking back, it was a wonderful journey. I enjoyed every minute of it. Now I hope I've earned the trust of her mother. Either way, Angel will turn 18 by March 2005 and in April she could come to Israel and spend a wonderful vacation here with me. Time is passing by pretty fast...
With this journey I proved myself that love has no boundaries. If you truly love someone, there is nothing that can stop you but your own will.
You can fall in love with someone over the internet, even if you have no idea how he/she looks like. It's all in your mind... and your heart.
23rd September, 2004
As I woke up this morning, I noticed there was a note under the door. I thought maybe she left me a goodbye note in case I leave for the airport before she gets home from school. When I picked it up from the floor and read it, it said (these are the exact words): "Good morning, honey! So, I just wanted to tell you that I won't be home after school. I'd come home at around 4p.m. if you still are at our place. If you're not, please tell my mom that to tell me, so that I can stay longer (at friend's). Anyway, I wish you a good flight. Take care in the army! We'll soon meet again. ;) Love you forever. *Kiss*. Yours, Angel."
I didn't know how to react. I read it again a couple of times to make sure I got it right.
A while later I received a phone call from El-Al's agency. It's over now... The flight is at 7a.m. tomorrow in Munich. There are no trains at night, so I'll have to leave this evening. :(
Tomorrow at noon is Yom Kippur. If I arrive by noon, I might not be able to get back to the army as there are buses on Yom Kippur. This way I'll be able to stay at home for the weekend. I can't really imagine myself going straight back into the army after this trip. I'd better spend a few days at home first. Home? But I feel like I've got nothing to do at home, like my life's here with Angel. I don't wanna leave that life.
Angel didn't come at 4:30 pm. Instead, she called me to see if I'm still at her place. I wrote to her mother earlier today and asked her to tell Angel that I'm still here until tonight, that we have only a few hours left to be together, but she didn't forward the message to Angel for some reason.
I'm feeling so sad at the moment. I'm feeling like my life's over or something. Like nobody really cares! There is only thing that I need in my life, nothing else. This one precious thing can fill my life with so much happiness, it gives my life a meaning, a reason to go on living. This 1 thing is called "Care". I want to be important to somebody, to feel loved, to have someone interested in what's happening in my life, someone who gives me the respect that I deserve and the support that I need, whenever I need it. It's the way Angel made me feel whenever we'd chat. I'll be looking forward to it. I wish she could be this way in real life as well. It's all I ever wish for...
Of course, apart from this, there are plenty of reasons to keep on living and they'll keep me going... until I meet her again. It's a tragic day for me... I know I'm gonna miss every moment that I spent with her, I'm gonna miss this beautiful country and its peaceful atmosphere. Right now I can't feel it, but I know I'm gonna feel it soon enough.
Angel's still not home. Her whole family is. I try not to think about it because it makes me more and more upset. I decided to distract myself by watching some of her DVDs in her room.
She came home at 6p.m. She said she wanted to come earlier, but she'd missed the bus. It's okay. I can never be mad at her. Ever. She's home now and I can be with her for a few hours, it's all that matters now.
We had dinner and a movie: Braveheart. When the movie was over, it was time for us to get ready to go to the train station. Her mom took us to the train station. She waited in the car when Angel escorted me to the platform where I'd take the train to Munich.
"Platform number 9. This is where we first met." She said. 10 days ago I was right here, beginning my journey and now this is also the place where I end it. Our last 15 minutes are to be carved into my memory for an eternity. We promised each other not to cry. I held her tight and kissed her again and again, anxious at the thought of it being the last kiss. She gave me a goodbye present - it was a red heart the size of a palm.
More than a year ago, before I was drafted into the army, I used to send her all kinds of presents over the mail. One of the packages included a tiny, scented heart. This tiny little heart made her realize that she loves me. She thought it was a sign from me that I love her, but back then I didn't. I just liked her as a friend.
She still remembers that gift. She decided to give me a similar one in return. Is it a sign from her that she loves me, or does she feel the same way that I used to feel back then?
The train arrived. We hugged for one last time and said goodbye to each other. I felt like running back to her arms!
I entered the empty train and took a seat. It felt so lonely... I could skim through our pictures, I could hold her gift in my hands, but it would only make things worse. I was already feeling overemotional. It was hard for me, really hard.
The falling drops of rain, that were dripping down the train's window shall replace my tears.
I tried to distract myself from the pain I was feeling, tried to think of other things, but that wasn't easy either
Argh! How can I not think about her?! This is crazy! I hope to see her again in 6-7 months, in April 2005! :)
The song "Train at midnight" by Bad Boys Blue fits most perfectly to this particular part of my life
I arrived to Munich's train station. It appears that I had to take another train, this time to the airport itself, but the trains stopped operating at this hour. I had to find a way to get to the airport somehow...
I crossed the road and found an internet cafe. It took me a while until I found out how to get to the airport. I need to take a subway train, but the first train leave in 3 hours from now so meanwhile I should find myself something to do.
I remember that 8 years ago I played a PC game called Gabriel Knight 2. It was filmed here in Munich and this game really made me excited about visiting those places. As I was surfing the net in the iCafe store, I searched for the street names mentioned in the game and I located them on the map. Even though the time was 1a.m. I decided to walk around the city and find that street.
The streets near the train station were full of strip clubs, pubs and closed computer shops. The next street was deserted and completely dark. I can't say I wasn't concerned. You couldn't conceal your identity as a tourist if you walked with baggage and a photo camera. The photos didn't come out very well due to lack of light.
The next street had little illumination. A drunk man was heading my way... Nothing happened.
I found a bus station with a city map. Good thing I found it in the right place, I had to turn east to get to Marienplatz. After a while I found the place. It was a city square, as the name suggests. At first I didn't recognize the place, but then I saw the fountain and the subway station and it brought me back into that game, even though it looks differently in reality.
I walked down the stairs to the subway station. There were ticket machines, but everything was written in German. Very tourist-unfriendly, if I might say. I didn't know what buttons to press, how to choose the right route, anything. The station was empty, except for two patrol guards, several locals and a few homeless.
I went to the restroom. There was a guy behind me, heading there as well. That whole place looked dangerous. I had to stay alert.
When I entered men's room I was shocked to see a man's head on the floor of one of the cells. He was either dead or unconscious. I could only see his head sticking out the slit below the cell's door. The next moment I was out of there. Didn't want to get myself into any trouble.
I was standing next to the ticket machine, trying to figure out how to use it when I saw a few guys, male and female wearing elegant black, heading towards me. At first I thought they were a band, but later it turned out they were airport clerks on their way to Munich airport. Not only that, but they were also speaking Hebrew! I couldn't believe my luck! They helped me buy a ticket.
Finally I could ride a subway... It was my childhood dream. :)
The airport was huge! I followed these guys all across the airport into a small, isolated area. I'd once been told that they've decided to make a separate, isolated terminal for Israeli passengers. I find it very insulting. There was heavy security that have thoroughly checked our luggage and even asked us to take off our shoes. The was no duty free. Just a small shop to buy souvenirs and chocolate.
But first I had to wait outside the terminal with all the other passengers. Everyone was angry and upset. They wanted to get to Israel as soon as possible. Was I the only one in favor of the strike? :)
The plane left Germany. I felt sad and tired. I slept during the flight.
We landed at 10:45a.m. but it took a while to receive the luggage. My mom met me in the airport and took me home. I arrived home and called my commander. It was 1p.m. He said I'm to stay at home for the weekend and come back to the army Sunday morning. Yes!!! 2 more days to spend at home! :)
Looking back, it was a wonderful journey. I enjoyed every minute of it. Now I hope I've earned the trust of her mother. Either way, Angel will turn 18 by March 2005 and in April she could come to Israel and spend a wonderful vacation here with me. Time is passing by pretty fast...
With this journey I proved myself that love has no boundaries. If you truly love someone, there is nothing that can stop you but your own will.
You can fall in love with someone over the internet, even if you have no idea how he/she looks like. It's all in your mind... and your heart.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Something we can't live without
22nd September, 2004
My commander Matan called me at night. I told him I'm still in Germany because of the strike, but he already knew that. He asked me a few questions about Germany and Angel. Then I asked him how they're doing there in Hebron. He said there's been some shooting and there's mess. Somehow, I didn't want to think about it on my vacation, but we didn't talk much about that. "Just don't forget to take pictures, you promised me!" "Yeah, sure, I have a lot of them." "Alright. Well, have fun." "Thanks, bye."
When I woke up in the morning, I received another call. It was my mom calling. She told me the strike is partially over. I called the El-Al agency and they confirmed that they strike has ended but asked me not to come to the airport. They'll call me and tell me when to come.
I figure it would take a while since mine is not the only flight that's been delayed, but I should be ready to leave any minute anyway.
I still can't believe that my prayers have been answered. I asked God for some more time with Angel, I told God I wasn't ready to leave yet... :)
As I think of my Angel and of the possibility that I might not see her for a long time, I feel that I love her soooooo much, and despite my recent concerns regarding our relationship, I know I'll stay with her even if she hurts me badly.
But it wasn't really her that hurt me, was it? It was the time limit that made me so anxious to see her as much as possible. I'd get upset whenever she spent an hour talking on the phone or had a long conversation with her mom, when she arrived home an hour or two later than usual and so on. I'm confident that this little problem won't hurt our relationship in the long term. ;)
Angel arrived home this afternoon. I couldn't really tell if she was happy to see me. It was possible that I'd have been on my way to Israel by now, but I couldn't really see if she cared that much. :(
A few minutes later she was on the phone, talking to a friend for like an hour. I was just sitting there, bored, waiting for her to hang up. After a while I signaled her that she's been talking a long time and that she should hang up, but it was only after a while that she actually did.
During her phone conversation she asked me if I want to come to Jenny's place and visit them all (to sit and watch them converse in German?!) I was angry and upset, but all I said is that I'll give her an answer a bit later.
This is crazy! I'm gonna get a call any minute now, asking me to come to the airport, say goodbye to Angel and not see her again for a long time, yet I can't find a minute of time to spend with her.
I decided it was time to have a talk with her. I explained to her that her feelings are important for me, that I want her to show her love, to show me that she cares about me, not only in chat conversations but in real life as well. If she does that, I would be so happy that leaving to Israel wouldn't be so depressing. :)
She said that she just doesn't do it and that it was one of the reasons why other guys didn't want to have a relationship with her.
Oh Angel! I held her in my arms and told her I would not be one of them.
I really hope she will eventually learn how to open up and show her feelings. I'm her first boyfriend after all and she probably just needs some relationship experience.
I know I can't live without it, though. I can't be satisfied with a virtual love confession.
We didn't do much today. I helped her with homework, we ate dinner and watched "Enemy at the gates", then she went to bed at 10:40pm.
I didn't receive a call from El-Al yet, but it's bound happen soon, I'm sure of it...
22nd September, 2004
My commander Matan called me at night. I told him I'm still in Germany because of the strike, but he already knew that. He asked me a few questions about Germany and Angel. Then I asked him how they're doing there in Hebron. He said there's been some shooting and there's mess. Somehow, I didn't want to think about it on my vacation, but we didn't talk much about that. "Just don't forget to take pictures, you promised me!" "Yeah, sure, I have a lot of them." "Alright. Well, have fun." "Thanks, bye."
When I woke up in the morning, I received another call. It was my mom calling. She told me the strike is partially over. I called the El-Al agency and they confirmed that they strike has ended but asked me not to come to the airport. They'll call me and tell me when to come.
I figure it would take a while since mine is not the only flight that's been delayed, but I should be ready to leave any minute anyway.
I still can't believe that my prayers have been answered. I asked God for some more time with Angel, I told God I wasn't ready to leave yet... :)
As I think of my Angel and of the possibility that I might not see her for a long time, I feel that I love her soooooo much, and despite my recent concerns regarding our relationship, I know I'll stay with her even if she hurts me badly.
But it wasn't really her that hurt me, was it? It was the time limit that made me so anxious to see her as much as possible. I'd get upset whenever she spent an hour talking on the phone or had a long conversation with her mom, when she arrived home an hour or two later than usual and so on. I'm confident that this little problem won't hurt our relationship in the long term. ;)
Angel arrived home this afternoon. I couldn't really tell if she was happy to see me. It was possible that I'd have been on my way to Israel by now, but I couldn't really see if she cared that much. :(
A few minutes later she was on the phone, talking to a friend for like an hour. I was just sitting there, bored, waiting for her to hang up. After a while I signaled her that she's been talking a long time and that she should hang up, but it was only after a while that she actually did.
During her phone conversation she asked me if I want to come to Jenny's place and visit them all (to sit and watch them converse in German?!) I was angry and upset, but all I said is that I'll give her an answer a bit later.
This is crazy! I'm gonna get a call any minute now, asking me to come to the airport, say goodbye to Angel and not see her again for a long time, yet I can't find a minute of time to spend with her.
I decided it was time to have a talk with her. I explained to her that her feelings are important for me, that I want her to show her love, to show me that she cares about me, not only in chat conversations but in real life as well. If she does that, I would be so happy that leaving to Israel wouldn't be so depressing. :)
She said that she just doesn't do it and that it was one of the reasons why other guys didn't want to have a relationship with her.
Oh Angel! I held her in my arms and told her I would not be one of them.
I really hope she will eventually learn how to open up and show her feelings. I'm her first boyfriend after all and she probably just needs some relationship experience.
I know I can't live without it, though. I can't be satisfied with a virtual love confession.
* * * * *
We didn't do much today. I helped her with homework, we ate dinner and watched "Enemy at the gates", then she went to bed at 10:40pm.
I didn't receive a call from El-Al yet, but it's bound happen soon, I'm sure of it...
Friday, May 25, 2007
Good news and Bad news often come in pairs
21st September, 2004
I woke up at 6 a.m.
Angel's mother fetched me to the train station. I thanked her for hospitality and said goodbye.
I took the train to Nurnberg instead of a direct train to Frankfurt. This is because at 9 a.m. El-Al offices would open and I'd be able to find out about the flight. That way, if it's canceled, I'd spare myself 3-4 hours of drive and some Euros, considering the expensive train fares.
At 9 a.m. El-Al offices said that there most likely won't be any flights to Israel today and that I should call again in 2 hours.
Since I had 2 hours of free time, I decided I'd walk around and explore the city. I had to stop by at the restroom first...
The restroom at Nurnberg's train station is one of the most expensive restrooms I've ever been in. The entrance fee was 1.75 Euros. It's not that much money, but it is, if all you ever wanna do is take a leak! The restroom itself looks very modern in its style, but it's not like there are big screen TVs on the walls, or some strippers dancing on top of the water tanks!
But on a second thought, if you look at the restrooms of Tel Aviv's central bus station and think about the fact that you have to pay a shekel to enter such a filthy, nauseous place, you'll realize that it'd probably take a fortune to make it look decent again and maintain it on a daily basis.
I couldn't go too far from the train station as I'd been carrying my bags with me. Just outside the train station there was a beautiful view of the city. *Sigh* I wish I had a month or two to explore this whole country...
I bought myself some food, visited another Muller's shopping center and purchased some old music CDs which were surprisingly cheap. The time was 11 a.m. I called the office again and this time they've confirmed there won't be any flights to Israel today!!! Oh yes! Another day with Angel! :)
Angel... I wonder how you will react when you see me back... :)
I thought I could reach her apartment before she gets home from school and surprise her. I wrote a note in German: I love you, Angel! I'm BACK! :) I thought maybe I'll stick it to the entrance door (I couldn't enter the building or her apartment since I no longer had the key) and when she reads it, I'll sneak in behind her and hold her tight in my arms!
When I approached the entrance, I decided to ring first to see that she's not home yet. The door suddenly opened, somebody was at home... Nobody asked who I am in the intercom. They just opened the door for me. I started walking up the stairs and as I looked up, I saw Angel on the third floor, looking down at me... How will she react?
I expected nothing more than her joy and happiness, but what I got was the exact opposite of it. She had a disappointed face. To confirm her disappointment I heard her say: "Oh no."
I was shocked! I slowed down my tempo, not certain if I should keep on walking up the stairs.
Doesn't she want to see me? Could it be that she regrets meeting me in the first place? Maybe I should be her, if she doesn't want me to... These thoughts crossed my mind as I was walking up the stairs to meet her.
When I reached the 3rd floor, she explained to me the reasons for her disappointment: She went out of the house to check who's coming when the door to her apartment closed and locked her outside... again! She was barefoot, wearing her home clothes. I was glad at least to know that she was not disappointed to see me. Maybe I'd have reacted the same way, who knows...
Her mother has arrived a while later and opened the door. If there was someone who didn't seem happy to see me, it was her mother. She told me she's checked if there are flights to Israel and it appears that there are! She didn't believe me and thought it was irresponsible of me to stay in Germany with such an excuse. I told her I'm gonna call the offices of El-Al now and prove it to her, but my phone had stopped working for some reason. I felt unwelcome.
A while later, her mother came to me and said that she's checked again and that I was right, there are no flights to Israel. She suggested that I take a train to the airport, stay there and wait for a flight home, because it might take me 4-6 hours just to get to Frankfurt.
My mother suggested me that if I happen to have a trouble and/or need a place to stay, I could take a train to Bonn where my cousin lives.
I told Angel that I can go to Bonn and stay at my cousin's place in case there's a problem of me staying here for a night. Angel asked her mom about it and her mother had extended her hospitality for another day. :)
During the evening, I helped Angel with Math homework. I have to admit, it shocks me every time whenever she tells me about her exam results. I've no doubt that she can do much better. She has a potential to be an excellent student, I know it!
I'd barely spent any time with her this day. She's been doing homework, talking on the phone for hours (while I was next to her, looking at her with sad eyes, wishing she would hang up just so I could kiss her one more time and spend another minute with her in my arms) and watching a TV series with her mother before going to bed. I was alone in her room watching the movie "Sunshine" on DVD. For most of this day I'd been thinking about the huge differences between us.
She is everything to me! I was seriously considering staying here, preferring her over my family and friends. I spent a lot of money just to be with her for a week, bought her a lot of presents just to see her smiling at me. She matters to me more than anything! I feel like no one really cares about me and my feelings but her. Is that really so? Does she really care? Are our feelings as mutual as I believed them to be?
I should contain my disappointment and enjoy the last hours of my stay. I'm not willing to give up. I spent a year and a half dreaming about an ideal relationship and I love her way too much to let her go. Do we love each other equally? I seriously doubt it. All I've left is to hope that what she said is true - that deep down inside she has feelings that she doesn't show to people, and that one of those feelings... is a strong love towards me.
21st September, 2004
I woke up at 6 a.m.
Angel's mother fetched me to the train station. I thanked her for hospitality and said goodbye.
I took the train to Nurnberg instead of a direct train to Frankfurt. This is because at 9 a.m. El-Al offices would open and I'd be able to find out about the flight. That way, if it's canceled, I'd spare myself 3-4 hours of drive and some Euros, considering the expensive train fares.
At 9 a.m. El-Al offices said that there most likely won't be any flights to Israel today and that I should call again in 2 hours.
Since I had 2 hours of free time, I decided I'd walk around and explore the city. I had to stop by at the restroom first...
The restroom at Nurnberg's train station is one of the most expensive restrooms I've ever been in. The entrance fee was 1.75 Euros. It's not that much money, but it is, if all you ever wanna do is take a leak! The restroom itself looks very modern in its style, but it's not like there are big screen TVs on the walls, or some strippers dancing on top of the water tanks!
But on a second thought, if you look at the restrooms of Tel Aviv's central bus station and think about the fact that you have to pay a shekel to enter such a filthy, nauseous place, you'll realize that it'd probably take a fortune to make it look decent again and maintain it on a daily basis.
I couldn't go too far from the train station as I'd been carrying my bags with me. Just outside the train station there was a beautiful view of the city. *Sigh* I wish I had a month or two to explore this whole country...
I bought myself some food, visited another Muller's shopping center and purchased some old music CDs which were surprisingly cheap. The time was 11 a.m. I called the office again and this time they've confirmed there won't be any flights to Israel today!!! Oh yes! Another day with Angel! :)
Angel... I wonder how you will react when you see me back... :)
I thought I could reach her apartment before she gets home from school and surprise her. I wrote a note in German: I love you, Angel! I'm BACK! :) I thought maybe I'll stick it to the entrance door (I couldn't enter the building or her apartment since I no longer had the key) and when she reads it, I'll sneak in behind her and hold her tight in my arms!
When I approached the entrance, I decided to ring first to see that she's not home yet. The door suddenly opened, somebody was at home... Nobody asked who I am in the intercom. They just opened the door for me. I started walking up the stairs and as I looked up, I saw Angel on the third floor, looking down at me... How will she react?
I expected nothing more than her joy and happiness, but what I got was the exact opposite of it. She had a disappointed face. To confirm her disappointment I heard her say: "Oh no."
I was shocked! I slowed down my tempo, not certain if I should keep on walking up the stairs.
Doesn't she want to see me? Could it be that she regrets meeting me in the first place? Maybe I should be her, if she doesn't want me to... These thoughts crossed my mind as I was walking up the stairs to meet her.
When I reached the 3rd floor, she explained to me the reasons for her disappointment: She went out of the house to check who's coming when the door to her apartment closed and locked her outside... again! She was barefoot, wearing her home clothes. I was glad at least to know that she was not disappointed to see me. Maybe I'd have reacted the same way, who knows...
Her mother has arrived a while later and opened the door. If there was someone who didn't seem happy to see me, it was her mother. She told me she's checked if there are flights to Israel and it appears that there are! She didn't believe me and thought it was irresponsible of me to stay in Germany with such an excuse. I told her I'm gonna call the offices of El-Al now and prove it to her, but my phone had stopped working for some reason. I felt unwelcome.
A while later, her mother came to me and said that she's checked again and that I was right, there are no flights to Israel. She suggested that I take a train to the airport, stay there and wait for a flight home, because it might take me 4-6 hours just to get to Frankfurt.
My mother suggested me that if I happen to have a trouble and/or need a place to stay, I could take a train to Bonn where my cousin lives.
I told Angel that I can go to Bonn and stay at my cousin's place in case there's a problem of me staying here for a night. Angel asked her mom about it and her mother had extended her hospitality for another day. :)
During the evening, I helped Angel with Math homework. I have to admit, it shocks me every time whenever she tells me about her exam results. I've no doubt that she can do much better. She has a potential to be an excellent student, I know it!
I'd barely spent any time with her this day. She's been doing homework, talking on the phone for hours (while I was next to her, looking at her with sad eyes, wishing she would hang up just so I could kiss her one more time and spend another minute with her in my arms) and watching a TV series with her mother before going to bed. I was alone in her room watching the movie "Sunshine" on DVD. For most of this day I'd been thinking about the huge differences between us.
She is everything to me! I was seriously considering staying here, preferring her over my family and friends. I spent a lot of money just to be with her for a week, bought her a lot of presents just to see her smiling at me. She matters to me more than anything! I feel like no one really cares about me and my feelings but her. Is that really so? Does she really care? Are our feelings as mutual as I believed them to be?
I should contain my disappointment and enjoy the last hours of my stay. I'm not willing to give up. I spent a year and a half dreaming about an ideal relationship and I love her way too much to let her go. Do we love each other equally? I seriously doubt it. All I've left is to hope that what she said is true - that deep down inside she has feelings that she doesn't show to people, and that one of those feelings... is a strong love towards me.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The time is running out
20th September, 2004
Today is our last day together before I leave tomorrow early in the morning, therefore I want to be with her as much as possible once she comes home from school.
There's only one day left for me to decide whether I come back to Israel or stay with her and start a new life.
I prayed to God, telling him I'm not ready for goodbyes yet, asking him for a sign to decide if I should stay or leave.
2 p.m. - She's not home yet.
2:30 p.m. - She's still out. Where is she?!
The phone rings. I don't answer it.
2:45 p.m. - I keep looking out the window, watching every bus come and leave, but she's not on any of them. I bang my head on the window out of despair. Where are you, Angel?!
3 p.m. - How long must I wait?
I tried calling her phone but then I remembered that her mom took it away from her. Argh!
I called her mom. She said she called earlier to tell me that Angel's coming late today, that she's about to come any minute now.
Angel arrived home at 3:30 p.m. It didn't look to me that the thought of me waiting for her for hours and going out of my mind had crossed her mind today.
She walked to the kitchen to get something to drink. I followed her and asked her where she's been. She said she spent time with Jenny at McDonald's. They ate dinner together and spent some time chatting.
"But why?! I don't understand it! Honey, it's our last day together! I know you haven't seen your friends in as often as you usually do, but after I'm gone you could see them for as much as you like. You won't be able to see me for a long time, though!" For the first time in our conversations I raised my tone.
I was disappointed and very upset, and the thing that made me even more upset was her silence. She just didn't say anything in reply.
I wondered what she was thinking about at the moment, and how she'd felt about the whole thing, but her feelings are rarely revealed to people.
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm a bit upset. I was waiting here for you for a couple of hours, hoping we could spent time together. I don't want to fight or make you upset. Let's just forget it and enjoy the little time that we have left."
As I held her in my arms, she finally broke her silence and spoke: "I'm sorry. I just never talk about my feelings. I have a lot of feelings, but I never show them. I don't know why."
It's okay. She loves me and cares about me. It's just that she has difficulties showing it. But even if I know deep inside that she loves me, I can't let it be like this. She needs to show me love, to express it in some way apart from writing it in chat conversations, SMS messages or e-mails. When we used to speak on the phone, she'd sometimes say it as well, but it's not the same thing as saying it face to face! At least show it by kissing me first, by running into my arms or even by smiling romantically.
I keep wondering whether it's because she's never had a boyfriend before..
20th September, 2004
Today is our last day together before I leave tomorrow early in the morning, therefore I want to be with her as much as possible once she comes home from school.
There's only one day left for me to decide whether I come back to Israel or stay with her and start a new life.
I prayed to God, telling him I'm not ready for goodbyes yet, asking him for a sign to decide if I should stay or leave.
2 p.m. - She's not home yet.
2:30 p.m. - She's still out. Where is she?!
The phone rings. I don't answer it.
2:45 p.m. - I keep looking out the window, watching every bus come and leave, but she's not on any of them. I bang my head on the window out of despair. Where are you, Angel?!
3 p.m. - How long must I wait?
I tried calling her phone but then I remembered that her mom took it away from her. Argh!
I called her mom. She said she called earlier to tell me that Angel's coming late today, that she's about to come any minute now.
Angel arrived home at 3:30 p.m. It didn't look to me that the thought of me waiting for her for hours and going out of my mind had crossed her mind today.
She walked to the kitchen to get something to drink. I followed her and asked her where she's been. She said she spent time with Jenny at McDonald's. They ate dinner together and spent some time chatting.
"But why?! I don't understand it! Honey, it's our last day together! I know you haven't seen your friends in as often as you usually do, but after I'm gone you could see them for as much as you like. You won't be able to see me for a long time, though!" For the first time in our conversations I raised my tone.
I was disappointed and very upset, and the thing that made me even more upset was her silence. She just didn't say anything in reply.
I wondered what she was thinking about at the moment, and how she'd felt about the whole thing, but her feelings are rarely revealed to people.
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm a bit upset. I was waiting here for you for a couple of hours, hoping we could spent time together. I don't want to fight or make you upset. Let's just forget it and enjoy the little time that we have left."
As I held her in my arms, she finally broke her silence and spoke: "I'm sorry. I just never talk about my feelings. I have a lot of feelings, but I never show them. I don't know why."
It's okay. She loves me and cares about me. It's just that she has difficulties showing it. But even if I know deep inside that she loves me, I can't let it be like this. She needs to show me love, to express it in some way apart from writing it in chat conversations, SMS messages or e-mails. When we used to speak on the phone, she'd sometimes say it as well, but it's not the same thing as saying it face to face! At least show it by kissing me first, by running into my arms or even by smiling romantically.
I keep wondering whether it's because she's never had a boyfriend before..
* * * * *
Her mother has invited me and Angel to an Italian restaurant. It was her goodbye present for me. I received a call from my mom on the way to the restaurant...
"I've got good news for you!" "Really? What news?" "There's a general strike and the airport is taking a part in this. There might be no landing flights as well as departing ones tomorrow."
I was shocked! If it's really so then it's a miracle! It's a sign from God which means that I should... stay?!
All the way to the restaurant I was thinking about the possibility of staying here. It seemed so surreal to me, yet so refreshing and wonderful. My mom is concerned about me, she obviously doesn't want me to do that. I don't think I can do it anyway.
We all ate Pizza at the restaurant. Some friends of theirs have joined our table. They spoke German most of the time so I didn't understand anything. But sometimes they'd say a word in English and I'd say something like: "Aha! Now I know what you were talking about!" :)
When we were back home, we watched a movie together called "Very Bad Things", then we both went to bed. Her mother decided we should sleep separately, even though we are to wake up at the same time in the morning. Maybe she's afraid I'd do something crazy and stupid on our last night together and then I'd runaway to Israel and no one will find me there... I don't know.
Anyway, I'm going to take the train back to the airport tomorrow morning, just in case. At the same time I'll try to reach the agency by phone and find out if my flight's been delayed.
"I've got good news for you!" "Really? What news?" "There's a general strike and the airport is taking a part in this. There might be no landing flights as well as departing ones tomorrow."
I was shocked! If it's really so then it's a miracle! It's a sign from God which means that I should... stay?!
All the way to the restaurant I was thinking about the possibility of staying here. It seemed so surreal to me, yet so refreshing and wonderful. My mom is concerned about me, she obviously doesn't want me to do that. I don't think I can do it anyway.
We all ate Pizza at the restaurant. Some friends of theirs have joined our table. They spoke German most of the time so I didn't understand anything. But sometimes they'd say a word in English and I'd say something like: "Aha! Now I know what you were talking about!" :)
When we were back home, we watched a movie together called "Very Bad Things", then we both went to bed. Her mother decided we should sleep separately, even though we are to wake up at the same time in the morning. Maybe she's afraid I'd do something crazy and stupid on our last night together and then I'd runaway to Israel and no one will find me there... I don't know.
Anyway, I'm going to take the train back to the airport tomorrow morning, just in case. At the same time I'll try to reach the agency by phone and find out if my flight's been delayed.
Friday, May 18, 2007
The choices of a free man
19th September, 2004
As the morning came, I had a phone call which woke Angel up. I'd hoped she'd sleep well tonight so we could be awake the next night despite next day's school (tomorrow is our last day together), but she woke up when the phone rang.
It was my mom. She said the flight at 21st became available and I should call El-Al in Frankfurt in order to postpone the flight by one day. The problem is today's Sunday. I tried calling the agency, but all I got was an answering machine that gave me the emergency number in Israel. I called my mom and gave her that number and she's managed to change the flight date! :) YAY!!! One more day with my Angel!!!
We took a bus to the northern part of Regensburg where all the hi-tech buildings were located. There was a big quiet park in the center so that workers could relax during their lunch break. There are a few restaurants, a place to play bowling and billiard and a place to sit around the pond, watch the ducks swim quietly and enjoy the wonderful weather. :)
At first we had a sit at a Chinese restaurant, just to drink something light and eat breakfast. I decided to order the fruit combination. Although it only cost me 5 euros, all they brought me was a few slices of apple, a tiny piece of kiwi, 2 leechies, 2 orange slices, two melon pieces and a few grapes.
After the interesting meal we played some billiard, bowling and that magnetic hockey or whatever it's called. We had a lot of fun! :) After a while, we became hungry and went to a restaurant just around the corner, below a big Amazon.de building. It was a Mexican restaurant. We ordered something called Faujitas - they give you a salad, small slices of chicken and sauce. You wrap it all in a pancake and enjoy the delicious taste. I loved it!
It was time for us to go back. As we headed towards the bus station the rain poured out on us. We had no place to hide from the rain so all we could do was run towards the bus station. We held hands and ran in the rain. It was fun!!
Angel told me her mom was preparing a meal for dinner and that we should eat it despite having filled our bellies in a restaurant just half an hour ago. She didn't want to disappoint her. It was fine, anyway. By the time the meal was ready, we weren't that full anymore.
We spent the last couple of hours in bed, watching the movie 15 Minutes. Another movie that I liked and wanted to show her. Hehe. We were so tired... She has school tomorrow so she wished me a good night and went to her mother's room. We didn't kiss or hug much today. :(
It's probably going to be so depressing on the last day, considering the fact that I'm unprepared to go back. No, not yet! Everything is so wonderful here!
The same night I had nightmares of going back to the army. It's horrible! How can I go back after visiting paradise? I want it to last forever!
Who knows? If I go back I may not see Angel for a long time or even at all! I'm afraid to let it go... I'm gonna go back to the army to be a nobody again? To suffer and witness other people's suffering for another 2 years? Why?! Why is there no alternative for me? I'm 19 and I'm supposed to be a free man and make my own decisions in life! I have the right to start a new life right this moment. I don't feel like I belong to Israel in terms of culture and mentality. Many Israelis and Palestinians are stubborn - they're willing to kill each other and risk the lives of their friends for a small piece of land instead of working out a peaceful solution for the sake of the future generations. There are so many ignorant and hateful people who see things in black and white. Some wish to destroy Israel, others wish to wipe off all Arabs. I have to waste 3 years of my life just because there are some people who hate each other and can't live peacefully together?!
There's a famous writing that I've encountered in several IDF bases:
1 life
2 short
3 years
4 what?
If I don't go back to Israel now, I won't be able to visit it anymore. If I go back, say, after a few years, they'll put me in jail right away. Can I really leave my family, my friends and do something that crazy? No, I'm afraid I can't. If I have to choose between losing Angel forever or not seeing my family and friends for many years, I'd choose Angel. But I'm not losing her forever. I'll see her again. If I don't, I can always runaway.
19th September, 2004
As the morning came, I had a phone call which woke Angel up. I'd hoped she'd sleep well tonight so we could be awake the next night despite next day's school (tomorrow is our last day together), but she woke up when the phone rang.
It was my mom. She said the flight at 21st became available and I should call El-Al in Frankfurt in order to postpone the flight by one day. The problem is today's Sunday. I tried calling the agency, but all I got was an answering machine that gave me the emergency number in Israel. I called my mom and gave her that number and she's managed to change the flight date! :) YAY!!! One more day with my Angel!!!
We took a bus to the northern part of Regensburg where all the hi-tech buildings were located. There was a big quiet park in the center so that workers could relax during their lunch break. There are a few restaurants, a place to play bowling and billiard and a place to sit around the pond, watch the ducks swim quietly and enjoy the wonderful weather. :)
At first we had a sit at a Chinese restaurant, just to drink something light and eat breakfast. I decided to order the fruit combination. Although it only cost me 5 euros, all they brought me was a few slices of apple, a tiny piece of kiwi, 2 leechies, 2 orange slices, two melon pieces and a few grapes.
After the interesting meal we played some billiard, bowling and that magnetic hockey or whatever it's called. We had a lot of fun! :) After a while, we became hungry and went to a restaurant just around the corner, below a big Amazon.de building. It was a Mexican restaurant. We ordered something called Faujitas - they give you a salad, small slices of chicken and sauce. You wrap it all in a pancake and enjoy the delicious taste. I loved it!
It was time for us to go back. As we headed towards the bus station the rain poured out on us. We had no place to hide from the rain so all we could do was run towards the bus station. We held hands and ran in the rain. It was fun!!
Angel told me her mom was preparing a meal for dinner and that we should eat it despite having filled our bellies in a restaurant just half an hour ago. She didn't want to disappoint her. It was fine, anyway. By the time the meal was ready, we weren't that full anymore.
We spent the last couple of hours in bed, watching the movie 15 Minutes. Another movie that I liked and wanted to show her. Hehe. We were so tired... She has school tomorrow so she wished me a good night and went to her mother's room. We didn't kiss or hug much today. :(
It's probably going to be so depressing on the last day, considering the fact that I'm unprepared to go back. No, not yet! Everything is so wonderful here!
The same night I had nightmares of going back to the army. It's horrible! How can I go back after visiting paradise? I want it to last forever!
Who knows? If I go back I may not see Angel for a long time or even at all! I'm afraid to let it go... I'm gonna go back to the army to be a nobody again? To suffer and witness other people's suffering for another 2 years? Why?! Why is there no alternative for me? I'm 19 and I'm supposed to be a free man and make my own decisions in life! I have the right to start a new life right this moment. I don't feel like I belong to Israel in terms of culture and mentality. Many Israelis and Palestinians are stubborn - they're willing to kill each other and risk the lives of their friends for a small piece of land instead of working out a peaceful solution for the sake of the future generations. There are so many ignorant and hateful people who see things in black and white. Some wish to destroy Israel, others wish to wipe off all Arabs. I have to waste 3 years of my life just because there are some people who hate each other and can't live peacefully together?!
There's a famous writing that I've encountered in several IDF bases:
1 life
2 short
3 years
4 what?
If I don't go back to Israel now, I won't be able to visit it anymore. If I go back, say, after a few years, they'll put me in jail right away. Can I really leave my family, my friends and do something that crazy? No, I'm afraid I can't. If I have to choose between losing Angel forever or not seeing my family and friends for many years, I'd choose Angel. But I'm not losing her forever. I'll see her again. If I don't, I can always runaway.
Friday, May 11, 2007
In my arms for 24 hours a day
18th September, 2004
I had a delicious breakfast in the morning, it was bread with pork.
We took a bus north to meet other 2 friends of Angel - Sarah and Vanessa. We entered a shopping center and found the cafe where they were waiting for us. The view outside the window was amazing. Sarah was talking non-stop, making everyone laugh. Except for me because I didn't understand a word she was saying. But nevertheless, I enjoyed their company and Angel's constant smiling and laughing triggered by Sarah's endless jokes. Oh Angel, you have such a wonderful smile. One of a kind!
After waiting for 10-15 minutes until the waitress noticed us, she gave us the check and I paid for everyone. Sarah said something funny in German which had the word "Israel" in it. I asked them to translate it for me. Turns out she said the following: "Wow. I wish I had an Israeli boyfriend as well." Ha-ha, thanks for the compliment. :) If my behavior is gonna make people think better of my country then by all means I'll try to behave as civilized and polite as it is ever possible. It really matters to me what people think of my country and my nation, therefore it is very important that my country does its best to look good in the eyes of the world with justice and equality being its primary concerns.
Anyway, we parted with them and took a bus home. As we reached her flat, Angel realized she'd forgotten the key at home. We tried ringing the bell, but no one was home and so we were locked outside...
We were sitting on the bench outside her house for a while, then we took a walk around the neighborhood and stopped at a small, Italian restaurant where we both ordered spaghetti in sauce (with slices of pork). It was delicious. Angel was full before even finishing half of her dish. :)
When she went to the restroom, I suddenly felt so alone. It was the giant difference between her absence and her magical presence. A minute without her was enough to make me realize how much I need her in my life and how much I'm afraid to lose her. I love her so much! I know I can't live without her!!
We came back home, but no one was there so we decided to go to town.
I bought Angel and my mom a beautiful necklace. I wanted to taste all kinds of berries that aren't available in Israel, and while picking the fruits I saw some fruits with a sign: "Imported from Israel". We bought some black and red currant. I can't remember when was the last time I've eaten currant. :)
After a while we bought ourselves ice cream, walked some more around town and then took a bus home.
It was getting dark, but no one was home yet. We decided to sit on the bench for some more. We joked around, did all kinds of silly things, messed with the camera, chased each other around the backyard, lied down on the wet grass, kissing. The camera's batteries were getting low so we went to a nearby store to buy some. It was getting late so Angel decided to call her mom. Her mom told her that both her brother and herself were staying overnight at friends!!! We'd have waited all night! Oh man, we'd have had the whole day and night to ourselves if only we had the key... But who knew?
Her mother's plans have changed. She had to come home and open the door for us, so she brought her sister and her daughter along. They stayed overnight with us.
We went to the bedroom and watched "Big". It's a good classic. But halfway through the movie we were falling asleep as we were terribly tired from the long day.
Even though I was extremely tired, I wanted to lay awake for a while and enjoy being in bed next to her for the 2nd and last night of the weekend. She rejected the idea and wanted to sleep. Somehow I felt hurt to be rejected that way. I told her that, but no reaction followed. That hurt me even more. I'm sure it wasn't her intention, but it felt like: "I don't give a damn if you're hurt or not" :( We woke up with our backs turned on each other, even though I was holding her a little while we were falling asleep. If we've never had a fight until now, this incident was the closest thing to it.
If you fight once, you're most likely to fight again. I don't want it to happen. I want to put my best efforts to making this relationship work as flawlessly as possible. It'll work out... It just has to!
18th September, 2004
I had a delicious breakfast in the morning, it was bread with pork.
We took a bus north to meet other 2 friends of Angel - Sarah and Vanessa. We entered a shopping center and found the cafe where they were waiting for us. The view outside the window was amazing. Sarah was talking non-stop, making everyone laugh. Except for me because I didn't understand a word she was saying. But nevertheless, I enjoyed their company and Angel's constant smiling and laughing triggered by Sarah's endless jokes. Oh Angel, you have such a wonderful smile. One of a kind!
After waiting for 10-15 minutes until the waitress noticed us, she gave us the check and I paid for everyone. Sarah said something funny in German which had the word "Israel" in it. I asked them to translate it for me. Turns out she said the following: "Wow. I wish I had an Israeli boyfriend as well." Ha-ha, thanks for the compliment. :) If my behavior is gonna make people think better of my country then by all means I'll try to behave as civilized and polite as it is ever possible. It really matters to me what people think of my country and my nation, therefore it is very important that my country does its best to look good in the eyes of the world with justice and equality being its primary concerns.
Anyway, we parted with them and took a bus home. As we reached her flat, Angel realized she'd forgotten the key at home. We tried ringing the bell, but no one was home and so we were locked outside...
We were sitting on the bench outside her house for a while, then we took a walk around the neighborhood and stopped at a small, Italian restaurant where we both ordered spaghetti in sauce (with slices of pork). It was delicious. Angel was full before even finishing half of her dish. :)
When she went to the restroom, I suddenly felt so alone. It was the giant difference between her absence and her magical presence. A minute without her was enough to make me realize how much I need her in my life and how much I'm afraid to lose her. I love her so much! I know I can't live without her!!
We came back home, but no one was there so we decided to go to town.
I bought Angel and my mom a beautiful necklace. I wanted to taste all kinds of berries that aren't available in Israel, and while picking the fruits I saw some fruits with a sign: "Imported from Israel". We bought some black and red currant. I can't remember when was the last time I've eaten currant. :)
After a while we bought ourselves ice cream, walked some more around town and then took a bus home.
It was getting dark, but no one was home yet. We decided to sit on the bench for some more. We joked around, did all kinds of silly things, messed with the camera, chased each other around the backyard, lied down on the wet grass, kissing. The camera's batteries were getting low so we went to a nearby store to buy some. It was getting late so Angel decided to call her mom. Her mom told her that both her brother and herself were staying overnight at friends!!! We'd have waited all night! Oh man, we'd have had the whole day and night to ourselves if only we had the key... But who knew?
Her mother's plans have changed. She had to come home and open the door for us, so she brought her sister and her daughter along. They stayed overnight with us.
We went to the bedroom and watched "Big". It's a good classic. But halfway through the movie we were falling asleep as we were terribly tired from the long day.
Even though I was extremely tired, I wanted to lay awake for a while and enjoy being in bed next to her for the 2nd and last night of the weekend. She rejected the idea and wanted to sleep. Somehow I felt hurt to be rejected that way. I told her that, but no reaction followed. That hurt me even more. I'm sure it wasn't her intention, but it felt like: "I don't give a damn if you're hurt or not" :( We woke up with our backs turned on each other, even though I was holding her a little while we were falling asleep. If we've never had a fight until now, this incident was the closest thing to it.
If you fight once, you're most likely to fight again. I don't want it to happen. I want to put my best efforts to making this relationship work as flawlessly as possible. It'll work out... It just has to!
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
An ordinary day of my dreams
17th September, 2004
I walked to the town center again this morning. This time I bought some souvenirs for my family, some more DVDs, cheap music CDs and an audio cable to connect the stereo system to the DVD so that she'll have a 4 speaker surround sound in her bedroom.
I came back at around 1:45pm. I was surprised to find out that her mom was home. While Angel was on her way back from school, her mother approached me with a few questions. She asked me straightforward whether I have a girlfriend in Israel. I was a bit shocked with the sudden question. It's hard or maybe even impossible to prove something like that. It's pretty easy to cheat while having a long-distance relationship, but whether people believe me or not, I'm proud to say that I wouldn't dare to do something like that, not in a thousand years, not to my Angel.
I can only imagine how terrible it must be if someone cheats on you while you're innocently waiting hundreds of miles away, not suspecting a thing.
Angel came home and her mother went out to town. We had some time for ourselves there, until her mother came back home... in the most unexpected moment. (I'll leave that to your imagination) But we were in her bedroom and were quick enough to prevent any possible embarrassment.
We watched the movie "Troy" in bed. After the movie was over, Angel's mother took us to a Chinese restaurant at the other side of town. We had a wonderful dinner. The food was very good, even though Angel had barely touched it. She never eats much.
We had to take a bus to get back home. Every bus station has a digital board indicating the time left for the bus' arrival. These buses don't wait for people. Sometimes you see people running to the station to get on the bus, but the driver doesn't wait for anyone. Well, at least that way they always seem to be on schedule.
As we arrived home, we spent the night together, kissing and holding each other, trying to slow down the time, enjoying every minute in each other's company and then falling asleep in each other's arms. Bless the weekend! :)
I forgot to mention - I gave her the ring today. She was really happy that moment, although it didn't really fit her fingers. But she put some other ring on top of it in order to hold it in place.
17th September, 2004
I walked to the town center again this morning. This time I bought some souvenirs for my family, some more DVDs, cheap music CDs and an audio cable to connect the stereo system to the DVD so that she'll have a 4 speaker surround sound in her bedroom.
I came back at around 1:45pm. I was surprised to find out that her mom was home. While Angel was on her way back from school, her mother approached me with a few questions. She asked me straightforward whether I have a girlfriend in Israel. I was a bit shocked with the sudden question. It's hard or maybe even impossible to prove something like that. It's pretty easy to cheat while having a long-distance relationship, but whether people believe me or not, I'm proud to say that I wouldn't dare to do something like that, not in a thousand years, not to my Angel.
I can only imagine how terrible it must be if someone cheats on you while you're innocently waiting hundreds of miles away, not suspecting a thing.
Angel came home and her mother went out to town. We had some time for ourselves there, until her mother came back home... in the most unexpected moment. (I'll leave that to your imagination) But we were in her bedroom and were quick enough to prevent any possible embarrassment.
We watched the movie "Troy" in bed. After the movie was over, Angel's mother took us to a Chinese restaurant at the other side of town. We had a wonderful dinner. The food was very good, even though Angel had barely touched it. She never eats much.
We had to take a bus to get back home. Every bus station has a digital board indicating the time left for the bus' arrival. These buses don't wait for people. Sometimes you see people running to the station to get on the bus, but the driver doesn't wait for anyone. Well, at least that way they always seem to be on schedule.
As we arrived home, we spent the night together, kissing and holding each other, trying to slow down the time, enjoying every minute in each other's company and then falling asleep in each other's arms. Bless the weekend! :)
I forgot to mention - I gave her the ring today. She was really happy that moment, although it didn't really fit her fingers. But she put some other ring on top of it in order to hold it in place.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
The value of life when love's present
16th September, 2004
I took a walk to the town center this morning. The weather was great - cloudy and sunny with a light cold breeze. Everything seemed so clean - the sidewalk, the cars, the houses. Even the air was fresh without any smell of gas. In short, walking the streets of Regensburg was really enjoyable. :)
I was mostly looking for a flower shop and a jewelry shop. I wanted to buy her a (relatively) expensive ring as a symbol of my strong love to her. There's a wedding ring, there's an engagement ring... well this one would be a... pre-engagement ring. A virtual-engagement if you like.
Although I found some nice and beautiful rings, I didn't know which ones would fit her fingers. In the end, I decided to take the risk and buy one, which was in my opinion the most beautiful (in the right price range). It was 8 carat gold for a decent price. I would never buy my precious Angel anything cheap!
After buying the ring I headed back home. I wanted to get back in time and get there before she does. On my way home, I entered a flower shop and bought her a bouquet of 10 flowers which I manually chose. The saleswoman didn't talk English, none of the salesmen which I've encountered in the last 2 days spoke English. But it's okay. I've managed. :)
German schoolkids were coming back home. I have to admit, many German schoolgirls are very pretty! But I don't care about it. :) I have my own pretty German schoolgirl, Hehe!
Even if she weren't pretty, I still wouldn't consider finding someone else. =)
I was getting late. She was going to get home soon. I decided to take a shortcut and walk the parallel street, even though I didn't really know where I was going. No matter how far I've walked, I haven't seen her flat anywhere. It was already 1:45pm and with every passing minute I was becoming more and more nervous.
I wanted to get home before she did so I would change clothes into something more elegant and romantic, hide the ring and make her a pleasant, after-school surprise! :)
At last, I reached her street and found her flat. Apparently, I was going the right way. I just forgot how far away from the town center her home is.
I went up the stairs and entered her apartment. Phew! She wasn't home yet. :)
I quickly changed clothes, hid the ring and waited until she came home. I could see the bus station out the window. It had only been a matter of a minutes before I saw her walking out of a bus, walking home... I kept wondering whether she's anxious to see me, every day impatiently waiting for the school-day to end? I know I would've. :)
She walked upstairs, opened the door and... SURPRISE! I greeted her with a bouquet of flowers and a big, warm hug. "Welcome home, honey!"
It took her a short moment to react. She thanked me for the warm welcome and told me about having a bad day in school. It didn't matter to her anymore as she was now happy.
She then changed her clothes and put on a sexy, red dress. We've kissed and embraced each other with wonderful, relaxing music playing in the background.
After an hour she wanted us to go to the newly opened Burger King restaurant to meet her 3 best friends, Shelly, Jenny and Clara. It was really fun! They talked in German most of the time, and I didn't talk much at all. Clara was talking so fast, telling jokes and making everyone laugh. She'd translate them for me sometimes. I liked her friends, they're very nice people. :)
Angel and I took a walk beside the river. We took a sit on a bench and had a wonderful view of boats and buildings, the quiet river and a flock of birds flying around. It was extremely beautiful, but it was twice as beautiful thanks to her presence! =)
We visited a big shopping center called Muller and bought ourselves 3 DVDs to watch in the evenings. It was "The Frighteners" "Big" and... "Braveheart". I don't know if she likes such movies, but since it's one of my favorites, I decided to take a shot.
The shop closed and we had to leave. We took a walk to a park east of the town center. We just sat there for a long while, talking about life, about us and everything else. There we exchanged the sweetest words and assured each other that we will always be together, no matter what. She told me she cannot imagine her life without me. I feel the same way.
We went home and watched "The Frighteners" while eating Lasagna in bed. It was only 10 minutes until the movie ended when she had to go to bed after her mother insisted for several times that she does so.
Perhaps her mom doesn't want to fall asleep without making sure that her daughter is safely sleeping separately from me.
Well, at least there's good news - her mom allowed Angel to sleep in her room on the weekend. That'll be cool! :) I went to bed and somehow forgot about the ring... I will give it to her tomorrow.
16th September, 2004
I took a walk to the town center this morning. The weather was great - cloudy and sunny with a light cold breeze. Everything seemed so clean - the sidewalk, the cars, the houses. Even the air was fresh without any smell of gas. In short, walking the streets of Regensburg was really enjoyable. :)
I was mostly looking for a flower shop and a jewelry shop. I wanted to buy her a (relatively) expensive ring as a symbol of my strong love to her. There's a wedding ring, there's an engagement ring... well this one would be a... pre-engagement ring. A virtual-engagement if you like.
Although I found some nice and beautiful rings, I didn't know which ones would fit her fingers. In the end, I decided to take the risk and buy one, which was in my opinion the most beautiful (in the right price range). It was 8 carat gold for a decent price. I would never buy my precious Angel anything cheap!
After buying the ring I headed back home. I wanted to get back in time and get there before she does. On my way home, I entered a flower shop and bought her a bouquet of 10 flowers which I manually chose. The saleswoman didn't talk English, none of the salesmen which I've encountered in the last 2 days spoke English. But it's okay. I've managed. :)
German schoolkids were coming back home. I have to admit, many German schoolgirls are very pretty! But I don't care about it. :) I have my own pretty German schoolgirl, Hehe!
Even if she weren't pretty, I still wouldn't consider finding someone else. =)
* * * * *
I was getting late. She was going to get home soon. I decided to take a shortcut and walk the parallel street, even though I didn't really know where I was going. No matter how far I've walked, I haven't seen her flat anywhere. It was already 1:45pm and with every passing minute I was becoming more and more nervous.
I wanted to get home before she did so I would change clothes into something more elegant and romantic, hide the ring and make her a pleasant, after-school surprise! :)
At last, I reached her street and found her flat. Apparently, I was going the right way. I just forgot how far away from the town center her home is.
I went up the stairs and entered her apartment. Phew! She wasn't home yet. :)
I quickly changed clothes, hid the ring and waited until she came home. I could see the bus station out the window. It had only been a matter of a minutes before I saw her walking out of a bus, walking home... I kept wondering whether she's anxious to see me, every day impatiently waiting for the school-day to end? I know I would've. :)
She walked upstairs, opened the door and... SURPRISE! I greeted her with a bouquet of flowers and a big, warm hug. "Welcome home, honey!"
It took her a short moment to react. She thanked me for the warm welcome and told me about having a bad day in school. It didn't matter to her anymore as she was now happy.
She then changed her clothes and put on a sexy, red dress. We've kissed and embraced each other with wonderful, relaxing music playing in the background.
After an hour she wanted us to go to the newly opened Burger King restaurant to meet her 3 best friends, Shelly, Jenny and Clara. It was really fun! They talked in German most of the time, and I didn't talk much at all. Clara was talking so fast, telling jokes and making everyone laugh. She'd translate them for me sometimes. I liked her friends, they're very nice people. :)
Angel and I took a walk beside the river. We took a sit on a bench and had a wonderful view of boats and buildings, the quiet river and a flock of birds flying around. It was extremely beautiful, but it was twice as beautiful thanks to her presence! =)
We visited a big shopping center called Muller and bought ourselves 3 DVDs to watch in the evenings. It was "The Frighteners" "Big" and... "Braveheart". I don't know if she likes such movies, but since it's one of my favorites, I decided to take a shot.
The shop closed and we had to leave. We took a walk to a park east of the town center. We just sat there for a long while, talking about life, about us and everything else. There we exchanged the sweetest words and assured each other that we will always be together, no matter what. She told me she cannot imagine her life without me. I feel the same way.
We went home and watched "The Frighteners" while eating Lasagna in bed. It was only 10 minutes until the movie ended when she had to go to bed after her mother insisted for several times that she does so.
Perhaps her mom doesn't want to fall asleep without making sure that her daughter is safely sleeping separately from me.
Well, at least there's good news - her mom allowed Angel to sleep in her room on the weekend. That'll be cool! :) I went to bed and somehow forgot about the ring... I will give it to her tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Am I dreaming? Rub your eyes again!
15th September, 2004
Angel came home from school this afternoon. We had 2 and a half hours before her mom came back from work. We spent most of it lying in her bed, kissing and holding each other with some romantic music playing in the background. I wish it could last forever!!! :)
We took a walk to the town to meet Shelly - Angel's very close friend who works there at Burger King. She introduced us to each other and then they talked in German most of the time. I just stood there, looking around, being all quiet and shy.
After walking around the town center and visiting a few shops, we took a walk to the bridge that took us across the Danube river. The view was fantastic... We were all wet after the falling rain and we both felt cold.
We kept walking around town until we reached a quiet park. Although the benches were still a bit wet, we sat down and kissed. At that moment, I wished, AGAIN, that the time stopped... at least for a few years!
It was getting dark and cold when we walked back home. We put a pizza in the oven, brought ourselves big glasses of wine, lit a few candles in the dark and made ourselves a perfect romantic atmosphere. We sat on her bed and watched our common, favorite TV series together on the DVD, kissing each other in between.
It was getting late. We were tired and sleepy, but the TV series were still on. As we were lying in bed and holding each other, she pressed her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes. It felt so romantic! I'll never forget this wonderful, magical moment! Although it was time for her to go to bed since she had school the following day, it felt like nothing mattered to her anymore whenever I hold her in my arms! I'm not sure that it's how she really felt, but that's the way I felt it. :) She's amazing and I SWEAR I WANNA BE WITH HER FOREVER!!!!!!!! I thank God for this great week, for it was worth all the suffering that I've experienced in the army. Oh, I wish I could stay here in Germany... How can I leave her, even for 1 minute?! It's hard enough when she's in school! I love her soooooo much! I hope that no matter how hard it's gonna be, love won't eventually kill me. I cannot imagine my life without her.
Only if we manage to get used to chatting again we will be able to wait for each other again until the next time that we meet.
This is the morning of 16th. I'm alone again, thinking about her and writing all this. I'm very excited to be here, to live this dream and am definitely looking forward to spending time with her today. :)
Angel left me the keys to the apartment this time. Now I'll be able to walk around town while she's in school. I'm gonna spend this morning to buy her flowers and something else that I want to give her.....
15th September, 2004
Angel came home from school this afternoon. We had 2 and a half hours before her mom came back from work. We spent most of it lying in her bed, kissing and holding each other with some romantic music playing in the background. I wish it could last forever!!! :)
We took a walk to the town to meet Shelly - Angel's very close friend who works there at Burger King. She introduced us to each other and then they talked in German most of the time. I just stood there, looking around, being all quiet and shy.
After walking around the town center and visiting a few shops, we took a walk to the bridge that took us across the Danube river. The view was fantastic... We were all wet after the falling rain and we both felt cold.
We kept walking around town until we reached a quiet park. Although the benches were still a bit wet, we sat down and kissed. At that moment, I wished, AGAIN, that the time stopped... at least for a few years!
It was getting dark and cold when we walked back home. We put a pizza in the oven, brought ourselves big glasses of wine, lit a few candles in the dark and made ourselves a perfect romantic atmosphere. We sat on her bed and watched our common, favorite TV series together on the DVD, kissing each other in between.
It was getting late. We were tired and sleepy, but the TV series were still on. As we were lying in bed and holding each other, she pressed her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes. It felt so romantic! I'll never forget this wonderful, magical moment! Although it was time for her to go to bed since she had school the following day, it felt like nothing mattered to her anymore whenever I hold her in my arms! I'm not sure that it's how she really felt, but that's the way I felt it. :) She's amazing and I SWEAR I WANNA BE WITH HER FOREVER!!!!!!!! I thank God for this great week, for it was worth all the suffering that I've experienced in the army. Oh, I wish I could stay here in Germany... How can I leave her, even for 1 minute?! It's hard enough when she's in school! I love her soooooo much! I hope that no matter how hard it's gonna be, love won't eventually kill me. I cannot imagine my life without her.
Only if we manage to get used to chatting again we will be able to wait for each other again until the next time that we meet.
This is the morning of 16th. I'm alone again, thinking about her and writing all this. I'm very excited to be here, to live this dream and am definitely looking forward to spending time with her today. :)
Angel left me the keys to the apartment this time. Now I'll be able to walk around town while she's in school. I'm gonna spend this morning to buy her flowers and something else that I want to give her.....
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