And the answer is...

3rd August, 2004

No. Apparently it was not my last AV patrol. We arrived at Hebron's bridge. The bridge connecting Hebron and Halhoul had a pillbox (watchtowers here are called "pillbox") in the middle, overlooking the bridge. It was constructed after several violent incidents, one of which involved throwing a washing machine on Israeli cars down the bridge. Between the two cities, below the "north-south" bridge there's a "west-east" road connecting Israeli cities of Kiryat Gat with Jerusalem, and Kiryat-Arba (a very big settlement near Hebron). There is also a Palestinian Coca-Cola factory near the pillbox.

Matan stopped a car near the factory and waited for something. I had to stand outside the AV and guard him for about an hour and a half. After an hour, he lost his patience and we left the car keys and the IDs of those who were in the car at the pillbox. Police borber guard soldiers came a while later and arrested the men as the vehicle was identified as stolen.

















Later on we did a checkpost on the bridge. Palestinian photographers came and took pictures of us checking cars. It looked as if they were waiting (if not begging) for us to do something illegal, show some form of brutality.

















The next vehicle was a bus full of Palestinians. Matan asked me to accompany him. The moment we went up the bus, the photographers started acting like paparazzi, pushing their cameras through the windows, taking dozens of pictures. After checking the bus, I asked one of the photographers what paper these pictures were for. He said he's independent and these pictures go to all the papers - Ma'ariv, Yediot, Haaretz, etc. The next day I checked the papers out of curiosity - what could they possibly write about us? There was no article. It didn't really surprise me.

4th August, 2004

Tonight we set an ambush beneath Telem, sitting quietly and hidden, ready for any possible attack. But it's nothing special really. It seems like a waste of time - no Palestinian militants ever walked there, no warnings of planned attacks were reported. Maybe it's just a way to use soldiers at maximum - let them guard night and day and rest a minimum of 4-6 hours, it's not like they can do much about it...

Ari is my sergeant or how should I call it... a sub-officer? Some commanders become sub-officers after serving a certain period of time in the army. Ari was the commander of my team and when Matan joined the battery he became my commander instead and Ari became a sub-officer. Anyway, Ari told me that the battery plans to give me a permission to fly to Germany at around 16th September just as I asked! =)

Angel's mom has ordered tickets to Croatia for 21st August until 4th of September. I won't be able to talk to Angel in that period of time and it might make things a bit difficult. It becomes more and more difficult with time as nothing is certain. When can she meet me? When exactly does the army let me fly abroad? Are there tickets available for those specific dates? What about Angel's school? (She's a year and a half younger than me)

I asked Ari to find out if they can let me fly abroad a little after Angel's arrival from Croatia. The first day of her school year is 16th September. I hope that her mother will let her skip school for 5 days (the period of time that I'll be with her, not including the weekend)
I can't wait to meet her and be with her for a week! It's going to be so great!!!

Everyone thinks I'm crazy, having a girlfriend from Germany whom I've never even met, flying abroad just to be with her for a week. A friend of mine joked about it: It's probably a 40 year old male named Jurgen who likes to rape little children. =)

5th August, 2004

This is the last day before we go home. I had an AV patrol and in the evening most of the battery (except the guys who're at home and those who guard) gathered at the house in Adora and we had a little celebration: Music, barbecue and soft drinks.

Violence is entertainment

1st August, 2004

Today's AV patrol involved another checkpost. Our lieutenant and his jeep's crew were with us. This time the checkpost was done on a narrow Palestinian road. It seemed more reasonable if you think about it: there were less cars on the road, the checkpost was in a hidden spot so that cars wouldn't be able to turn back and escape. It is more likely that illegal activities would happen on narrow roads.

Later on we drove to Beit Kahil' accompanied by Lieutenant's jeep. Somebody reported shots coming from Beit Kahil', a clash between two Palestinian clans. Matan the commander, Oleg the driver and Oren reacted to the event with great excitement. Matan rushed outside to put all the windows' protective, "anti-stone" nets. "Quick, put on your caskets! Yalla Oleg - let's get there as fast as possible!"

Many soldiers are too bored by the everlasting routine of constant guarding, patrolling and document checking. They want some action for a change. I don't know how it's like in other units, but real action rarely happens around us. So whenever there's a chance to shoot at Palestinians or throw some shock/gas grenades or simply witness some action or perhaps provoke some, many soldiers are more than delighted to seize this opportunity and experience something interesting that they could later tell their friends about.
I'm sure the same goes for many Palestinians as well, mostly the younger ones.

I personally prefer the boring routine. Better yawn and guard for nothing, rather than see people get shot or beaten up, or having myself and my friends put in danger. You guard in order to protect your country, not for self entertainment of any kind.

The clash was none of our business, but Matan insisted on going to the scene and asked for a permission from Yair, the lieutenant. Since we were just a short drive ahead of Beit Kahil, and Yair was close enough to join us, he authorized it.

It was the western end of the village. A crowd of Palestinians was coming back from what seemed to be the location of the clash. Whatever had happened there, it was already over.
Everyone kept looking at us. We were leaving the village now.

















Kids surrounded the vehicle. I saw a kid picking up a stone from the ground. A moment later he threw it at us. Another one followed shortly after. Matan requested permission to leave the vehicle and start shooting. Yair declined. He said that only if more people start throwing rocks at us, we are authorized to act. Few more rocks followed, apparently not enough. We didn't react.

Oleg is a very annoying guy. He is still a freshman, but he thinks that he can do whatever he wants. He smokes inside the vehicle, drives too fast, he disobeys Matan's orders. When Matan forbid him to smoke inside the vehicle, he decided to take revenge. When our shift was over and we were supposed to go back and switch, he decided that it's time to smoke a cigarette. "I can't smoke inside the vehicle, so I'm gonna smoke now and when I finish - I'll drive." He did his best to smoke it as slowly as possible, smiling at us and hoping we've learned our lesson - not to mess with him. To add to that, he decided to drive 20-30kmh back to Adora. It took us half an hour to get there. What an asshole! That was my last AV patrol for a while. I'm glad I won't hear him swearing in Russian again.

A mute witness

31st July, 2004

(1) On our way to the gas station we saw an abandoned car on the road. A police truck came and tucked it away saying that it was a stolen vehicle.

















(2) On our way back, Oleg, the AV driver had suddenly lost control of the steering wheel as he approached a curve while driving too fast. We went off the road, but lucky for us the hummer didn't hit anything, and we could resume our patrol.

(3) Matan, Oren and Oleg decided to drive to a Palestinian grapevine to steal some grapes. I remember a few days ago when I was in Adora Oleg brought a lot of green grapes to the house and one of the lieutenants asked him where he had taken it from. He claimed he'd taken it from the neighboring houses in Adora (there are indeed some places in Adora where you can see grapes growing outside the gardens, covering the walls, free for the taking) but this version didn't seem to stick, because the grapes in Adora needed at least another month to look like the ones he had brought with him. Now I'm convinced that he lied, that it's not the first time he steals grapes from Palestinians along with a commander and other soldiers (a commander is always present in the AV)

All I could do is sit in the backseat of the AV and watch them steal. Any comment on their behavior would be regarded as leftist. I was trapped: I could either sit and do nothing, which is like taking part in their theft, or I could tell all about it to an officer of a higher rank, and be regarded as an informant which may end up being far worse. The one thing I did do was take pictures of it.
















































The problem is, these soldiers don't see it as a crime. They're like the same kids they were at school - excited at causing some damage, at doing something illegal. There's one thing that they forget - they're not kids anymore, they wear an IDF uniform and they represent the Israeli army and Israel as a whole. They're no longer free individuals and they must abide by the rules of the organization they're a part of. That is mostly why IDF looks the way it does - individuality.

They don't think about the consequences of their actions or of what the other side must feel like. I can imagine what would happen if a Palestinian stole fruits from Israeli settlers... What can Palestinians do when they see armed soldiers walking on their property and taking whatever they want? There were several kids, women and old men looking at us as Oleg drove further into the vineyard to get some more grapes of a higher quality. I guess that's when Matan felt a bit of shame and decided against stealing in front of these people.

(4) We did a random checkpost on a narrow Palestinian road in order to check some cars. A TIPH car came. TIPH - Temporary International Presence in Hebron - these are guys with cameras who watch IDF soldiers carefully to see if we commit any injustices towards the Palestinian population. Soldiers hate them, but something tells me this hatred is genuine. There are many organizations of that kind in the territories. This is just a local one.
































(5) Yesterday we saw 2 ambulances pass by. Our lieutenant stopped them with his jeep in order to check them out. It's said that sometimes Palestinians use ambulances to smuggle terrorists and weapons from one place to another. Not today - the medical team said there was a traffic accident in Hidna in which 4 people were smashed to death.

(6) We arrived at a big house (or perhaps a small mansion) at the entrance of Halhoul, just above the bridge connecting the 2 cities. This big house was more like a safehouse for a Palestinian family that cooperates with IDF. This is something real strange: They live on the first floor and the other floors are populated by soldiers who watch over Hebron and Halhoul.
I had to patrol in the garden and the terrace with another soldier. It was a beautiful garden with a fountain, a marble-made floor and beautifully carved stone walls. I felt like a bodyguard of a mafia mob!

















We've waited until the plumber fixed the pipes and then left.

(7) We did another checkpost on the bridge between the two cities. We've been standing there for an hour while Matan and Tal (another commander from the nearby pillbox) checked 2 lanes full of cars. It doesn't matter what was its purpose, obviously the frustration of the mile-long line of cars along with hundreds of pedestrians weren't worth it. Dozens of Palestinians left the cars and started walking by foot.

We didn't find any kind of suspects or criminals among the Palestinians, but we surely gave them a good reason to create some. Why do we check IDs and cars on a road that leads from one Palestinian city to another? (Especially when it's completely ineffective as there are a hundred alternatives routes that connect the two cities which Palestinians use on a daily basis)

















Sometimes I don't understand the decisions that our officers make. But then I'm just an ordinary soldier - they don't owe me an explanation. They give me orders and I have to carry them out. Unless the order involves committing violence towards an unarmed civilian or any other illegal actions that count as illegal in IDF's ethical code, I must obey at all times.

The city and the people of Hebron

29th July, 2004

I called Angel and she seemed okay. She told me about yesterday. Her friend Anna and Anna's mother had a fight, and Anna told her she was going to runaway from home, but eventually she didn't. Instead, she and her have mother reconciled. Why is Angel so sensitive about her friends? She worries and cries at somebody else's problems and she really had me worried last night. I always worry that something bad might happen to her while I'm away, that I wouldn't be able to prevent it. Thank God everything's fine.

I plan to fly to Germany in August, when we get a "regila" (a week-long vacation). Only during a regila I can fly abroad, according to the military laws. But now Angel had told me that her mother, who refused to let her daughter fly to Israel to meet me, plans to go to Italy with Angel and her brother.

My mom gave me the phone number of that high ranking officer she was telling me about. That officer told her that according to military laws, I have the right to fly abroad during a regila. But officers from my battalion say that since it's a combat unit, the rules are more strict when it comes to vacations.

I called the officer and he told me I should fill in a paper - a request to fly abroad, and I should send him a copy so he'd hasten things. My unit should notify me a few weeks in advance so I could order tickets for certain dates (hopefully there will be tickets available). It all seems so unlikely to succeed, but I'm gonna try my best to see her. I always tell her that nothing is unachievable. Distance is not an obstacle, not in our modern world.

I moved to Adora again today, with Yoav and Or. Or asked me to switch places with him so he could patrol with Yoav in the settlement and visit that girl's house, and I would have an AV (armored vehicle) patrol on a hummer. I've gladly accepted his offer, knowing that AV patrol is considered better and far more interesting, although it's 8 hours, while the foot patrol is only 4. Of course after 8 hours of patrol you get the 8 hours of rest in return... theoretically speaking.

Bedouins near Adora reported to us about vehicles with armed Palestinians coming to their village. Our officers want to ambush them, but since I switched with Or, I won't take part in it.
Gunshots are heard daily from Hidna and Tarkumiya.
The ambush was eventually canceled.

30th July, 2004

After 2 1/2 hours of sleep I woke up for a long 9 1/2 hour patrol. It was very tiresome. We entered Hebron and it's neighboring village of Beit-Kachil. We were accompanied by our lieutenant's jeep. That's the rule - you cannot enter Hebron with only one vehicle, due to safety and operational reasons.

Everyone in the streets was staring at us. It was as if the time had stopped. People stopped walking or buying goods at shops. Instead they looked at our vehicles with clear hostility. Some people ran away, some signaled us to go away, others were looking at us from house entrances.
We obviously were an unwanted guest in a hostile environment.

Hebron provided a wide variety of buildings. There were old brick houses, unfinished deserted villas and rich, beautifully constructed.. mansions! (well, not quite mansions, but houses with at least 10-15 rooms) People on the streets were as varied as their homes - poor, moderate and rich - or at least they were dressed like that. Garbage was everywhere on the streets. The northern entrance to the city of Hebron welcomed its visitors with large commercial ads, beautiful buildings both of western-style and far eastern-style. The clean road with grass and palms in the middle gave the city an honorable look.

What was the purpose of the patrol? Why did we have to announce our presence to the citizens of Hebron? What good does it do? I know it's fun and exciting to drive in the streets of Hebron and see things you would never see as an ordinary Israeli citizen, but what does it have to do with defending my country? The commanders call it "demonstrating attendance" (or whatever you'd translate it...) It means that we have to show them that we're here, there and everywhere so that they will think twice before committing a hostile act.

I do not think that those who commit those acts are driven by fear and would change their minds when they see soldiers on their streets. If anything, it would make them be more cautious and more motivated to carry out their plans.

* * * * *

After the patrol, we had to clean the house. In Adora, we have a big villa with 7-8 rooms and 3 floors. Since we didn't clean it on time, we had to do it again by 5pm. At 5:30 I went to bed to finally get some sleep before the patrol at 7pm. But no, I didn't get no sleep because at 5:40 there was a drill: A terrorist had infiltrated the settlement. We'd been running for 20 minutes all around the settlement in this incredible heat. After that, I had just enough time to have a shower and eat dinner.

* * * * *

During the AV patrol, my commander, Matan, asked the Russian driver* to slow down. At night, we circle around the village to see if any part of the fence is cut and the driver has to drive very slowly so we won't miss anything. But he kept saying that it makes him sleepy and that it is taking up too much time. Matan insisted that he drove slowly, so the driver had decided to payback by driving 5km/h on the road as well. It took as half an hour to reach Telem that was only 3km away. He thought that Matan would run out of patience, but he didn't. Man, that was so boring and stupid!

*(AV drivers are not a part of our battery. They usually cause a lot of problems, because they have no commander in charge of them so they feel independent to do whatever they want. ie. If they get 7 hours and 50 minutes of sleep, they refuse to work. Well, not everyone, but most of them are very problematic and give our commanders a real headache.

When we arrived to Telem, we could see several different weddings being celebrated in 2 Palestinian towns. Shots and fireworks were fired. Technically, it's considered illegal for them to possess weapons. IDF (my battery and other forces in the region) wanted to enter the towns and arrest everyone who has weapons on them, but eventually they didn't do it.

Matan told us how once, during one of his AV patrols in a different area (Beit Sira) they had to cross a road where a wedding ceremony was being held - there was a wedding parade of some kind. They tried to cross, but the Palestinians began throwing rocks at them, they stopped the vehicles, threw shock and tear gas grenades at the crowd and fired rubber bullets. The crowd dispersed and the wedding couple, was probably injured as well. Then Matan started laughing at his own story. Damn, how it made me angry!

He also told us how once a Russian AV driver threw a smoke grenade inside a Palestinian store after the store owner yelled at the soldiers. Then the owner picked up a big stone, threw at the driver and missed. The driver chased him down and shot his back with a rubber bullet.
Another story involved the same Russian driver and a Palestinian boy who fainted right after he was shot by the driver with a rubber bullet.

* * * * *

We entered Hebron again. Young boys smiled and waved as we passed by. Older boys stared at us with hatred. Other people gave us an anxious, unwelcoming look.

Fortune for some, misfortune for others

27th July, 2004

In a few minutes we're going on a joint patrol with soldiers from Adora .

A man and a woman came to our house. (The settlement provides soldiers with a small house - that's where we currently live) When I looked at the guests I was surprised to discover that it was that girl from Adora, the one from yesterday. The man was actually her brother.

She talked to Yoav and Udi. She told them that she had changed her plans, that she's coming to Holon (a city near Tel Aviv where Yoav lives) and that she stays in Adora until next week. She asked that one of us (preferably Yoav) accompanied her to Adora. She added that when we're in Adora, we're free to come visit her place. Just before leaving, she came to our room and gave Yoav her phone number. Giggling foolishly, looking silly and talking childishly, she left.

What can I say? Maybe they deserve each other. You're free to do that, just not to the innocent and romantic type of girls, lest hurting them and breaking their hearts. They deserve better!

For some reason, I wish it all wouldn't have happened. Maybe because perverts should learn by all means that girls are not sex objects.

It seemed that her brother knew everything and didn't care much.

Now I recall one more thing that Yoav said yesterday when we left the field: "Does it count if I fuck her in Holon? I mean, will it count as if I fucked a settler?"

28th July, 2004

Today is a bad day for me and Angel. I didn't hear from her for 3 days now. -.-

I SMSed her again and this time I got a reply. She wrote that she e-mailed me everyday, but I didn't receive anything. She said she's not doing fine. When I asked her if I could call her, she said that she doesn't want to talk to anyone. I got really worried...

Later that night she called me and said that she was sorry. When I asked her what happened, she said she'd start crying again if she talked about it. I had to go on a patrol so we hung up. She wrote me earlier, saying that it's okay, that it's something related to a friend of hers.

During the whole patrol I was worried, thinking someone died. The next morning, I kept thinking about it, asking God that all misfortune that befalls Angel would instead happen to me. I don't want her to stop smiling, ever.

The conservative, secular me

26th July, 2004

Often during the day, and everytime I go to bed, I keep thinking about my sweet Angel, I keep imagining us together, of how great it's going to be when we finally meet - and it makes me feel so free and peaceful, as if I've achieved everything I ever wished for.

Sometimes my thoughts go where they really shouldn't, and that's when I want to punch myself hard because I hate it. I can't control my thoughts 100% and when I don't, it feels wrong. She's so sweet and innocent, and not the type of girl to imagine yourself having sex with. When I look at her pictures, all I wanna do is hold her and kiss her. I can never dare to (willingly) think about anything sexual when it comes to her, even though she's very sexy in her pictures.

* * * * *

Yesterday, my mother told me she'd been infected from our cat with a disease called "mushroom" (?) She says the Animal Protection Organization sold us a sick cat without warning us.

* * * * *

We played Soccer with the local children today. Some of them came from the neighboring settlement of Adora. An hour later two girls joined the field, sitting, watching us play and talking with each other. When we (the soldiers) finished playing and took a sit, they joined the game with the kids, playing passes and whatever.

One of the girls looked good, and so the three teammates talked about her . Yoav kept looking at her. I wanted to go back to the house but decided to stay and see how they behave. Will they talk to her? How will it all go? Eventually, she was the one who started the conversation with us. (mostly with Udi and Yoav. Or was adding jokes to the conversation. I didn't talk at all.)

Yoav asked her if she could join us on a patrol. She said her parents don't allow her to hang out with soldiers (a smart advice if you ask me, lol) She also said that she leaves to Tiberias or to the Greek island of Kos next week so we won't see her, and that in three weeks from now, she joins the army... for 3 years instead of 2.

Somehow it made me glad, not seeing another girl falling for Yoav's tricks, and refusing to believe that most girls are like most guys - lusting for sex most of the time.

That girl isn't my type, and even if she were, I've already got the best girl in the world!

A while later we left and the three started exchanging impressions: "I would fuck her!" "yeah, me too." And even Or, who has a girlfriend for 3 years now, said he'd fuck her if he could.
He showed me his girlfriend's pictures today. Man, I pity her.
Then Yoav asked each one of us: "Would you fuck her?"
Everyone said "yes" but me. Then everyone looked at me, waiting for my answer.
I said "no".
"So what if you've got a girlfriend? You'd fuck her anyway, wouldn't you?" "No, I wouldn't."
"...and suppose you didn't have a girlfriend?" "Still - I won't."

They just can't understand that I'm different? Their behavior is their business, my behavior is mine. I would never go and sleep with some girl whom I don't know just because she looks good, or just because I can. You know what? Maybe under different circumstances I would, I don't know. But definitely not when I have Angel, a rare treasure I would never want to risk losing.

Maybe if they had been in my place, they would have acted like me. But I find it hard to believe. I cannot imagine them truly falling in love, being satisfied with one single woman. Maybe in 10 years they'll change, but probably not.

On one hand, some part of me envies those guys who get laid 24/7 with dozens or hundreds of different girls, but on the other hand, after finding what seems to be true love - I wouldn't trade that for any kind of pointless, short-termed sex. Perhaps in another life. ;)

The next stop: The Telem Settlement

25th July, 2004

This settlement (Telem) is like a summer vacation for soldiers. We have 4 hour shifts at night and morning and the rest of the day is off. We played soccer yesterday, everything was really fine, although everyday I feel myself more and more distant from the 3 team mates that reside here with me. They're totally different in their behavior, their interests and their life perspectives.





In one way, I'm happy to be left alone - listening to my own music, reading my books without being disturbed, but on the other hand I often find myself wondering whether I should change my behavior and get closer to them.

But how can I? They listen to music that I despise, they talk about things that annoy me more than anything else: sex perversion, chauvinism. They tend to give shit about everything but themselves (sometimes even about their own friends).





Palestinian workers, as absurd as it may sound, work in the settlement, paving roads, building patios, gardening and so on. Some Palestinians probably despise them for that, but what can they do, they need the money.

A young soldier from a Golani unit was guarding at the entrance gates to the settlement when the Palestinian workers approached him and asked for a permission to stay for 5 more minutes so they could finish their work. But what was even more absurd is they reply of another young soldier from Golani who received the notice via radio. He said: "Tell them they have 5 minutes only and no extensions!"





While there's not much guarding to do, time seems to slow down, switching to a lower gear. 10-11 more days until I'm home again. Can't help but count - an indication of a slow time-pace.

A week of minor events

Before going home I had an interview with our battery commander and we've talked about my future in the battery. He said that I'm a very good soldier, that's he's very pleased with me, that I should keep up the good work and that I've a chance to become a "senior" soldier in 4 months. (With privileges but more responsibility.) But he also expects me to organize events and be a sort of leader and that isn't exactly me...

15th-19th July, 2004

When you come home for a few days after 2-3 weeks in the army, you begin to realize how much you miss home and how precious is every minute of your time as a "free" man.

Angel was online and we talked for 4 days every night. She also sent me a lot of her pictures. She's such a model!! :) She wanted to cut her hair short, like Julia from T.A.T.U (her favorite band), but changed her mind. I told her I love her present haircut. She's really beautiful with her long hair!

I posted in StudentCenter.org about the story of me and my Angel. People told me things like - it's the most romantic story I've ever heard of. They wished me good luck and advised us to hold on to each other and be patient. We definitely will!!! I didn't chat with her Mom, but I'll probably fly to Germany. :) Can't wait any longer! I love her so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20th July, 2004

Time passes by so fast, that the next thing you know - you're back in the army again. I'm currently in our battery's base near Telem. It's fine here, for now...

22nd July, 2004

After having a constant 4/4 shift the whole day (4 hours guard / 4 hours rest and then again...) the 1st department arrived to the base for an evening event and those who had a 4/4 shift were promised they would rest until 10a.m.

But you know how it's like in the army... you must never rely on such promises. Things change so often that every night you don't know how much sleep you'll be getting, you just have to go to bed as soon as you're allowed (around 8:30-9:00 p.m.) - that is unless you're on a shift.

I woke up at 6:15 a.m. and Ron told me I should dress up and go guard at the watching post. Arguing wouldn't help. Refusing to go will only cause more problems - I still want to get home 16 days from now. Besides, the poor guy who's currently guarding is on a shift from 2 a.m. - if you wake the commanders up and start arguing with them, not only that it's useless most of the time, but also the poor guy would be stuck in there more time instead of being in his warm bed.

After having finished guarding for 4 hours, you expect to be replaced. You wait for the guy to come. Every minute gets you more and more upset. Sometimes you can get into a really bad mood if you guard 20 minutes more than you're supposed to. Some guys wage wars - "he was late for 20 minutes? I'll be late for 30!" Other guys punish the wrong people - not always the one you replace in the post is the one who replaced you, so some people just don't care and punish whoever they're supposed to replace.

I've put aside all the bad thoughts and tried to keep myself in a good mood during the shift. Luckily, it was the right thing to do. After the shift was over I slept a little while and then the lieutenant came looking for me and took me to the Telem settlement where most of my team was.

We were supposed to start patrolling at night, but an hour and a half earlier, someone announced on the military radio that a Palestinian opened fire on an Israeli car near our base, 1km from the settlement. Fortunately, no one was injured. The threat level has been elevated and we started our patrol immediately.

After 4:30 hours we were replaced by Or and Yoav and went straight to bed with our clothes on. (Military readiness due to the high threat level.)

The next day it was quiet again. My Angel e-mailed me and told me about her school trip. They've visited a concentration camp and she was horrified by what she's seen there. She wrote that she doesn't want to think about it, that things are different now. I'm surprised but, in a way, glad that students in Germany get to visit such places and learn of their history no matter how unpleasant it may be. But I don't want my Angel to see such things, to be troubled by all the cruelty that this world projects on a daily basis. She told me her grandparents were against the Nazi regime and that she's against it too. :) I've heard that many Germans feel embarrassed from their history. Even though they should be, I wish things didn't happen the way they did. Now it's 2004. I'm a Jewish-born, Russian-Israeli guy who's deeply in love with a non-Jewish German girl and what was 60-70 years ago is irrelevant to our relationship. I love her more than anything and I'll be with her forever, no matter what.

* * * * *

The guys here talk about sex again. :( Ido says that the settlement's mayor has 3 young daughters.
Yoav: "I want to get laid with them".
Ido: "Hope they have the mayor's eyes, but are not as dumb as their daddy." Yoav: "When my shift comes, I'm gonna patrol around her house"

They started talking about Tal's girlfriend: "Tal, why does your girlfriend yell at you whenever you speak to her on the phone?" He replied: "Who cares?! As long as I get what I want when I come home from the army."
"How long are you two together?" "3 years." "Maybe you should consider marrying her!" A burst of laughter followed. "I cheated on her with 2 girls. One of them is her best girlfriend, but it was a short relationship."

It's so sad for me to hear all this. 3 guys from my team - total disrespect to women, all they ever talk about is football and sex. Many girls don't know what they're boyfriends like. I wish they did.

Good thoughts of eternal happiness

12th July, 2004

On thursday I'll finally be home! Wohoo!

This evening me and my team are moving to our battalion's headquarters, near Telem. We'll guard there and have some practice at a shooting range.

I look at the pictures of my Angel. Oh! The more I look at her, the more amazing, beautiful and special she seems to me. I'm so happy and proud to be her boyfriend!!! O:) I love her soooooooooooooooo much!!!

I wrote a few love messages (SMS) to her and I always think about her! I also wrote 2 songs which are dedicated to her, I just hope I'll remember their melodies until I come home.

(Now that I read my diary entries, I don't seem to remember any such melodies. I guess I haven't managed to remember them after all)

13th July, 2004

Oh it's so great here! :) For each 4 hours that we guard we get 8 hours of rest (well, most of the time it's more like 6, but it's still better!) There's a cafetery where we can buy some cold drinks. We can finally sleep without the uniform, we can take a bath every night!

Yesterday, my Angel e-mailed me a long, cool letter. Oh man, she's soooo amazing! Can't find the word to describe this!

I'm looking at her photos and imagine her with me. Even imagining her is enough to make my breathing harder. I can't imagine how great I'll feel when I be with her. I can't wait for it anymore, I wanna meet her! Argh!

I don't know what I would have done without her. How I would have survived the basic and advanced training of my military service. She was the only thing that made me strong during those hard days. I can't imagine how great my life will be when I finish my military service. I'll travel all over the world with my Angel and then, one day, I will marry her! Oh, Angel... :)


15th July, 2004

We went home quite early, around 11:30a.m. after we spent time practicing at a shooting range, some shooting and positioning exercises. The officer said that we'll have a charity day on our next home release. That means that the army takes a day from our holiday in order to use us as soldiers for various charity events to make IDF look good in the eyes of the Israeli public. I'd be glad to help people, but not when it's obligatory and not during the few days per month that I get to be home. *sigh* I just hope it won't take much time.

Girls, girls, girls

9th July, 2004

There were 4 fence alarms today, the highest number so far.

I had a patrol today with Yoav. He wanted us to sit next to the synagogue, where he can see the basketball field - the place where that girl is doing jogging at nights. He told me he saw another girl of our age, a blond one: "But she's ugly and not worthy of a d**k. But I hope that this one will turn out to be hot." ...yet girls are attracted to him. They most likely don't know that to him they're just sex objects.

Word got out that the previous team of soldiers, who were replaced by Egoz a few weeks ago (The Egoz team has been replaced by a Golani team a few days ago), were invited by her to her house. During a patrol, two guys accepted her invitation and spent time with her at the house. One of them wanted to get into bed with her, but she told him he's too young, that if he'd been a bit older perhaps she would've slept with him.

For some reason, girls like that make me sad. Girls who'd sleep with strangers just for fun. They may do whatever makes them happy, but I think it's kind of cheap. Same for guys - guys who'd sleep with any girl that'd want them are cheap. But I don't care, I have my Angel. She's the most incredible girl in the world. Sex has never been my primary goal. Love has always been more important to me.

* * * * *

The girl went jogging in the field and walked past us during our patrol. Finally we saw her face. She wasn't pretty to my taste, she was around 20 and taller than me, I think. Even the Golani guys talk about her and about a few other girls they've seen around. There are only about 30 families living in Adora and some of the soldiers here, if not all of them, are desperate to get laid. Maybe I'd have been like them if I didn't have my Angel. Even though I've never met her yet, with her I feel like I could live without sex for a hundred years. I'll hold on to her forever!! Because I know I'll never find anyone like her, ever!

I received an e-mail from her, but I've problems opening it on my phone. My mom opened it at home and read it to me on the phone: Angel says her mom plans to go to Florida next year, that would be great for her family and maybe even for the two of us! She wrote that her mom wouldn't let her fly to Israel even if I have a webcam chat with her, and she may not have Internet next friday, when I'll be home - that means I won't be able to talk to her for the next 25 days!!! She can't call me, she can barely send me 1 sms per day. She also said that her mom won't let her fly to Israel even if I fly to Germany first and meet her. I'm so sad... I need to call her.

Usually, after I talk to her I become happy because she's so great!!! Her voice is so magical... I'm gonna call her. Sorry I'm just too depressed to write right now... :(

* * * * *

We talked for 20 minutes. She said she'll talk to her mom and ask her if she would let us travel alone around Germany. Things are really going bad right now, but we'll never give up. Nothing will keep us away! The strength of our love will eventually beat the time and distance obstacles.

A new threat

8th July, 2004

Somebody called the police of Kiryat-Gat and warned of an impending attack of Palestinian militants on one of the two settlements that my battery is protecting - Adora and Telem.

The battery commander decided to set an ambush in the eastern part, just outside of Adora. A hummer would patrol the south-western part of Adora and tempt the militants to go straight to the ambush.

While training prior to the mission, Telem's patrol announced on the radio that they've discovered a hole in the fence. 3 soldiers from Adora and the battery commander jumped in a jeep and drove to Telem (500 meters of distance) as reinforcements. The rest of us stayed in Adora.

When they checked the hole, it was false alarm - the hole was there all along.

Meanwhile, me, my commander and another soldier - we set an ambush. It was like hell, lying on spiky bushes while all your body hurts. Thank God it was only 2 hours!

During this day there were also 3 automatic fence alerts that we had to check. Nothing special. Probably birds again.

Make this world a better place

7th July, 2004

An 18 year old girl crossed the street. After checking her out, Ido said: "Nah, she's too ugly to f**k". What an asshole. There's something else about him that I dislike... He earns respect from everyone for being so cool with his carefree behavior but he himself doesn't seem to respect anybody.

He'd engage in negative gossip about everyone with anyone. Can someone like that be a real friend? Talking behind people's backs, criticizing your friends, being two-faced.

I know sometimes it's hard not to criticize people, but we should do our best, especially when it comes to our friends. If we value our friends and they're important to us, we should show at least a little bit of respect.

One more thing I dislike about many soldiers in my battery: Their total indifference when it comes to all kinds of things. Examples: Washing the dishes the way that only half of them become clean, littering everywhere, even if there's a trash can 5 feet away, peeing on the toilet cover, throwing torn newspapers and toilet paper on the floor, leaving dishes at the table as if in a restaurant. Why? Bad home education?

Eventually you have to clean up after them. We have to clean twice every day and it'd have been much easier had they not been so careless. Sometimes I'd clean up after others just because I like it when it's all clean. Even in the streets of the settlement or anywhere else where I might be. Doesn't the world look better when it's clean? Don't people care about the nature? I wish more people did. It could be a very beautiful world if it were all clean.

My officer told me that I'm putting more effort than others, that I'm a very good and disciplined soldier and that if I keep up like that, I may be "promoted" and receive a job at the battery (better service conditions - no cleaning up, be released home more often, have my own room where I could watch TV etc.)

I hate flattering myself. I like to be good and to be recognized as a good person but it should come from a man's deeds, not his words. But since it's a diary, I guess I can afford that. If there's bad things to write about myself, I will, that is if I notice them.

My Angel doesn't know much about my service. She never really asks and it might not interest her. Sometimes I'd say a thing or two, but she wouldn't show much interest. Maybe it's better for her not to know these things. I know her since my last grade in high school so she doesn't really see me as a soldier, I think. It doesn't matter, though. I hope that she loves me for who I am. I know I love her for who she is and that's true love! Her love for me is true too and that's the only thing that matters to me!

Sometimes she's so incredible, especially when she shows me how much she loves me and how far she'd be willing to go to be with me. She is amazing and she makes me feel over and over again that I have the B-E-S-T girlfriend in the whole world!!!

During my patrol I came up with a movie scenario. Two best friends - An Israeli and a Palestinian grew up together in a village (where Israelis and Palestinians used to live together). After several years, a separation wall was built in the middle of the village, splitting it into two parts - one being Israeli and one Palestinian. The wall also separated the best friends and from then on they weren't allowed to see each other. As time passed, they became more involved in politics. The Israeli guy joined the army, the Palestinian guy struggled to find work and practically help his family stand on their feet. He eventually joins Hamas and gets paid well for his skills in engineering, producing explosives and wiring for them. The two meet again when the Israeli guy enters Nablus while on a military operation. His mission is to raid the building in which the weapons lab is located and arrest everyone in the building for suspicion in being connected to Hamas.

Well, I have to work much more on this story. The story begins as the Israeli guy, being the narrator tells us the story while sitting in prison. He's a different person. He learned the true meaning of hatred. The story ends as the Israeli guy is released from prison, walking on the road, carrying a Palestinian child on his shoulders, his best friend's son. I leave the rest for your imagination. This story, once completed, can shock the whole world with its strong message. If I ever manage to deliver this message to the world, it would be a dream come true, it may make the world slightly a better place, which is probably more than I could ever achieve in my life, unless of course I get to publish my music. (http://www.soundclick.com/skylite)

Thank you, visitor, for reading my blog. I wish you, whoever you are, a good day and much much happiness in your life. And no, I'm not on drugs in case you were wondering. :) There's a still a lot of things to post. But for now I'm gonna call it a night. I'll see you soon.