The last, long days of October

22nd October, 2004

It's my team's turn to go home next week for 6 days, but it's been decided that we'll only have 1.5 days of vacation because by the end of next week we finish our duty in this place and move to our home base in the Golan heights to reorganize before our next mission.

We're going to be here for exactly 1 month in total. Every week 2 teams are released home for 6 days. We've never been released home for 6 days in a row before, but since we're here for just a month, each one of us will get only one, long vacation anyway. Except my team. We'll go home with everyone else next weekend for 1.5 days.

I called Angel this evening. Oh how happy I was to hear her magical voice once again!

After some talking, I asked her a few questions: "So, did you get used to it? ...being bisexual?" "yeah" "What do you think is going to happen to our relationship? Is it going to change in some way?" "I don't know" "I'm not talking about Anna. I'm talking about bisexuality. Anytime during our relationship you could fall in love with some girl.." "it can happen in any relationship" "yes, but I thought that I'm your one & only. If it's true love, how come you love Anna as well? Do you love us both equally?" "no, I like Anna a bit, but I'm not in love with her the way I am with you." (the quotes aren't absolutely accurate, but their content is.)

I asked her: "what if you fall in love with some girl? can it happen and will it affect our relationship?" "I don't know" "Is it possible that you'll love some girl more than you currently love me?" "I don't know".

Of course she doesn't know. How can I expect her to know such things? I guess I'm just worried. I'm afraid to wake up one day and realize that she's gone. I need to be aware of all the dangers that threaten our relationship. Can I prevent them all? No, but I'll do my best.

Her happiness is my priority. If she ends up being in love with someone else and she'll be happy with that person, I will let it be. Can I really prevent her from falling in love with someone else? No. The only thing I can do right now is try to keep the flame burning... keep it burning until we meet again.

Despite my anxious questions, she sounded happy when she was talking to me. It made me calm and happy as well. We exchanged I love you's and hung up.

I couldn't help but sending her a "thank you" SMS: "You did it again - your magical voice has penetrated my heart and made me very happy! My Angel, I hope with all of my heart that our relationship will stay this way. My wife, love me forever like I do. O:)"

She makes me so happy everytime I talk to her. We'll chat on Friday.

She replied, saying that she loves me very very much, more than Anna.

True love will prevail! If we really want it, we can make this work!

23rd October, 2004

The view from the observation tower.

Daniel asked me to switch places with him. He's supposed to go on an 8 hour foot patrol today (Saturday) but his parents want to come and visit him. They live far in the south, in Beer-Sheba and can't visit him for too often.

He's one of my best friends here, how could I refuse? I know he'd have done the same for me.

So from now on I'm doing foot patrols and he's guarding in the observation tower. There's only 1 week left anyway...
















Saturday's food's always terrible in my opinion. Hamin.

27th October, 2004

These patrols are really boring. They're 8 hours long. You don't walk around up and down the hills the whole 8 hours. You find a quiet, shaded hidden place to sit down and observe the surroundings. Our commander, Matan, was particularly annoying. He would ask us to report our status every 5 minutes to make sure we don't fall asleep. Sometimes he would throw small stones at us... until he hit one of our teammates (Nitzan) in the brow and left a scar. Annoyed, Nitzan wanted to put Matan on trial, but since Matan didn't do it on purpose, he did not receive any punishment.

I was told that in one of the earlier patrols, Matan, Nitzan and a few others were doing some sort of car raids. They would hide in the forested area of the hill. When a Palestinian car passed by, they would run at it, shouting, with guns pointed at the driver and the passenger, demanding documents and possibly even searching the car for anything illegal. (Who gave them such an order?! Was it Matan's original idea? What a way to spend 8 hours of foot patrol!)

So in one of those raids, Matan ran to the car and pointed his gun at the front window and Nitzan pointed his at the back window. When Nitzan saw a little baby sitting at the back and he realized who he was pointing his gun at, he backed off. I bet he didn't feel good about it...

* * * * *

This morning's patrol was really tough. We had to walk uphill all the way back to the base on foot on a very hot day instead of being picked up by a "safari".

Yesterday we packed most of our stuff and loaded it onto the trucks. This is the last patrol in this place... Another was battery already arrived to replace us. We took a quick shower and waited a few hours until the buses came to take us to our home base in the Golan Heights where we will unpack and go home the day after.

* * * * *

Addition: Idan was an officer of ther first platoon back then. When he got released from the army, he didn't mind his commander-friends revealing this story to everyone...

Officers were on AV patrols most of the time.

AV drivers here were... 2 female soldiers. They're girls who've already finished their military service, but decided to sign a contract and extend their service for a year or so (it's called "Keva" - permanence.)

Many soldiers consider signing a Keva. You're released home more often. You get an average salary and the best hing about it is that you don't spend too much money because you eat and live at the base. I personally never considered Keva, even for a second. Why delay my real life by another year and be tempted to sell my freedom for some extra cash?

Back to the story... These 2 female soldiers were residing at our base in a separate living container. The funny thing is, we only had one showers block. One of the girls had to guard the entrance and make sure no one's entering or peeking whenever one of the girls was taking a shower. One time the girl-guard didn't see Matan entering the showers when our chubby battery's clerk (the third and last girl at the base) was taking a shower. He didn't get to see anything but her naked back...

Anyway, Idan was residing at the officer's & senior commanders room. It was late at night when Sharon, a friend of mine had finished guarding at the entrance gates. He had to unload his weapon in front of a commander. That is the safety procedure. (we're not trusted!) So even though it's night, you have to go and wake up one of the commanders so he could make sure you've safely unloaded the weapon.

Apparently no one was present at the "junior" commanders room so he knocked on the senior commanders' door. Idan was inside at the time... alone and having sex with one of the AV drivers!! An officer was about to get caught doing something extremely illegal on duty! He quickly put his pants on and opened the door, pretending to be sleepy and tired. Lucky for him, Sharon didn't suspect a thing.

28th October, 2004

The whole battalion was taken to Karmiel in 3 buses. It's 3 years since Nir Nahum's death. He was a soldier in my battery. He was killed in a suicide bombing while he was on his way to buy gifts to released soldiers. I didn't know him. I was still in school 3 years ago.

A big howitzer statue was donated by our battalion to commemorate his life. This statue is located in the main park in Karmiel.

After the ceremony was over we were back on the buses, eager to get home. However, word came that Arafat's health deteriorated and IDF decided to halt all units from releasing soldiers home in case Arafat dies. Oddly enough, we found ourselves praying for his health, at least for the weekend, so we could finally get home.

It was 5p.m. on Friday. All buses were about to stop operating. Then they wouldn't be able to release us home because they can't assure that everyone can get home safely.

In the end they've decided that 2 teams who were supposed to be released for 6 days (including my team) are to be released now and the others would wait for updates. After 1 and a half hours they were all released home as well. They told us that if anything happens, they would call us back.

We weren't called back, but we only had 1.5 days to spend time at home. Then we'd get back for... nobody knows how long, especially if Arafat dies...

In Good Hands

21st August, 2004

As usual, on Saturday you get a day off, but in my case it really didn't matter much - Here in Telem we patrol 3 hours at night and that's it. I slept a lot, and in the evening we played soccer until something happened...

Even though it's Saturday and we're not wearing our uniforms, we have our weapons and the radio with us all the time.

Or heard the emergency code-word that meant there was a terrorist activity somewhere in our region. We all ran to the house to get ready. The radio updated us with some details: It turns out, our battery commander's jeep was fired at. We had to patrol in the settlement until things calmed down. After 2 hours we were told it was false alarm - Gil (our battery commander) heard an explosion. He thought it a blown up tire, but when they checked the vehicle, they found a bullet-like bump, thinking that they might have been fired at... with 1 bullet? Eventually, it turned out to be an old bump and a false alarm.


22nd August, 2004

I called Lital. It appears that Dror shouldn't have handed the papers to the regiment commander. He has to sign when the documents are fully filled in and signed by all the required sources. He should have given it back to Lital and only after additional procedures, the major would sign it. She said she'd be back at the base this evening and that I should call her tomorrow.

23rd August, 2004

Or and Yair decided to do some charity work for the settlement - seal all the holes in the fence that surrounds Telem. We've been working for a few hours in this unbearable heat until we've finished it. I expected some kind of a reward after we're done... what was I thinking?!

I called Lital. She said that she's been assigned to work at the kitchen today but she'll give the papers to Dror. (Yes, sometimes desk-work soldiers have to work at the kitchen too, but only 1 person per day, whereas our battery has to send 3-4 each day. As a result, some of us end up being in the kitchen 2-3 times a week.)

Dror called me and I dictated him some details that should be added or fixed. He gave it back to Lital, who said that she will sign everyone involved and I'll know the results when I call her tomorrow.

Another incident happened today - a militant fired towards an Israeli vehicle while he was driving on the road connecting Telem, Adora, Hebron and Kiryat-Araba with Kiryat-Gat and the western part of Israel. A boy was injured in the incident, although he wasn't hit by a bullet. We had to stay alert and patrol additional 4 hours until things calmed down. The militant had managed to escape but his weapon was found, along with 5 bullet casings.

24th August, 2004

Lital asked me when exactly I have a regila. "On 13th, but also tomorrow with my team". She said I should call her tomorrow.

I called Angel after realizing that I may not be able to receive her messages since she's in Croatia. She said she didn't receive mine either. But all that matters is that she's alright and that she's having a great vacation. =)

25th August, 2004

Even though today was the day that I finally got home, it was a bad day.
I couldn't reach Lital. All the desk-work soldiers have been sent to a country club vacation.
Yair told me to come back on Friday (on 27th) for the weekend, because they're in need of more soldiers. Turns out I don't have 2 free weeks. I have my regular 5 days split in two (25-26) (29-31), without the weekend. We were released home at around 5pm. I got home at the end of the day at 8:30pm yet it counts as a day off. *sigh* But at least I'm home and will only stay 12 days in the army before flying to Germany!!!

27th August, 2004

Just 5 minutes after I arrived back to Telem, I was taken to the AV for a 3 hour patrol. That's called efficiency. Not once do they use us soldiers to our maximum capabilities. No, not once, but quite excessively.

No news from Lital. I still can't reach her. Yair told me that Gil, our battery commander, had signed the papers 2 days ago, that everything is fine. Let's hope so...

Yair is a good guy. He's our platoon commander. Never have I had a better platoon commander before. He's a very kind guy with a good sense of humor. He helps us whenever he can. He too has a girlfriend who's now in India on a trip. Maybe, in some way, he knows how I feel.

I cannot stop thinking about Angel. She's amazing! I know I haven't met her yet, I have never seen her in person, but that's what makes our relationship so special. In our 18 months of long distance relationship we've never had a single fight. With each passing day our bond was becoming ever more stronger.

I've never missed someone the way I miss Angel, filling the void with dreams of the two of us together. Thinking about all the beautiful places we'll visit, all the great things that we'll do together. These thoughts alone make me happy and content.

I don't care if nobody really gives a damn about me here in the army. I don't care how long I will have to endure this military-slavery, as long as there is one person in this world, one special person who cares about me more than this whole world altogether could ever care. I will devote my whole life to making this person happy, for there is no better happiness than the way she makes me feel everyday.

16 more days... and I will prove to her beyond all doubt that our dreams can become reality.

And the answer is...

3rd August, 2004

No. Apparently it was not my last AV patrol. We arrived at Hebron's bridge. The bridge connecting Hebron and Halhoul had a pillbox (watchtowers here are called "pillbox") in the middle, overlooking the bridge. It was constructed after several violent incidents, one of which involved throwing a washing machine on Israeli cars down the bridge. Between the two cities, below the "north-south" bridge there's a "west-east" road connecting Israeli cities of Kiryat Gat with Jerusalem, and Kiryat-Arba (a very big settlement near Hebron). There is also a Palestinian Coca-Cola factory near the pillbox.

Matan stopped a car near the factory and waited for something. I had to stand outside the AV and guard him for about an hour and a half. After an hour, he lost his patience and we left the car keys and the IDs of those who were in the car at the pillbox. Police borber guard soldiers came a while later and arrested the men as the vehicle was identified as stolen.

















Later on we did a checkpost on the bridge. Palestinian photographers came and took pictures of us checking cars. It looked as if they were waiting (if not begging) for us to do something illegal, show some form of brutality.

















The next vehicle was a bus full of Palestinians. Matan asked me to accompany him. The moment we went up the bus, the photographers started acting like paparazzi, pushing their cameras through the windows, taking dozens of pictures. After checking the bus, I asked one of the photographers what paper these pictures were for. He said he's independent and these pictures go to all the papers - Ma'ariv, Yediot, Haaretz, etc. The next day I checked the papers out of curiosity - what could they possibly write about us? There was no article. It didn't really surprise me.

4th August, 2004

Tonight we set an ambush beneath Telem, sitting quietly and hidden, ready for any possible attack. But it's nothing special really. It seems like a waste of time - no Palestinian militants ever walked there, no warnings of planned attacks were reported. Maybe it's just a way to use soldiers at maximum - let them guard night and day and rest a minimum of 4-6 hours, it's not like they can do much about it...

Ari is my sergeant or how should I call it... a sub-officer? Some commanders become sub-officers after serving a certain period of time in the army. Ari was the commander of my team and when Matan joined the battery he became my commander instead and Ari became a sub-officer. Anyway, Ari told me that the battery plans to give me a permission to fly to Germany at around 16th September just as I asked! =)

Angel's mom has ordered tickets to Croatia for 21st August until 4th of September. I won't be able to talk to Angel in that period of time and it might make things a bit difficult. It becomes more and more difficult with time as nothing is certain. When can she meet me? When exactly does the army let me fly abroad? Are there tickets available for those specific dates? What about Angel's school? (She's a year and a half younger than me)

I asked Ari to find out if they can let me fly abroad a little after Angel's arrival from Croatia. The first day of her school year is 16th September. I hope that her mother will let her skip school for 5 days (the period of time that I'll be with her, not including the weekend)
I can't wait to meet her and be with her for a week! It's going to be so great!!!

Everyone thinks I'm crazy, having a girlfriend from Germany whom I've never even met, flying abroad just to be with her for a week. A friend of mine joked about it: It's probably a 40 year old male named Jurgen who likes to rape little children. =)

5th August, 2004

This is the last day before we go home. I had an AV patrol and in the evening most of the battery (except the guys who're at home and those who guard) gathered at the house in Adora and we had a little celebration: Music, barbecue and soft drinks.

Violence is entertainment

1st August, 2004

Today's AV patrol involved another checkpost. Our lieutenant and his jeep's crew were with us. This time the checkpost was done on a narrow Palestinian road. It seemed more reasonable if you think about it: there were less cars on the road, the checkpost was in a hidden spot so that cars wouldn't be able to turn back and escape. It is more likely that illegal activities would happen on narrow roads.

Later on we drove to Beit Kahil' accompanied by Lieutenant's jeep. Somebody reported shots coming from Beit Kahil', a clash between two Palestinian clans. Matan the commander, Oleg the driver and Oren reacted to the event with great excitement. Matan rushed outside to put all the windows' protective, "anti-stone" nets. "Quick, put on your caskets! Yalla Oleg - let's get there as fast as possible!"

Many soldiers are too bored by the everlasting routine of constant guarding, patrolling and document checking. They want some action for a change. I don't know how it's like in other units, but real action rarely happens around us. So whenever there's a chance to shoot at Palestinians or throw some shock/gas grenades or simply witness some action or perhaps provoke some, many soldiers are more than delighted to seize this opportunity and experience something interesting that they could later tell their friends about.
I'm sure the same goes for many Palestinians as well, mostly the younger ones.

I personally prefer the boring routine. Better yawn and guard for nothing, rather than see people get shot or beaten up, or having myself and my friends put in danger. You guard in order to protect your country, not for self entertainment of any kind.

The clash was none of our business, but Matan insisted on going to the scene and asked for a permission from Yair, the lieutenant. Since we were just a short drive ahead of Beit Kahil, and Yair was close enough to join us, he authorized it.

It was the western end of the village. A crowd of Palestinians was coming back from what seemed to be the location of the clash. Whatever had happened there, it was already over.
Everyone kept looking at us. We were leaving the village now.

















Kids surrounded the vehicle. I saw a kid picking up a stone from the ground. A moment later he threw it at us. Another one followed shortly after. Matan requested permission to leave the vehicle and start shooting. Yair declined. He said that only if more people start throwing rocks at us, we are authorized to act. Few more rocks followed, apparently not enough. We didn't react.

Oleg is a very annoying guy. He is still a freshman, but he thinks that he can do whatever he wants. He smokes inside the vehicle, drives too fast, he disobeys Matan's orders. When Matan forbid him to smoke inside the vehicle, he decided to take revenge. When our shift was over and we were supposed to go back and switch, he decided that it's time to smoke a cigarette. "I can't smoke inside the vehicle, so I'm gonna smoke now and when I finish - I'll drive." He did his best to smoke it as slowly as possible, smiling at us and hoping we've learned our lesson - not to mess with him. To add to that, he decided to drive 20-30kmh back to Adora. It took us half an hour to get there. What an asshole! That was my last AV patrol for a while. I'm glad I won't hear him swearing in Russian again.

The city and the people of Hebron

29th July, 2004

I called Angel and she seemed okay. She told me about yesterday. Her friend Anna and Anna's mother had a fight, and Anna told her she was going to runaway from home, but eventually she didn't. Instead, she and her have mother reconciled. Why is Angel so sensitive about her friends? She worries and cries at somebody else's problems and she really had me worried last night. I always worry that something bad might happen to her while I'm away, that I wouldn't be able to prevent it. Thank God everything's fine.

I plan to fly to Germany in August, when we get a "regila" (a week-long vacation). Only during a regila I can fly abroad, according to the military laws. But now Angel had told me that her mother, who refused to let her daughter fly to Israel to meet me, plans to go to Italy with Angel and her brother.

My mom gave me the phone number of that high ranking officer she was telling me about. That officer told her that according to military laws, I have the right to fly abroad during a regila. But officers from my battalion say that since it's a combat unit, the rules are more strict when it comes to vacations.

I called the officer and he told me I should fill in a paper - a request to fly abroad, and I should send him a copy so he'd hasten things. My unit should notify me a few weeks in advance so I could order tickets for certain dates (hopefully there will be tickets available). It all seems so unlikely to succeed, but I'm gonna try my best to see her. I always tell her that nothing is unachievable. Distance is not an obstacle, not in our modern world.

I moved to Adora again today, with Yoav and Or. Or asked me to switch places with him so he could patrol with Yoav in the settlement and visit that girl's house, and I would have an AV (armored vehicle) patrol on a hummer. I've gladly accepted his offer, knowing that AV patrol is considered better and far more interesting, although it's 8 hours, while the foot patrol is only 4. Of course after 8 hours of patrol you get the 8 hours of rest in return... theoretically speaking.

Bedouins near Adora reported to us about vehicles with armed Palestinians coming to their village. Our officers want to ambush them, but since I switched with Or, I won't take part in it.
Gunshots are heard daily from Hidna and Tarkumiya.
The ambush was eventually canceled.

30th July, 2004

After 2 1/2 hours of sleep I woke up for a long 9 1/2 hour patrol. It was very tiresome. We entered Hebron and it's neighboring village of Beit-Kachil. We were accompanied by our lieutenant's jeep. That's the rule - you cannot enter Hebron with only one vehicle, due to safety and operational reasons.

Everyone in the streets was staring at us. It was as if the time had stopped. People stopped walking or buying goods at shops. Instead they looked at our vehicles with clear hostility. Some people ran away, some signaled us to go away, others were looking at us from house entrances.
We obviously were an unwanted guest in a hostile environment.

Hebron provided a wide variety of buildings. There were old brick houses, unfinished deserted villas and rich, beautifully constructed.. mansions! (well, not quite mansions, but houses with at least 10-15 rooms) People on the streets were as varied as their homes - poor, moderate and rich - or at least they were dressed like that. Garbage was everywhere on the streets. The northern entrance to the city of Hebron welcomed its visitors with large commercial ads, beautiful buildings both of western-style and far eastern-style. The clean road with grass and palms in the middle gave the city an honorable look.

What was the purpose of the patrol? Why did we have to announce our presence to the citizens of Hebron? What good does it do? I know it's fun and exciting to drive in the streets of Hebron and see things you would never see as an ordinary Israeli citizen, but what does it have to do with defending my country? The commanders call it "demonstrating attendance" (or whatever you'd translate it...) It means that we have to show them that we're here, there and everywhere so that they will think twice before committing a hostile act.

I do not think that those who commit those acts are driven by fear and would change their minds when they see soldiers on their streets. If anything, it would make them be more cautious and more motivated to carry out their plans.

* * * * *

After the patrol, we had to clean the house. In Adora, we have a big villa with 7-8 rooms and 3 floors. Since we didn't clean it on time, we had to do it again by 5pm. At 5:30 I went to bed to finally get some sleep before the patrol at 7pm. But no, I didn't get no sleep because at 5:40 there was a drill: A terrorist had infiltrated the settlement. We'd been running for 20 minutes all around the settlement in this incredible heat. After that, I had just enough time to have a shower and eat dinner.

* * * * *

During the AV patrol, my commander, Matan, asked the Russian driver* to slow down. At night, we circle around the village to see if any part of the fence is cut and the driver has to drive very slowly so we won't miss anything. But he kept saying that it makes him sleepy and that it is taking up too much time. Matan insisted that he drove slowly, so the driver had decided to payback by driving 5km/h on the road as well. It took as half an hour to reach Telem that was only 3km away. He thought that Matan would run out of patience, but he didn't. Man, that was so boring and stupid!

*(AV drivers are not a part of our battery. They usually cause a lot of problems, because they have no commander in charge of them so they feel independent to do whatever they want. ie. If they get 7 hours and 50 minutes of sleep, they refuse to work. Well, not everyone, but most of them are very problematic and give our commanders a real headache.

When we arrived to Telem, we could see several different weddings being celebrated in 2 Palestinian towns. Shots and fireworks were fired. Technically, it's considered illegal for them to possess weapons. IDF (my battery and other forces in the region) wanted to enter the towns and arrest everyone who has weapons on them, but eventually they didn't do it.

Matan told us how once, during one of his AV patrols in a different area (Beit Sira) they had to cross a road where a wedding ceremony was being held - there was a wedding parade of some kind. They tried to cross, but the Palestinians began throwing rocks at them, they stopped the vehicles, threw shock and tear gas grenades at the crowd and fired rubber bullets. The crowd dispersed and the wedding couple, was probably injured as well. Then Matan started laughing at his own story. Damn, how it made me angry!

He also told us how once a Russian AV driver threw a smoke grenade inside a Palestinian store after the store owner yelled at the soldiers. Then the owner picked up a big stone, threw at the driver and missed. The driver chased him down and shot his back with a rubber bullet.
Another story involved the same Russian driver and a Palestinian boy who fainted right after he was shot by the driver with a rubber bullet.

* * * * *

We entered Hebron again. Young boys smiled and waved as we passed by. Older boys stared at us with hatred. Other people gave us an anxious, unwelcoming look.

Fortune for some, misfortune for others

27th July, 2004

In a few minutes we're going on a joint patrol with soldiers from Adora .

A man and a woman came to our house. (The settlement provides soldiers with a small house - that's where we currently live) When I looked at the guests I was surprised to discover that it was that girl from Adora, the one from yesterday. The man was actually her brother.

She talked to Yoav and Udi. She told them that she had changed her plans, that she's coming to Holon (a city near Tel Aviv where Yoav lives) and that she stays in Adora until next week. She asked that one of us (preferably Yoav) accompanied her to Adora. She added that when we're in Adora, we're free to come visit her place. Just before leaving, she came to our room and gave Yoav her phone number. Giggling foolishly, looking silly and talking childishly, she left.

What can I say? Maybe they deserve each other. You're free to do that, just not to the innocent and romantic type of girls, lest hurting them and breaking their hearts. They deserve better!

For some reason, I wish it all wouldn't have happened. Maybe because perverts should learn by all means that girls are not sex objects.

It seemed that her brother knew everything and didn't care much.

Now I recall one more thing that Yoav said yesterday when we left the field: "Does it count if I fuck her in Holon? I mean, will it count as if I fucked a settler?"

28th July, 2004

Today is a bad day for me and Angel. I didn't hear from her for 3 days now. -.-

I SMSed her again and this time I got a reply. She wrote that she e-mailed me everyday, but I didn't receive anything. She said she's not doing fine. When I asked her if I could call her, she said that she doesn't want to talk to anyone. I got really worried...

Later that night she called me and said that she was sorry. When I asked her what happened, she said she'd start crying again if she talked about it. I had to go on a patrol so we hung up. She wrote me earlier, saying that it's okay, that it's something related to a friend of hers.

During the whole patrol I was worried, thinking someone died. The next morning, I kept thinking about it, asking God that all misfortune that befalls Angel would instead happen to me. I don't want her to stop smiling, ever.