Good news and Bad news often come in pairs
21st September, 2004
I woke up at 6 a.m.
Angel's mother fetched me to the train station. I thanked her for hospitality and said goodbye.
I took the train to Nurnberg instead of a direct train to Frankfurt. This is because at 9 a.m. El-Al offices would open and I'd be able to find out about the flight. That way, if it's canceled, I'd spare myself 3-4 hours of drive and some Euros, considering the expensive train fares.
At 9 a.m. El-Al offices said that there most likely won't be any flights to Israel today and that I should call again in 2 hours.
Since I had 2 hours of free time, I decided I'd walk around and explore the city. I had to stop by at the restroom first...
The restroom at Nurnberg's train station is one of the most expensive restrooms I've ever been in. The entrance fee was 1.75 Euros. It's not that much money, but it is, if all you ever wanna do is take a leak! The restroom itself looks very modern in its style, but it's not like there are big screen TVs on the walls, or some strippers dancing on top of the water tanks!
But on a second thought, if you look at the restrooms of Tel Aviv's central bus station and think about the fact that you have to pay a shekel to enter such a filthy, nauseous place, you'll realize that it'd probably take a fortune to make it look decent again and maintain it on a daily basis.
I couldn't go too far from the train station as I'd been carrying my bags with me. Just outside the train station there was a beautiful view of the city. *Sigh* I wish I had a month or two to explore this whole country...
I bought myself some food, visited another Muller's shopping center and purchased some old music CDs which were surprisingly cheap. The time was 11 a.m. I called the office again and this time they've confirmed there won't be any flights to Israel today!!! Oh yes! Another day with Angel! :)
Angel... I wonder how you will react when you see me back... :)
I thought I could reach her apartment before she gets home from school and surprise her. I wrote a note in German: I love you, Angel! I'm BACK! :) I thought maybe I'll stick it to the entrance door (I couldn't enter the building or her apartment since I no longer had the key) and when she reads it, I'll sneak in behind her and hold her tight in my arms!
When I approached the entrance, I decided to ring first to see that she's not home yet. The door suddenly opened, somebody was at home... Nobody asked who I am in the intercom. They just opened the door for me. I started walking up the stairs and as I looked up, I saw Angel on the third floor, looking down at me... How will she react?
I expected nothing more than her joy and happiness, but what I got was the exact opposite of it. She had a disappointed face. To confirm her disappointment I heard her say: "Oh no."
I was shocked! I slowed down my tempo, not certain if I should keep on walking up the stairs.
Doesn't she want to see me? Could it be that she regrets meeting me in the first place? Maybe I should be her, if she doesn't want me to... These thoughts crossed my mind as I was walking up the stairs to meet her.
When I reached the 3rd floor, she explained to me the reasons for her disappointment: She went out of the house to check who's coming when the door to her apartment closed and locked her outside... again! She was barefoot, wearing her home clothes. I was glad at least to know that she was not disappointed to see me. Maybe I'd have reacted the same way, who knows...
Her mother has arrived a while later and opened the door. If there was someone who didn't seem happy to see me, it was her mother. She told me she's checked if there are flights to Israel and it appears that there are! She didn't believe me and thought it was irresponsible of me to stay in Germany with such an excuse. I told her I'm gonna call the offices of El-Al now and prove it to her, but my phone had stopped working for some reason. I felt unwelcome.
A while later, her mother came to me and said that she's checked again and that I was right, there are no flights to Israel. She suggested that I take a train to the airport, stay there and wait for a flight home, because it might take me 4-6 hours just to get to Frankfurt.
My mother suggested me that if I happen to have a trouble and/or need a place to stay, I could take a train to Bonn where my cousin lives.
I told Angel that I can go to Bonn and stay at my cousin's place in case there's a problem of me staying here for a night. Angel asked her mom about it and her mother had extended her hospitality for another day. :)
During the evening, I helped Angel with Math homework. I have to admit, it shocks me every time whenever she tells me about her exam results. I've no doubt that she can do much better. She has a potential to be an excellent student, I know it!
I'd barely spent any time with her this day. She's been doing homework, talking on the phone for hours (while I was next to her, looking at her with sad eyes, wishing she would hang up just so I could kiss her one more time and spend another minute with her in my arms) and watching a TV series with her mother before going to bed. I was alone in her room watching the movie "Sunshine" on DVD. For most of this day I'd been thinking about the huge differences between us.
She is everything to me! I was seriously considering staying here, preferring her over my family and friends. I spent a lot of money just to be with her for a week, bought her a lot of presents just to see her smiling at me. She matters to me more than anything! I feel like no one really cares about me and my feelings but her. Is that really so? Does she really care? Are our feelings as mutual as I believed them to be?
I should contain my disappointment and enjoy the last hours of my stay. I'm not willing to give up. I spent a year and a half dreaming about an ideal relationship and I love her way too much to let her go. Do we love each other equally? I seriously doubt it. All I've left is to hope that what she said is true - that deep down inside she has feelings that she doesn't show to people, and that one of those feelings... is a strong love towards me.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The time is running out
20th September, 2004
Today is our last day together before I leave tomorrow early in the morning, therefore I want to be with her as much as possible once she comes home from school.
There's only one day left for me to decide whether I come back to Israel or stay with her and start a new life.
I prayed to God, telling him I'm not ready for goodbyes yet, asking him for a sign to decide if I should stay or leave.
2 p.m. - She's not home yet.
2:30 p.m. - She's still out. Where is she?!
The phone rings. I don't answer it.
2:45 p.m. - I keep looking out the window, watching every bus come and leave, but she's not on any of them. I bang my head on the window out of despair. Where are you, Angel?!
3 p.m. - How long must I wait?
I tried calling her phone but then I remembered that her mom took it away from her. Argh!
I called her mom. She said she called earlier to tell me that Angel's coming late today, that she's about to come any minute now.
Angel arrived home at 3:30 p.m. It didn't look to me that the thought of me waiting for her for hours and going out of my mind had crossed her mind today.
She walked to the kitchen to get something to drink. I followed her and asked her where she's been. She said she spent time with Jenny at McDonald's. They ate dinner together and spent some time chatting.
"But why?! I don't understand it! Honey, it's our last day together! I know you haven't seen your friends in as often as you usually do, but after I'm gone you could see them for as much as you like. You won't be able to see me for a long time, though!" For the first time in our conversations I raised my tone.
I was disappointed and very upset, and the thing that made me even more upset was her silence. She just didn't say anything in reply.
I wondered what she was thinking about at the moment, and how she'd felt about the whole thing, but her feelings are rarely revealed to people.
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm a bit upset. I was waiting here for you for a couple of hours, hoping we could spent time together. I don't want to fight or make you upset. Let's just forget it and enjoy the little time that we have left."
As I held her in my arms, she finally broke her silence and spoke: "I'm sorry. I just never talk about my feelings. I have a lot of feelings, but I never show them. I don't know why."
It's okay. She loves me and cares about me. It's just that she has difficulties showing it. But even if I know deep inside that she loves me, I can't let it be like this. She needs to show me love, to express it in some way apart from writing it in chat conversations, SMS messages or e-mails. When we used to speak on the phone, she'd sometimes say it as well, but it's not the same thing as saying it face to face! At least show it by kissing me first, by running into my arms or even by smiling romantically.
I keep wondering whether it's because she's never had a boyfriend before..
20th September, 2004
Today is our last day together before I leave tomorrow early in the morning, therefore I want to be with her as much as possible once she comes home from school.
There's only one day left for me to decide whether I come back to Israel or stay with her and start a new life.
I prayed to God, telling him I'm not ready for goodbyes yet, asking him for a sign to decide if I should stay or leave.
2 p.m. - She's not home yet.
2:30 p.m. - She's still out. Where is she?!
The phone rings. I don't answer it.
2:45 p.m. - I keep looking out the window, watching every bus come and leave, but she's not on any of them. I bang my head on the window out of despair. Where are you, Angel?!
3 p.m. - How long must I wait?
I tried calling her phone but then I remembered that her mom took it away from her. Argh!
I called her mom. She said she called earlier to tell me that Angel's coming late today, that she's about to come any minute now.
Angel arrived home at 3:30 p.m. It didn't look to me that the thought of me waiting for her for hours and going out of my mind had crossed her mind today.
She walked to the kitchen to get something to drink. I followed her and asked her where she's been. She said she spent time with Jenny at McDonald's. They ate dinner together and spent some time chatting.
"But why?! I don't understand it! Honey, it's our last day together! I know you haven't seen your friends in as often as you usually do, but after I'm gone you could see them for as much as you like. You won't be able to see me for a long time, though!" For the first time in our conversations I raised my tone.
I was disappointed and very upset, and the thing that made me even more upset was her silence. She just didn't say anything in reply.
I wondered what she was thinking about at the moment, and how she'd felt about the whole thing, but her feelings are rarely revealed to people.
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm a bit upset. I was waiting here for you for a couple of hours, hoping we could spent time together. I don't want to fight or make you upset. Let's just forget it and enjoy the little time that we have left."
As I held her in my arms, she finally broke her silence and spoke: "I'm sorry. I just never talk about my feelings. I have a lot of feelings, but I never show them. I don't know why."
It's okay. She loves me and cares about me. It's just that she has difficulties showing it. But even if I know deep inside that she loves me, I can't let it be like this. She needs to show me love, to express it in some way apart from writing it in chat conversations, SMS messages or e-mails. When we used to speak on the phone, she'd sometimes say it as well, but it's not the same thing as saying it face to face! At least show it by kissing me first, by running into my arms or even by smiling romantically.
I keep wondering whether it's because she's never had a boyfriend before..
* * * * *
Her mother has invited me and Angel to an Italian restaurant. It was her goodbye present for me. I received a call from my mom on the way to the restaurant...
"I've got good news for you!" "Really? What news?" "There's a general strike and the airport is taking a part in this. There might be no landing flights as well as departing ones tomorrow."
I was shocked! If it's really so then it's a miracle! It's a sign from God which means that I should... stay?!
All the way to the restaurant I was thinking about the possibility of staying here. It seemed so surreal to me, yet so refreshing and wonderful. My mom is concerned about me, she obviously doesn't want me to do that. I don't think I can do it anyway.
We all ate Pizza at the restaurant. Some friends of theirs have joined our table. They spoke German most of the time so I didn't understand anything. But sometimes they'd say a word in English and I'd say something like: "Aha! Now I know what you were talking about!" :)
When we were back home, we watched a movie together called "Very Bad Things", then we both went to bed. Her mother decided we should sleep separately, even though we are to wake up at the same time in the morning. Maybe she's afraid I'd do something crazy and stupid on our last night together and then I'd runaway to Israel and no one will find me there... I don't know.
Anyway, I'm going to take the train back to the airport tomorrow morning, just in case. At the same time I'll try to reach the agency by phone and find out if my flight's been delayed.
"I've got good news for you!" "Really? What news?" "There's a general strike and the airport is taking a part in this. There might be no landing flights as well as departing ones tomorrow."
I was shocked! If it's really so then it's a miracle! It's a sign from God which means that I should... stay?!
All the way to the restaurant I was thinking about the possibility of staying here. It seemed so surreal to me, yet so refreshing and wonderful. My mom is concerned about me, she obviously doesn't want me to do that. I don't think I can do it anyway.
We all ate Pizza at the restaurant. Some friends of theirs have joined our table. They spoke German most of the time so I didn't understand anything. But sometimes they'd say a word in English and I'd say something like: "Aha! Now I know what you were talking about!" :)
When we were back home, we watched a movie together called "Very Bad Things", then we both went to bed. Her mother decided we should sleep separately, even though we are to wake up at the same time in the morning. Maybe she's afraid I'd do something crazy and stupid on our last night together and then I'd runaway to Israel and no one will find me there... I don't know.
Anyway, I'm going to take the train back to the airport tomorrow morning, just in case. At the same time I'll try to reach the agency by phone and find out if my flight's been delayed.
Friday, May 18, 2007
The choices of a free man
19th September, 2004
As the morning came, I had a phone call which woke Angel up. I'd hoped she'd sleep well tonight so we could be awake the next night despite next day's school (tomorrow is our last day together), but she woke up when the phone rang.
It was my mom. She said the flight at 21st became available and I should call El-Al in Frankfurt in order to postpone the flight by one day. The problem is today's Sunday. I tried calling the agency, but all I got was an answering machine that gave me the emergency number in Israel. I called my mom and gave her that number and she's managed to change the flight date! :) YAY!!! One more day with my Angel!!!
We took a bus to the northern part of Regensburg where all the hi-tech buildings were located. There was a big quiet park in the center so that workers could relax during their lunch break. There are a few restaurants, a place to play bowling and billiard and a place to sit around the pond, watch the ducks swim quietly and enjoy the wonderful weather. :)
At first we had a sit at a Chinese restaurant, just to drink something light and eat breakfast. I decided to order the fruit combination. Although it only cost me 5 euros, all they brought me was a few slices of apple, a tiny piece of kiwi, 2 leechies, 2 orange slices, two melon pieces and a few grapes.
After the interesting meal we played some billiard, bowling and that magnetic hockey or whatever it's called. We had a lot of fun! :) After a while, we became hungry and went to a restaurant just around the corner, below a big Amazon.de building. It was a Mexican restaurant. We ordered something called Faujitas - they give you a salad, small slices of chicken and sauce. You wrap it all in a pancake and enjoy the delicious taste. I loved it!
It was time for us to go back. As we headed towards the bus station the rain poured out on us. We had no place to hide from the rain so all we could do was run towards the bus station. We held hands and ran in the rain. It was fun!!
Angel told me her mom was preparing a meal for dinner and that we should eat it despite having filled our bellies in a restaurant just half an hour ago. She didn't want to disappoint her. It was fine, anyway. By the time the meal was ready, we weren't that full anymore.
We spent the last couple of hours in bed, watching the movie 15 Minutes. Another movie that I liked and wanted to show her. Hehe. We were so tired... She has school tomorrow so she wished me a good night and went to her mother's room. We didn't kiss or hug much today. :(
It's probably going to be so depressing on the last day, considering the fact that I'm unprepared to go back. No, not yet! Everything is so wonderful here!
The same night I had nightmares of going back to the army. It's horrible! How can I go back after visiting paradise? I want it to last forever!
Who knows? If I go back I may not see Angel for a long time or even at all! I'm afraid to let it go... I'm gonna go back to the army to be a nobody again? To suffer and witness other people's suffering for another 2 years? Why?! Why is there no alternative for me? I'm 19 and I'm supposed to be a free man and make my own decisions in life! I have the right to start a new life right this moment. I don't feel like I belong to Israel in terms of culture and mentality. Many Israelis and Palestinians are stubborn - they're willing to kill each other and risk the lives of their friends for a small piece of land instead of working out a peaceful solution for the sake of the future generations. There are so many ignorant and hateful people who see things in black and white. Some wish to destroy Israel, others wish to wipe off all Arabs. I have to waste 3 years of my life just because there are some people who hate each other and can't live peacefully together?!
There's a famous writing that I've encountered in several IDF bases:
1 life
2 short
3 years
4 what?
If I don't go back to Israel now, I won't be able to visit it anymore. If I go back, say, after a few years, they'll put me in jail right away. Can I really leave my family, my friends and do something that crazy? No, I'm afraid I can't. If I have to choose between losing Angel forever or not seeing my family and friends for many years, I'd choose Angel. But I'm not losing her forever. I'll see her again. If I don't, I can always runaway.
19th September, 2004
As the morning came, I had a phone call which woke Angel up. I'd hoped she'd sleep well tonight so we could be awake the next night despite next day's school (tomorrow is our last day together), but she woke up when the phone rang.
It was my mom. She said the flight at 21st became available and I should call El-Al in Frankfurt in order to postpone the flight by one day. The problem is today's Sunday. I tried calling the agency, but all I got was an answering machine that gave me the emergency number in Israel. I called my mom and gave her that number and she's managed to change the flight date! :) YAY!!! One more day with my Angel!!!
We took a bus to the northern part of Regensburg where all the hi-tech buildings were located. There was a big quiet park in the center so that workers could relax during their lunch break. There are a few restaurants, a place to play bowling and billiard and a place to sit around the pond, watch the ducks swim quietly and enjoy the wonderful weather. :)
At first we had a sit at a Chinese restaurant, just to drink something light and eat breakfast. I decided to order the fruit combination. Although it only cost me 5 euros, all they brought me was a few slices of apple, a tiny piece of kiwi, 2 leechies, 2 orange slices, two melon pieces and a few grapes.
After the interesting meal we played some billiard, bowling and that magnetic hockey or whatever it's called. We had a lot of fun! :) After a while, we became hungry and went to a restaurant just around the corner, below a big Amazon.de building. It was a Mexican restaurant. We ordered something called Faujitas - they give you a salad, small slices of chicken and sauce. You wrap it all in a pancake and enjoy the delicious taste. I loved it!
It was time for us to go back. As we headed towards the bus station the rain poured out on us. We had no place to hide from the rain so all we could do was run towards the bus station. We held hands and ran in the rain. It was fun!!
Angel told me her mom was preparing a meal for dinner and that we should eat it despite having filled our bellies in a restaurant just half an hour ago. She didn't want to disappoint her. It was fine, anyway. By the time the meal was ready, we weren't that full anymore.
We spent the last couple of hours in bed, watching the movie 15 Minutes. Another movie that I liked and wanted to show her. Hehe. We were so tired... She has school tomorrow so she wished me a good night and went to her mother's room. We didn't kiss or hug much today. :(
It's probably going to be so depressing on the last day, considering the fact that I'm unprepared to go back. No, not yet! Everything is so wonderful here!
The same night I had nightmares of going back to the army. It's horrible! How can I go back after visiting paradise? I want it to last forever!
Who knows? If I go back I may not see Angel for a long time or even at all! I'm afraid to let it go... I'm gonna go back to the army to be a nobody again? To suffer and witness other people's suffering for another 2 years? Why?! Why is there no alternative for me? I'm 19 and I'm supposed to be a free man and make my own decisions in life! I have the right to start a new life right this moment. I don't feel like I belong to Israel in terms of culture and mentality. Many Israelis and Palestinians are stubborn - they're willing to kill each other and risk the lives of their friends for a small piece of land instead of working out a peaceful solution for the sake of the future generations. There are so many ignorant and hateful people who see things in black and white. Some wish to destroy Israel, others wish to wipe off all Arabs. I have to waste 3 years of my life just because there are some people who hate each other and can't live peacefully together?!
There's a famous writing that I've encountered in several IDF bases:
1 life
2 short
3 years
4 what?
If I don't go back to Israel now, I won't be able to visit it anymore. If I go back, say, after a few years, they'll put me in jail right away. Can I really leave my family, my friends and do something that crazy? No, I'm afraid I can't. If I have to choose between losing Angel forever or not seeing my family and friends for many years, I'd choose Angel. But I'm not losing her forever. I'll see her again. If I don't, I can always runaway.
Friday, May 11, 2007
In my arms for 24 hours a day
18th September, 2004
I had a delicious breakfast in the morning, it was bread with pork.
We took a bus north to meet other 2 friends of Angel - Sarah and Vanessa. We entered a shopping center and found the cafe where they were waiting for us. The view outside the window was amazing. Sarah was talking non-stop, making everyone laugh. Except for me because I didn't understand a word she was saying. But nevertheless, I enjoyed their company and Angel's constant smiling and laughing triggered by Sarah's endless jokes. Oh Angel, you have such a wonderful smile. One of a kind!
After waiting for 10-15 minutes until the waitress noticed us, she gave us the check and I paid for everyone. Sarah said something funny in German which had the word "Israel" in it. I asked them to translate it for me. Turns out she said the following: "Wow. I wish I had an Israeli boyfriend as well." Ha-ha, thanks for the compliment. :) If my behavior is gonna make people think better of my country then by all means I'll try to behave as civilized and polite as it is ever possible. It really matters to me what people think of my country and my nation, therefore it is very important that my country does its best to look good in the eyes of the world with justice and equality being its primary concerns.
Anyway, we parted with them and took a bus home. As we reached her flat, Angel realized she'd forgotten the key at home. We tried ringing the bell, but no one was home and so we were locked outside...
We were sitting on the bench outside her house for a while, then we took a walk around the neighborhood and stopped at a small, Italian restaurant where we both ordered spaghetti in sauce (with slices of pork). It was delicious. Angel was full before even finishing half of her dish. :)
When she went to the restroom, I suddenly felt so alone. It was the giant difference between her absence and her magical presence. A minute without her was enough to make me realize how much I need her in my life and how much I'm afraid to lose her. I love her so much! I know I can't live without her!!
We came back home, but no one was there so we decided to go to town.
I bought Angel and my mom a beautiful necklace. I wanted to taste all kinds of berries that aren't available in Israel, and while picking the fruits I saw some fruits with a sign: "Imported from Israel". We bought some black and red currant. I can't remember when was the last time I've eaten currant. :)
After a while we bought ourselves ice cream, walked some more around town and then took a bus home.
It was getting dark, but no one was home yet. We decided to sit on the bench for some more. We joked around, did all kinds of silly things, messed with the camera, chased each other around the backyard, lied down on the wet grass, kissing. The camera's batteries were getting low so we went to a nearby store to buy some. It was getting late so Angel decided to call her mom. Her mom told her that both her brother and herself were staying overnight at friends!!! We'd have waited all night! Oh man, we'd have had the whole day and night to ourselves if only we had the key... But who knew?
Her mother's plans have changed. She had to come home and open the door for us, so she brought her sister and her daughter along. They stayed overnight with us.
We went to the bedroom and watched "Big". It's a good classic. But halfway through the movie we were falling asleep as we were terribly tired from the long day.
Even though I was extremely tired, I wanted to lay awake for a while and enjoy being in bed next to her for the 2nd and last night of the weekend. She rejected the idea and wanted to sleep. Somehow I felt hurt to be rejected that way. I told her that, but no reaction followed. That hurt me even more. I'm sure it wasn't her intention, but it felt like: "I don't give a damn if you're hurt or not" :( We woke up with our backs turned on each other, even though I was holding her a little while we were falling asleep. If we've never had a fight until now, this incident was the closest thing to it.
If you fight once, you're most likely to fight again. I don't want it to happen. I want to put my best efforts to making this relationship work as flawlessly as possible. It'll work out... It just has to!
18th September, 2004
I had a delicious breakfast in the morning, it was bread with pork.
We took a bus north to meet other 2 friends of Angel - Sarah and Vanessa. We entered a shopping center and found the cafe where they were waiting for us. The view outside the window was amazing. Sarah was talking non-stop, making everyone laugh. Except for me because I didn't understand a word she was saying. But nevertheless, I enjoyed their company and Angel's constant smiling and laughing triggered by Sarah's endless jokes. Oh Angel, you have such a wonderful smile. One of a kind!
After waiting for 10-15 minutes until the waitress noticed us, she gave us the check and I paid for everyone. Sarah said something funny in German which had the word "Israel" in it. I asked them to translate it for me. Turns out she said the following: "Wow. I wish I had an Israeli boyfriend as well." Ha-ha, thanks for the compliment. :) If my behavior is gonna make people think better of my country then by all means I'll try to behave as civilized and polite as it is ever possible. It really matters to me what people think of my country and my nation, therefore it is very important that my country does its best to look good in the eyes of the world with justice and equality being its primary concerns.
Anyway, we parted with them and took a bus home. As we reached her flat, Angel realized she'd forgotten the key at home. We tried ringing the bell, but no one was home and so we were locked outside...
We were sitting on the bench outside her house for a while, then we took a walk around the neighborhood and stopped at a small, Italian restaurant where we both ordered spaghetti in sauce (with slices of pork). It was delicious. Angel was full before even finishing half of her dish. :)
When she went to the restroom, I suddenly felt so alone. It was the giant difference between her absence and her magical presence. A minute without her was enough to make me realize how much I need her in my life and how much I'm afraid to lose her. I love her so much! I know I can't live without her!!
We came back home, but no one was there so we decided to go to town.
I bought Angel and my mom a beautiful necklace. I wanted to taste all kinds of berries that aren't available in Israel, and while picking the fruits I saw some fruits with a sign: "Imported from Israel". We bought some black and red currant. I can't remember when was the last time I've eaten currant. :)
After a while we bought ourselves ice cream, walked some more around town and then took a bus home.
It was getting dark, but no one was home yet. We decided to sit on the bench for some more. We joked around, did all kinds of silly things, messed with the camera, chased each other around the backyard, lied down on the wet grass, kissing. The camera's batteries were getting low so we went to a nearby store to buy some. It was getting late so Angel decided to call her mom. Her mom told her that both her brother and herself were staying overnight at friends!!! We'd have waited all night! Oh man, we'd have had the whole day and night to ourselves if only we had the key... But who knew?
Her mother's plans have changed. She had to come home and open the door for us, so she brought her sister and her daughter along. They stayed overnight with us.
We went to the bedroom and watched "Big". It's a good classic. But halfway through the movie we were falling asleep as we were terribly tired from the long day.
Even though I was extremely tired, I wanted to lay awake for a while and enjoy being in bed next to her for the 2nd and last night of the weekend. She rejected the idea and wanted to sleep. Somehow I felt hurt to be rejected that way. I told her that, but no reaction followed. That hurt me even more. I'm sure it wasn't her intention, but it felt like: "I don't give a damn if you're hurt or not" :( We woke up with our backs turned on each other, even though I was holding her a little while we were falling asleep. If we've never had a fight until now, this incident was the closest thing to it.
If you fight once, you're most likely to fight again. I don't want it to happen. I want to put my best efforts to making this relationship work as flawlessly as possible. It'll work out... It just has to!
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
An ordinary day of my dreams
17th September, 2004
I walked to the town center again this morning. This time I bought some souvenirs for my family, some more DVDs, cheap music CDs and an audio cable to connect the stereo system to the DVD so that she'll have a 4 speaker surround sound in her bedroom.
I came back at around 1:45pm. I was surprised to find out that her mom was home. While Angel was on her way back from school, her mother approached me with a few questions. She asked me straightforward whether I have a girlfriend in Israel. I was a bit shocked with the sudden question. It's hard or maybe even impossible to prove something like that. It's pretty easy to cheat while having a long-distance relationship, but whether people believe me or not, I'm proud to say that I wouldn't dare to do something like that, not in a thousand years, not to my Angel.
I can only imagine how terrible it must be if someone cheats on you while you're innocently waiting hundreds of miles away, not suspecting a thing.
Angel came home and her mother went out to town. We had some time for ourselves there, until her mother came back home... in the most unexpected moment. (I'll leave that to your imagination) But we were in her bedroom and were quick enough to prevent any possible embarrassment.
We watched the movie "Troy" in bed. After the movie was over, Angel's mother took us to a Chinese restaurant at the other side of town. We had a wonderful dinner. The food was very good, even though Angel had barely touched it. She never eats much.
We had to take a bus to get back home. Every bus station has a digital board indicating the time left for the bus' arrival. These buses don't wait for people. Sometimes you see people running to the station to get on the bus, but the driver doesn't wait for anyone. Well, at least that way they always seem to be on schedule.
As we arrived home, we spent the night together, kissing and holding each other, trying to slow down the time, enjoying every minute in each other's company and then falling asleep in each other's arms. Bless the weekend! :)
I forgot to mention - I gave her the ring today. She was really happy that moment, although it didn't really fit her fingers. But she put some other ring on top of it in order to hold it in place.
17th September, 2004
I walked to the town center again this morning. This time I bought some souvenirs for my family, some more DVDs, cheap music CDs and an audio cable to connect the stereo system to the DVD so that she'll have a 4 speaker surround sound in her bedroom.
I came back at around 1:45pm. I was surprised to find out that her mom was home. While Angel was on her way back from school, her mother approached me with a few questions. She asked me straightforward whether I have a girlfriend in Israel. I was a bit shocked with the sudden question. It's hard or maybe even impossible to prove something like that. It's pretty easy to cheat while having a long-distance relationship, but whether people believe me or not, I'm proud to say that I wouldn't dare to do something like that, not in a thousand years, not to my Angel.
I can only imagine how terrible it must be if someone cheats on you while you're innocently waiting hundreds of miles away, not suspecting a thing.
Angel came home and her mother went out to town. We had some time for ourselves there, until her mother came back home... in the most unexpected moment. (I'll leave that to your imagination) But we were in her bedroom and were quick enough to prevent any possible embarrassment.
We watched the movie "Troy" in bed. After the movie was over, Angel's mother took us to a Chinese restaurant at the other side of town. We had a wonderful dinner. The food was very good, even though Angel had barely touched it. She never eats much.
We had to take a bus to get back home. Every bus station has a digital board indicating the time left for the bus' arrival. These buses don't wait for people. Sometimes you see people running to the station to get on the bus, but the driver doesn't wait for anyone. Well, at least that way they always seem to be on schedule.
As we arrived home, we spent the night together, kissing and holding each other, trying to slow down the time, enjoying every minute in each other's company and then falling asleep in each other's arms. Bless the weekend! :)
I forgot to mention - I gave her the ring today. She was really happy that moment, although it didn't really fit her fingers. But she put some other ring on top of it in order to hold it in place.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
The value of life when love's present
16th September, 2004
I took a walk to the town center this morning. The weather was great - cloudy and sunny with a light cold breeze. Everything seemed so clean - the sidewalk, the cars, the houses. Even the air was fresh without any smell of gas. In short, walking the streets of Regensburg was really enjoyable. :)
I was mostly looking for a flower shop and a jewelry shop. I wanted to buy her a (relatively) expensive ring as a symbol of my strong love to her. There's a wedding ring, there's an engagement ring... well this one would be a... pre-engagement ring. A virtual-engagement if you like.
Although I found some nice and beautiful rings, I didn't know which ones would fit her fingers. In the end, I decided to take the risk and buy one, which was in my opinion the most beautiful (in the right price range). It was 8 carat gold for a decent price. I would never buy my precious Angel anything cheap!
After buying the ring I headed back home. I wanted to get back in time and get there before she does. On my way home, I entered a flower shop and bought her a bouquet of 10 flowers which I manually chose. The saleswoman didn't talk English, none of the salesmen which I've encountered in the last 2 days spoke English. But it's okay. I've managed. :)
German schoolkids were coming back home. I have to admit, many German schoolgirls are very pretty! But I don't care about it. :) I have my own pretty German schoolgirl, Hehe!
Even if she weren't pretty, I still wouldn't consider finding someone else. =)
I was getting late. She was going to get home soon. I decided to take a shortcut and walk the parallel street, even though I didn't really know where I was going. No matter how far I've walked, I haven't seen her flat anywhere. It was already 1:45pm and with every passing minute I was becoming more and more nervous.
I wanted to get home before she did so I would change clothes into something more elegant and romantic, hide the ring and make her a pleasant, after-school surprise! :)
At last, I reached her street and found her flat. Apparently, I was going the right way. I just forgot how far away from the town center her home is.
I went up the stairs and entered her apartment. Phew! She wasn't home yet. :)
I quickly changed clothes, hid the ring and waited until she came home. I could see the bus station out the window. It had only been a matter of a minutes before I saw her walking out of a bus, walking home... I kept wondering whether she's anxious to see me, every day impatiently waiting for the school-day to end? I know I would've. :)
She walked upstairs, opened the door and... SURPRISE! I greeted her with a bouquet of flowers and a big, warm hug. "Welcome home, honey!"
It took her a short moment to react. She thanked me for the warm welcome and told me about having a bad day in school. It didn't matter to her anymore as she was now happy.
She then changed her clothes and put on a sexy, red dress. We've kissed and embraced each other with wonderful, relaxing music playing in the background.
After an hour she wanted us to go to the newly opened Burger King restaurant to meet her 3 best friends, Shelly, Jenny and Clara. It was really fun! They talked in German most of the time, and I didn't talk much at all. Clara was talking so fast, telling jokes and making everyone laugh. She'd translate them for me sometimes. I liked her friends, they're very nice people. :)
Angel and I took a walk beside the river. We took a sit on a bench and had a wonderful view of boats and buildings, the quiet river and a flock of birds flying around. It was extremely beautiful, but it was twice as beautiful thanks to her presence! =)
We visited a big shopping center called Muller and bought ourselves 3 DVDs to watch in the evenings. It was "The Frighteners" "Big" and... "Braveheart". I don't know if she likes such movies, but since it's one of my favorites, I decided to take a shot.
The shop closed and we had to leave. We took a walk to a park east of the town center. We just sat there for a long while, talking about life, about us and everything else. There we exchanged the sweetest words and assured each other that we will always be together, no matter what. She told me she cannot imagine her life without me. I feel the same way.
We went home and watched "The Frighteners" while eating Lasagna in bed. It was only 10 minutes until the movie ended when she had to go to bed after her mother insisted for several times that she does so.
Perhaps her mom doesn't want to fall asleep without making sure that her daughter is safely sleeping separately from me.
Well, at least there's good news - her mom allowed Angel to sleep in her room on the weekend. That'll be cool! :) I went to bed and somehow forgot about the ring... I will give it to her tomorrow.
16th September, 2004
I took a walk to the town center this morning. The weather was great - cloudy and sunny with a light cold breeze. Everything seemed so clean - the sidewalk, the cars, the houses. Even the air was fresh without any smell of gas. In short, walking the streets of Regensburg was really enjoyable. :)
I was mostly looking for a flower shop and a jewelry shop. I wanted to buy her a (relatively) expensive ring as a symbol of my strong love to her. There's a wedding ring, there's an engagement ring... well this one would be a... pre-engagement ring. A virtual-engagement if you like.
Although I found some nice and beautiful rings, I didn't know which ones would fit her fingers. In the end, I decided to take the risk and buy one, which was in my opinion the most beautiful (in the right price range). It was 8 carat gold for a decent price. I would never buy my precious Angel anything cheap!
After buying the ring I headed back home. I wanted to get back in time and get there before she does. On my way home, I entered a flower shop and bought her a bouquet of 10 flowers which I manually chose. The saleswoman didn't talk English, none of the salesmen which I've encountered in the last 2 days spoke English. But it's okay. I've managed. :)
German schoolkids were coming back home. I have to admit, many German schoolgirls are very pretty! But I don't care about it. :) I have my own pretty German schoolgirl, Hehe!
Even if she weren't pretty, I still wouldn't consider finding someone else. =)
* * * * *
I was getting late. She was going to get home soon. I decided to take a shortcut and walk the parallel street, even though I didn't really know where I was going. No matter how far I've walked, I haven't seen her flat anywhere. It was already 1:45pm and with every passing minute I was becoming more and more nervous.
I wanted to get home before she did so I would change clothes into something more elegant and romantic, hide the ring and make her a pleasant, after-school surprise! :)
At last, I reached her street and found her flat. Apparently, I was going the right way. I just forgot how far away from the town center her home is.
I went up the stairs and entered her apartment. Phew! She wasn't home yet. :)
I quickly changed clothes, hid the ring and waited until she came home. I could see the bus station out the window. It had only been a matter of a minutes before I saw her walking out of a bus, walking home... I kept wondering whether she's anxious to see me, every day impatiently waiting for the school-day to end? I know I would've. :)
She walked upstairs, opened the door and... SURPRISE! I greeted her with a bouquet of flowers and a big, warm hug. "Welcome home, honey!"
It took her a short moment to react. She thanked me for the warm welcome and told me about having a bad day in school. It didn't matter to her anymore as she was now happy.
She then changed her clothes and put on a sexy, red dress. We've kissed and embraced each other with wonderful, relaxing music playing in the background.
After an hour she wanted us to go to the newly opened Burger King restaurant to meet her 3 best friends, Shelly, Jenny and Clara. It was really fun! They talked in German most of the time, and I didn't talk much at all. Clara was talking so fast, telling jokes and making everyone laugh. She'd translate them for me sometimes. I liked her friends, they're very nice people. :)
Angel and I took a walk beside the river. We took a sit on a bench and had a wonderful view of boats and buildings, the quiet river and a flock of birds flying around. It was extremely beautiful, but it was twice as beautiful thanks to her presence! =)
We visited a big shopping center called Muller and bought ourselves 3 DVDs to watch in the evenings. It was "The Frighteners" "Big" and... "Braveheart". I don't know if she likes such movies, but since it's one of my favorites, I decided to take a shot.
The shop closed and we had to leave. We took a walk to a park east of the town center. We just sat there for a long while, talking about life, about us and everything else. There we exchanged the sweetest words and assured each other that we will always be together, no matter what. She told me she cannot imagine her life without me. I feel the same way.
We went home and watched "The Frighteners" while eating Lasagna in bed. It was only 10 minutes until the movie ended when she had to go to bed after her mother insisted for several times that she does so.
Perhaps her mom doesn't want to fall asleep without making sure that her daughter is safely sleeping separately from me.
Well, at least there's good news - her mom allowed Angel to sleep in her room on the weekend. That'll be cool! :) I went to bed and somehow forgot about the ring... I will give it to her tomorrow.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Am I dreaming? Rub your eyes again!
15th September, 2004
Angel came home from school this afternoon. We had 2 and a half hours before her mom came back from work. We spent most of it lying in her bed, kissing and holding each other with some romantic music playing in the background. I wish it could last forever!!! :)
We took a walk to the town to meet Shelly - Angel's very close friend who works there at Burger King. She introduced us to each other and then they talked in German most of the time. I just stood there, looking around, being all quiet and shy.
After walking around the town center and visiting a few shops, we took a walk to the bridge that took us across the Danube river. The view was fantastic... We were all wet after the falling rain and we both felt cold.
We kept walking around town until we reached a quiet park. Although the benches were still a bit wet, we sat down and kissed. At that moment, I wished, AGAIN, that the time stopped... at least for a few years!
It was getting dark and cold when we walked back home. We put a pizza in the oven, brought ourselves big glasses of wine, lit a few candles in the dark and made ourselves a perfect romantic atmosphere. We sat on her bed and watched our common, favorite TV series together on the DVD, kissing each other in between.
It was getting late. We were tired and sleepy, but the TV series were still on. As we were lying in bed and holding each other, she pressed her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes. It felt so romantic! I'll never forget this wonderful, magical moment! Although it was time for her to go to bed since she had school the following day, it felt like nothing mattered to her anymore whenever I hold her in my arms! I'm not sure that it's how she really felt, but that's the way I felt it. :) She's amazing and I SWEAR I WANNA BE WITH HER FOREVER!!!!!!!! I thank God for this great week, for it was worth all the suffering that I've experienced in the army. Oh, I wish I could stay here in Germany... How can I leave her, even for 1 minute?! It's hard enough when she's in school! I love her soooooo much! I hope that no matter how hard it's gonna be, love won't eventually kill me. I cannot imagine my life without her.
Only if we manage to get used to chatting again we will be able to wait for each other again until the next time that we meet.
This is the morning of 16th. I'm alone again, thinking about her and writing all this. I'm very excited to be here, to live this dream and am definitely looking forward to spending time with her today. :)
Angel left me the keys to the apartment this time. Now I'll be able to walk around town while she's in school. I'm gonna spend this morning to buy her flowers and something else that I want to give her.....
15th September, 2004
Angel came home from school this afternoon. We had 2 and a half hours before her mom came back from work. We spent most of it lying in her bed, kissing and holding each other with some romantic music playing in the background. I wish it could last forever!!! :)
We took a walk to the town to meet Shelly - Angel's very close friend who works there at Burger King. She introduced us to each other and then they talked in German most of the time. I just stood there, looking around, being all quiet and shy.
After walking around the town center and visiting a few shops, we took a walk to the bridge that took us across the Danube river. The view was fantastic... We were all wet after the falling rain and we both felt cold.
We kept walking around town until we reached a quiet park. Although the benches were still a bit wet, we sat down and kissed. At that moment, I wished, AGAIN, that the time stopped... at least for a few years!
It was getting dark and cold when we walked back home. We put a pizza in the oven, brought ourselves big glasses of wine, lit a few candles in the dark and made ourselves a perfect romantic atmosphere. We sat on her bed and watched our common, favorite TV series together on the DVD, kissing each other in between.
It was getting late. We were tired and sleepy, but the TV series were still on. As we were lying in bed and holding each other, she pressed her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes. It felt so romantic! I'll never forget this wonderful, magical moment! Although it was time for her to go to bed since she had school the following day, it felt like nothing mattered to her anymore whenever I hold her in my arms! I'm not sure that it's how she really felt, but that's the way I felt it. :) She's amazing and I SWEAR I WANNA BE WITH HER FOREVER!!!!!!!! I thank God for this great week, for it was worth all the suffering that I've experienced in the army. Oh, I wish I could stay here in Germany... How can I leave her, even for 1 minute?! It's hard enough when she's in school! I love her soooooo much! I hope that no matter how hard it's gonna be, love won't eventually kill me. I cannot imagine my life without her.
Only if we manage to get used to chatting again we will be able to wait for each other again until the next time that we meet.
This is the morning of 16th. I'm alone again, thinking about her and writing all this. I'm very excited to be here, to live this dream and am definitely looking forward to spending time with her today. :)
Angel left me the keys to the apartment this time. Now I'll be able to walk around town while she's in school. I'm gonna spend this morning to buy her flowers and something else that I want to give her.....
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