A two way ticket to Paradise

13th September, 2004

It's Monday evening now. Tomorrow I will finally fly to Germany and meet Angel!!!
They released me home this evening because the flight is tomorrow morning.

The sun would set and mark the last day of waiting. Tomorrow's sun will shine on a wholly different world.
















I got home at around 8:30pm. Angel was online. :) I packed all my things. Hope I didn't forget anything.

At the end of each month I received 700NIS from the army. This is the salary of a combat soldier. After a year of military service, I had enough money for the trip. With 900 Euros in my pocket, considering the fact that I'll be staying at her place most of the time and wouldn't spend much money on hotels, I could afford myself a great trip!

14th September, 2004

It is my first flight alone. Actually it was great... and pretty easy! I encountered no problems whatsoever. I bought them some gifts in Duty Free. An advanced calculator for her younger brother, a travel book about Israel in German language and a webcam for Angel so we could video chat occasionally! I also brought my own music cd for Angel and 2 shirts that my mom asked me to give them - for her and her mom.















































The Skyline of Israel
















The Skyline of Germany.

When I arrived in Frankfurt, I met 2 Russian guys who agreed to help me and show me how to get to the train station. Angel told me yesterday that the train leaves at 1:52pm and the next is at 3pm. My plane landed at 2:05pm local time, so I missed the 1st train.

After the final security check I had just 20 minutes until 3pm. I received my baggage pretty quickly, but the Russian guys were still waiting for their own. I couldn't wait much longer. I thanked him and took a running towards the exit.

There was no sign outside the airport that would direct me to the train station. I asked someone on the street, but he was unsure and gave me the wrong directions. I decided to ask someone else. The next one showed me where to go. In less than 10 minutes I bought the ticket and found the right track. :)

The train brought me to Nurnberg at 5:30pm. I had to switch trains and find track #8 in less than 6 minutes as it was leaving at 5:36pm! I started running, asking people, trying to find it. Eventually it was right in front of me. Phew... I took the train to Regensburg, the final stop where Angel will be waiting for me.

The view outside the window was fantastic! The whole country is so green and beautiful, just like a fairytale. The train moved past small villages with beautiful European houses and churches. This peaceful place came in such a contrast with the world of conflict and violence where I had been just a few hours ago.
















Oh, how I wish I could live in a peaceful environment for a change. With no enemies wishing for my death and my country's destruction, without the hatred of half the world, a place that invests in culture and education instead of military technologies and development.

* * * * *

The train was moving fast. I was so nervous. It was now a matter of minutes before I finally meet her. I tried to calm myself down by listening to music, but it didn't help, I was way too nervous!

I wasn't ready for it yet, but the train stopped. The sign outside the window suggested it was time, time to get off the train and meet her. MEET HER!

The great moment that I've been so eagerly waiting for (for 20 months) has finally arrived!

I walked out of the train and looked around. People were walking out of the train, periodically blocking my sight of a beautiful Angel who was standing next to the other doors of the train, anxiously waiting and innocently looking. She was wearing a red shirt and an open black sweater.

In my memories the time slowed down at that moment, but in reality it lasted only a few seconds. I started walking towards her with my baggage. She noticed me and smiled. I put the baggage on the ground and hugged her tight. Even though we've never met before, we hugged each other like we've known each other for years. I felt a pleasant sensation in my whole body, the feeling of holding someone you truly love.

We walked up the stairs and left the station. During our first few minutes together we didn't exchange a word. We were too excited to speak. She was nervous and didn't smile while walking with me to the bus stop. She says she doesn't smile too often in real life even though she's feeling very happy on the inside. But her smile is one of an Angel's. No one else's smile makes me feel the way her smile does.

I expected myself to be speechless and shy, but to my own astonishment, I talked to her a lot and we had a wonderful conversation. When we arrived to the bus stop, we decided it would be best to walk to her home by foot. I wanted to get used to her before I meet her family so that I wouldn't feel a complete stranger.

The baggage in my hand was a bit heavy, but I've managed to carry it all the way to her place, switching my hands from time to time. We talked pretty much about everything and I managed to make her smile and laugh, despite all the difficulties of speaking a foreign language. We both spoke English. It was a great experience for both of us.

The city of Regensburg is very beautiful to my taste. The conservative buildings from the 18th century, the perfectly clean streets, the clean air and fine weather - it all made me feel like I was living a dream. An Angel was giving me a tour in Paradise!

We arrived to her place. Her house is a new building, built in European style with a red, triangular roof. She has a beautiful apartment. Her room is beautifully decorated with posters and various artifacts. She has a lot of books and CDs. She owns a TV, VHS, DVD, Stereo and N64. Her computer is in the hall.

Her mom and brother have greeted me. I handed them the gifts. They were surprised and happy to receive them. I didn't talk to them much, even when we were eating dinner together. They don't know English that well. They kept talking in German all the time and I must admit it was somewhat uncomfortable at times.

The meal was spaghetti-bolognese and that's it. No drinks, no salads, no bread. But that's okay. Spaghetti-bolognese is one of my favorite dishes and by the time that I finished it, I was completely full.

After dinner Angel took me to town. We walked in empty streets, the shops were all closed, but as we were walking together, holding hands, there was nothing that could ruin the romantic atmosphere. There was an open ice-cafe restaurant where we decided to stop. We've had a drink. I was not used to the low numbers when buying things in Euros, so I gave the waiter a tip of 3 Euros while the two drinks had cost us only 7. He barely even served us a single drink. :)

After having a drink we walked to the park. I wanted to find some romantic place where I could give her our first kiss. She's never been kissed before by a guy. Since she would probably remember her first kiss for her whole life, I wanted it to be somewhat special. I couldn't wait to break the ice - I wanted to hold her endlessly in my arms and kiss her over and over again!!

We couldn't find any parks. I thought she was supposed to know the parks in her city. Then it started raining... We found a quiet place with benches. We sat down and I hugged her. As we were sitting there she didn't look at me once. She just sat straight with her hands on her knees. I held them. I kissed her cheeks and hugged her closely. The silence turned it into an uncomfortable atmosphere. We started talking about things, though we both were eager to kiss. I hoped she would look at me, otherwise her lips seemed so far away. She was probably too shy and excited to look at me. It was time. I kissed her lips under the falling rain. The sweet sensation that I wished could last forever... It was 10:45pm. We had only 10 minutes before we had to go back.

We took the bus back to her place. She had to go to bed and wake early for school tomorrow morning. It was hard to part, even for the night.

She made the bed for me in her room and went to her mother's room to sleep separately. Her mother forbids us to sleep together. I hope that she'll get to know me better and trust me in the following days...

I slept for 6 hours. Maybe it's because I'm used to sleeping that much in the army, or maybe it's because I couldn't afford myself wasting precious time. After everyone had left the apartment I sat down at the desk to write all this.

Wish me luck, for I have so much ahead!!! :)

Jail and Freedom, or something in between?

Bakria, a very good person and a reader of my blog has asked me a few interesting questions. It took me quite a while to write the answers, the size of which are more appropriate to be written in a separate post.

Here it is:

Bakria:
As a human being, why did you choose to join the army? while you had the chance to refuse (and I know that the second would have put you in jail); but why? why you, yourself, choose to go and serve in the west bank?

Before I got drafted, I didn't want to serve in the army at all, because I've already met Angel. I hoped I'd somehow be able to skip the army, perhaps sit in jail for a while and then be with her without having to wait 3 long and painful years.

But even then I knew that this plan was not likely to work. I don't have a strong character. I'm not the type of guy who could easily say no to the law and sit patiently behind bars for 2-3 months. But I also knew that I'm not the violent type of guy. I couldn't imagine myself being violent or aggressive. One thing I really couldn't imagine myself doing is shooting and killing someone. I always hoped I'd never have to do that in my whole life.

So the alternative was to be a desk-worker and work with computers - that's what I'm good at and this is what I'd choose if I wanted to spend 3 years of military service in a productive and a more or less satisfying way.

A friend of mine told me I could easily get what I want if I refuse to be drafted as a combat soldier and sit a few days in custody. He said that this is the way it works - if they see that you're not cooperative and that there's no way they're going to make you do what they say - they give you what you want or at least go on some kind of a compromise.

On my first day in the army, when it was my turn at the classification desk, I told the officer I'm not capable of killing. He then asked me a question: "what if a terrorist is threatening to blow up a bus and kill many innocent people, would you still not shoot him?" I replied: "I'm afraid I won't be able to." He gave me a look and said: "...Okay. I'm making you an appointment with the Kaban (Mental Health Officer) and I'm lowering your profile to 02 (01-02 = desk-worker, 03 and higher = usually a combat soldier)

I had to wait for the next day before it was my turn to be "mentally checked". I told the officer (who was in fact a regular citizen) about the fact that I'm not capable of killing anyone. He said that it's completely normal, that it's not something that should prevent me from serving as a combat soldier. I couldn't agree with him, but it was his specialty to tell the difference. "To me you look completely sane. I'm raising back your profile status."

There was nothing I could do. Beside me, there were desk-workers who wanted to be combat soldiers. They could do nothing to raise their profile. I would have gladly switched with them, but it was impossible...

The next day I was supposed to be on my bus to a base in the Negev where I would undergo basic training. If you get on that bus, the chances to serve somewhere else become much much slimmer. My friends and parents' support gave me enough confidence to refuse. I refused to go up on that bus and, after a short conversation in a private office, where an officer allegedly gave me one last chance to change my mind, I was taken to custody with 42 days in jail as my punishment.

They took me to custody, where I would stay a few days before they either give me what I want or put me in jail.

They led me across the parking lot and into a closed site where they kept all the insubordinates. Once I took a step in there was a commander waiting for me there. He started yelling at me endlessly and give away orders.

I don't know why I obeyed his orders in the first place. It seems that everyone does. Maybe it's because no one wants to have additional punishment, I don't know. I refused to the idea of serving as a combat soldier, not to the idea of serving in IDF at all.

They took my cellphone and put all my belongings in a separate room. They also took my belt and my shoelaces so I wouldn't kill myself.

The place was relatively small. 10 cells for 8 people each and a small courtyard with white stripes drawn on the ground, lines we weren't allowed to cross. Me and a dozen of other guys had to stand all day in with our mouths shut. Sometimes we would be given work to do, sometimes we would be yelled at, sometimes we would be allowed to sit for a while... until someone would whisper and the commander would punish us all again.

They tried to break our spirits there. We all tried to stay united and firm, but one by one they would give up and agree to the terms to which they had initially refused.

They did really well, I gotta give them the credit for that. They called us to the office to sign papers, to be tried, asked us to specify one phone number to which we'd be able to call everyday for 50 seconds in jail. They told me that tomorrow I'll have one more hearing before they transfer me to jail for a period of 42 days. During the first hearing the officer told me that these 42 days aren't final. While I'm in jail, they're going to extend it by another 42 days and then again, until I agree to serve in the combat unit I was assigned to.

Suddenly I realized that I don't know what's going to happen to me. My friend told me I wouldn't have to sit in jail in order to get what I want. It seems that he was wrong.

I was on my own now.

In the evening they gave us 7 minutes to strip, shower and get dressed. We had access to our bags now. I noticed they didn't take my phone yet, only the battery. I had a spare with me. I told one of the guys, he was surprised: "What?! They forgot to take your phone? Oh man! That's awesome! Quick! You've got to take it with you." "What? But how?" "Put it in your pants."

I didn't have the right underwear to fit a cellphone in... but he had. Yes, this was quite disgusting, but we were ready for anything. This phone could really help us all.

After the shower we still had to sit a while in the courtyard before being released to the cells. I was putting my things back in the bag when one of the commanders approached me and asked me to give him my cellphone and all my money.

I was lost. I didn't know what to do. The cellphone was already... you know where...

I pretended searching for the cellphone in my bag and not finding it. "Oh no, I can't find my cellphone" I had a really concerned look on my face. "Oh come on, give it to me" "I'm serious! I've gotta find it." After a short drama he told me we'd look for it later.

I went back to the courtyard and told that guy to give me the phone back. I don't remember exactly, but I think they wanted to commit a search on us and our belongings in order to find the phone.

I gave them my phone and said that I eventually found it in my bag, or something like that.

Before bed we were allowed to call our parents. We had 50 seconds.

That was a fine trick! We had just enough time to tell our mothers we would be alright, that we miss them so much... and that we would probably not see them anytime soon. *Click*

You spend the next hour in your cell, thinking about what you've just said to your parents, wondering if you should have called them at all, hoping they would not worry as much as you think they do.

The beds were terrible. There barely was any air, it was very hot and the hard mattresses made your whole body sweat so badly. It took me a few hours to fall asleep, I wished to get out of that cell at any cost.

The next morning a few others have agreed to leave. One of the guys was here for over a week. He looked like a troublemaker, yet he told us he's not getting what he wants, instead he's being taken to jail today.

They took him away...

I had an hour or two before my fate would be decided. I kept thinking to myself... I was born and raised in a rather educated family, all my relatives are respected people. My older brother is one of the best students in the university. And I would sit in jail? Besides, would they really give me what I want? It is written on my face that I'm not a troublemaker. Guys like me are usually disciplined, they'd obey orders. They eventually do...

They kept telling us - Only stupid guys get here. If you were smart guys, you would agree to leave...

and there, at the base people would listen to you. You would belong to a unit who will care about your interests. Nobody cares here about who you are and what you want.

I thought to myself, maybe they're right about something... maybe I'll be able to get what I want without having to sit in jail. "You'll always be able to disobey and sit in jail to get what you want." If I can't get it here, instead of going straight to jail why not try in the unit first?

So then it was my turn to accept the terms. The 42-day long punishment was canceled, I got my bag back, my cellphone, my money, everything. I got out of that terrible place and got on the bus. I felt like I did the right thing.

During the basic training, I tried to leave the unit. I threatened to commit suicide, even though I knew I would never be capable of doing it. I asked to see the Mental Health Officer of the unit.

It was a female officer. I told her that I'm not capable of killing anyone, that I don't want to serve in the territories because I'm a pacifist. She told me that it's going to be okay, that I can always become a commander or an officer, most of which do not serve in the territories at all. She was surprised by our conversation, saying that I'm completely normal and suitable for a combat unit.

The more time I spent in my unit, the harder it was to leave the unit. I hoped that there would be courses that I could take which would eventually lead me to a different place in the army. I kept asking my commander to help me with it. After 8 months in the army I've been sent to do some exams for a short commander's course. They wanted me to finish this course and go on with it to become an officer. This would guarantee me a way out of a combat military service. Out of my unit, out of my regiment and on to something completely different.

But to become an officer meant I had to sign at least for another year. I wanted to finish the army as soon as possible in order to be with Angel. I finished the first course and refused to take the officers' course. This initial course theoretically promised me a different kind of duty, most likely a non-combat duty, but our corps out of all corps did not regard this course as authorizing graduates to be commanders, but only regular soldiers.

I was the only guy from my corps in that course. All the other guys have become commanders or officers, but not me and not any other guys from my corps who've previously finished this course. I returned to my unit and stayed there as a regular soldier. They promised me they'll consider giving me a prime job in the battery, but with time I've learned that in the army promises are often meant to be broken.

No one is there to draw the line

8th September, 2004

The dates 14-21/09 have been authorized, but there are currently no tickets available for my flight back, on 21st. I've been added to the waiting list. For now I'm scheduled to fly back to Israel on 20th. I hope that the ticket becomes available though. An extra day with her sounds like a priceless treasure.

11th September, 2004

Angel e-mailed me a few times during the last few days. I also sent her SMS messages now that her phone's finally turned on. (Her mother's upset at the monthly bills of her daughter's cellphone. Angel likes to talk a lot with her friends over the phone...)

She said I could call her in the evenings, but I tried and her phone seems to be turned off all the time.

* * * * *

Me, Rami, Tzahi and Matan are in the 2nd pillbox since yesterday. It's the one that is overlooking the bridge between Hebron and Halhoul. Barbed wire is blocking the passage for cars and pedestrians alike. Nobody is allowed to pass, except for children. But the fact that nobody's allowed to pass doesn't mean that no one's trying to.































I've always wondered why soldiers keep shouting loudly and behaving aggressively whenever they want someone to obey them. Palestinians are people like all of us, they can understand you even if you use a lower tone of voice. Can't they?

During my shift there was a woman that tried to cross the bridge. It was my turn to turn people back. I took the megaphone and tried to attract her attention by calmly addressing her: "excuse me, lady, but you're not allowed to cross here. Please go back..... lady?" Matan started laughing at how pathetically it looked. She didn't bother listening to me and kept walking ahead towards Hebron. Matan took the megaphone and shouted at her to go back.

I guess sometimes you just don't have a choice. You have to use some sort of aggression to get people to listen to you. As a soldier, you can't always be nice. Some people might use it against you. It happens all the time.

But what if being nice is part of my character?

Tzahi seems to like yelling at Palestinians and give away orders. Never mind the fact that he's not even a commander, but a very young and inexperienced soldier who'd talked to a Palestinian for the first time in his life just less than a month ago.

Some people love being in command of others. It gives a boost to their self-confidence.

When a crowd of 20-25 year old women tried to cross the bridge despite Matan's repetitive calls to turn back, he and Rami ran out of the pillbox and on to the bridge. Rami took a magazine of blank bullets with him. Tzahi stayed at the top with me. "Now, watch and learn" he bragged. He took my M-16 ouf of the window and loaded it. A shot was heard! It was Matan. Women were running in panic in both directions. Schoolkids that were crossing the bridge started running as well.

Was it necessary to use violence? Wouldn't they have turned back anyway after seeing the soldiers blocking their way? I cannot say for sure. Yet I think all the peaceful methods should be attempted before turning to violence.

The bridge was closed and no one was allowed to cross, except children. But only 200 meters to the east, you could see Palestinians freely crossing the road . Sometimes the AV patrol would catch them, the soldiers would fire some rubber bullets for a while, then leave. A minute later, the traffic would resume.

Matan told us that one time, he and Yoav chased the Palestinians there, firing rubber bullets and hitting people while they were fleeing. He talked about it with such pride, as if it was one of the best things he had ever done.

After a while, Gil arrived in his jeep. While visiting the pillbox he gave us one romme. (romme is a metallic cylinder that you attach to the barrel of your rifle. It allows you to shoot rubber bullets. You put a small pack of three rubber cylinders inside, load your weapon with blanks and fire.)

Matan said that he'll fire one rubber bullet instead of three and that if anyone asks us, he fired a pack of three. (a pack of three bullets are used in order to lower its speed and therefore minimize the damage caused by the bullet. IDF forbids using a single bullet instead of a pack of three. These bullets must not be used within a close range as they are capable of killing.) Matan says that a pack of three barely hurts, while a single bullet is very painful and leaves a mark that will make sure they would no longer dare to cross the road during closure.

"Why 1? Why not 3?" I asked him.
"What a leftist!" he replied to me with a disrespectful smile.
"What would you do if people get hurt and need to get to a hospital? There's closure."
"Oh, don't be such a leftist! The bridge is closed, and so far there have been no emergencies."
If being humane is called being a leftist, then I'm proud to be one.

Gil gave Matan new orders - not to let anyone cross the bridge, not even schoolkids!

Tzahi is dying to shoot Palestinians with rubber bullets. He keeps asking Matan for permission to start shooting. ARGH!?!?!?!?! He's standing there, watching Palestinians with binoculars. He said: "I'm marking my target."

Why are they here, serving in the territories? Who gave them weapons and license to act on free will? Why do people enjoy shooting other people?! It's not a video game, but real people!!!!!

The same goes for Palestinians. If they'd been given weapons, I'm sure some of them would love to shoot Israelis.

Sigh... No respect for human life.

Every action has a consequence

7th September, 2004

Great news - The commander of our regiment signed the form. Tickets are available! Which one should I choose? 14-21/9? or 15-22/9? The latter costs much more. I need to consult with Angel, but she's changed her cellphone so I can't talk to her about it for now. I guess I'll order 14-21/9...

Another shift at the checkpoint of Beit Kahil. The Safari took us to the bridge. As we arrived, a crowd of approx. 500 Palestinians were waiting there, on their way from Beit Kahil to Hebron. We replaced the soldiers who were here during the night shift and then started working.

Raleb tried to make the crowd form 4 lines so they could be checked one by one. They keep pushing each other, each trying to get ahead of the others and reach us to be checked first and pass as fast as possible. Being rude and selfish is always the fastest way to get ahead in line and pass a checkpoint without having to wait an average of 2-3 hours. Dozens were shouting and waving, trying to attract our attention to them so that they would be checked first. Everyone had his own story and reasons why he should be the first to be checked.

Raleb is a Druze officer so it's no wonder he knows Arabic. Palestinians don't know it. Most soldiers don't know the language and Palestinians are not afraid to say whatever they want in Arabic in front of us, so Raleb heard all kinds of things. He caught some in their lies, caught others who planned to go around the checkpoint after being told to turn back and head home.

When Raleb realized he couldn't make 500 Palestinians listen to him and stand in 2 lines, he said: "I won't be checking anyone. Not until you form 4 straight lines in front of me."

One Palestinian heard him and decided to help us form 4 lines, for the sake of his own friends. He became our translator. He addressed the crowd and asked them to form 2 lines of men and 2 of women. Part of the crowd listened to his words, others were still standing scattered all over the place. Raleb was not satisfied.

A moment later Gil, the battery commander, arrived in his jeep along with his driver and a medic. They were standing on the bridge above us. One of them threw a shock grenade at the crowd. Then they started firing empty bullets in the air. (What the f**k was that for?!) The crowd quickly dispersed, everyone was running back to Beit Kahil.

A minute or two later most of them were back at the checkpoint. Oren and the jeep's driver easily managed to form a queue of 2 rows each, by physically cutting through the crowd and splitting them apart. We started checking them, and after a short while whoever was allowed to enter Hebron was inside the city. The remaining crowd contained Hebron workers, hospital visitors and university students. The people who were allowed to pass were doctors, schoolkids and teachers. The Palestinian press was present. They photographed everything.

A patrol of two soldiers on and around the bridge prevented Palestinians from skipping the checkpoint. That's probably why there were so many Palestinians at the checkpoint today. There were still a few guys who crossed the road a few hundred meters away, out of our reach. There wasn't much we could do about it.

Me and Daniel went up there to switch places with the patrol. It was very hot up there, no shade to hide ourselves from the sun. We took 2 bottles of water with us. A 16 year old girl was heading our way from Hebron. She was holding hands with a 4 year old girl. They wanted to cross the road and go home. She kept talking to us in Arabic, trying to explain something, but we couldn't understand a word she was saying. We tried both Hebrew and English, but her reaction was the same as ours. We used the radio comm. to ask if she's allowed to pass, but Kobi gave us a negative answer. (Why? She's just a schoolgirl.)

She was only allowed to pass through the checkpoint. She tried to explain to me and Daniel that she lives right across the road. The road cuts through the hill. South and below the road is where Hebron lies. North and above the road is where Beit Kahil is located. We could see a woman in one of the houses on the hill waving to the girl. It was really close. But going around is just extra ~300 meters of walking.

Unfortunately, we couldn't let her pass. I could understand her point of view, and I could understand Kobi's point of view as well. If we let her pass, other Palestinians who keep standing on both sides of the road would be heading this way and trying to pass like she did.

But wait, they're just 2 schoolgirls. Schoolkids are always allowed to pass through the checkpoint ahead of the others, so why not allow them to skip the checkpoint in the first place?

Orders were still orders. We couldn't let her pass. We kept arguing with her and speaking 2 different languages without understanding each other. I couldn't shout at her, I can't shout at girls at all, lol. Eventually she realized it was useless. She gave up and went back down to the checkpoint and then up the hill back to her home.

I wish I had let her pass. Maybe I should have done so... Maybe I shouldn't have contacted Kobi.

A while later there were two more schoolgirls who tried to pass at the same place. This time we let them. :)

A few minutes later we noticed two 4-6 year old girls standing on the edge of the hill, right above the road. They were shouting something to us, trying to draw our attention. At first it looked like they were just trying to entertain us by jumping and clapping hands, but then things started to be a bit more shocking for us...

The 2 little girls were showing their middle fingers at us. We couldn't tell what they were shouting, but it may have been cursing. Then they picked stones and started throwing them at us. Fortunately, they were just 2 little girls who couldn't throw a stone further than a few meters. The stones could not reach us, they fell on the road... The road! Then I noticed that they were throwing some stones down on the road. An Israeli car was just passing by on the right lane, the one closer to the girls. Just as it was about to pass, one of the girls lifted a relatively large stone and threw it down the hill. The stone fell down, rolled a bit and then jumped on the road almost hitting the car!

I was shocked! We started running a few meters ahead just to scare them away and they ran away. After a while they came back, but did nothing dangerous this time. A while later they went home.

Daniel later told me that while he was checking people in the checkpoint, there was one woman who wouldn't give him identification papers. He kept asking her over and over again, but she kept mumbling something he couldn't quite understand. Then she simply showed him - She had no hands! He was shocked! He apologized to her and let her pass.

In the evening we were finally replaced. The Safari had to refuel so it took us to some base East of Hebron. On our way there, we stopped at some point on the road between Halhoul and Hebron. There was a small path leading from Hebron across the Israeli road to large grove fields east of Halhoul. Dozens of Palestinians were walking there, despite the closure. Raleb and Oren walked out of the Safari joined by the AV, and dispersed the crowd by shooting empty bullets in the air. They enjoyed it and laughed with each other. But there was nothing pleasant in seeing women and children running scared and hiding in the fields afraid to get shot.

The AV driver walked out of the vehicle and fired some rubber bullets at the crowd that was already quite far away, forcing them to keep running further away. The driver then laughed in enjoyment. He isn't even a combat soldier and he isn't allowed to shoot at all, unless his life is in danger. There were other soldiers there who participated in the shooting. Some of them were shooting in the air, others were aiming at the crowd. The crowd doesn't know whether it's real bullets, rubber bullets, or just empty shells.

I'm absolutely certain that after we'd left the place the traffic resumed. What good did it do? Did they do it for entertainment? Is it going to prevent militants from going in and out of Hebron? I kinda tend to think that it might only cause the opposite. More hatred, more suffering, more militants.

The word "Defense" in Israeli Defense Forces is not always that accurate. There's always enough idiots who forget why they serve in IDF in the first place.

The closure of Hebron - A regular shift at a checkpoint

6th September, 2004

Today I had a shift at the new checkpoint under the bridge connecting Hebron and Beit Kahil.
Following the suicide bombing, IDF's high command has given orders to put Hebron under full closure. That means that no one can get in or out of the city without being checked by IDF.

The bridge of Beit Kahil was one of the roads leading out of Hebron and it had to be checked 24 hours a day. Everyday, early in the morning, there were 200-300 people waiting at both sides of the bridge, hoping to cross. Doctors and children were given passage immediately. The rest had to wait in line and be checked. Far not everyone was allowed to cross.

The checkpoint wasn't 100% effective. Dozens crossed the Israeli road above and alongside the bridge without a problem. To prevent anyone from getting in and out of the city, you would have to position a few hundred soldiers alongside the road, physically covering the whole northern part of Hebron. But there we were, blocking passage under the bridge as if suspects and militants would choose to come straight to us.





















At first there was a DCO guy with us. He kept yelling in Arabic, aiming with his weapon and giving orders. Raleb and Kobi did the same thing. I talked to some Palestinians and they obeyed me and turned back without me having to yell at them. I guess there was enough yelling already. Wouldn't they obey without all the yelling and gun-pointing?

Or and Raleb went up the bridge and prevented people from alternatively crossing it. Raleb, according to Or's enthusiastic story-telling, pushed people, grabbed them by their neckties, aimed his weapon at their foreheads within close range while yelling at them. "Are you fucking with me? Don't you see that everyone else is waiting in line at the checkpoint?!"

But they weren't up there all day. The moment they left the place and went back to the checkpoint, a new wave of citizens began crossing over without being checked. It was useless. Wouldn't we have done the same? Probably. But then they would've done the same in our place as well.

At noon, at around 1:30pm, kids crossed the checkpoint. They were coming back from school. They were cute, smiling. There were two kids that didn't look like Palestinians at all - a blonde girl and a blonde boy. They had bright-white skin. That was a rare thing to me.

The building around us were rich villas. The kind of houses that an average Israeli citizen could not afford to own. But Palestinians are excellent builders, or so they say, so it doesn't cost them that much.

Some Palestinians carried goods. There were flour bags with "USA" entitled on them, other flour bags that came from "UNRWA" with a Japanese flag on them. There were cement bags with USA's Target trademark on them. They all passed through the checkpoint. Most Palestinians were carrying black plastic bags with them.

There was a woman that tried to cross the road alongside the bridge quite close to us. Kobi told her to go back, but she refused and started running towards the other side. She stumbled onto some wires and fell down. Then she stood up, but this time she was just walking ahead. Kobi shouted: "Allo! Allo!" even though she was already quite far away. She heard him and started running again until she reached one of the houses on the other side. Kobi burst into laughter.

After a short while, TIPH guys came to the checkpoint and wanted to cross, but we didn't let them. They were taking notes all the time and even threatened us that they'll file a charge against us for not letting them pass.

One guy came with a truck full of tomatoes. He offered us tomatoes in exchange for his passage, but that didn't really work and he had to go back to Beit Kahil.

Apart from all the yelling, the gun-pointing, the chasing, the necktie grabbing, I haven't witnessed any violence there. No one was beat up or shot at. At times there was a friendly atmosphere, Palestinians were joking with us, everyone was laughing - something pleasant for a change.

There were also Palestinians who spoke Russian. They told me they studied Medicine at Russian universities. It was nice to talk to them in Russian.

The 10 hours at the roadblock were horrible. The job was not boring, the opposite - it was too intense. You had to be on your feet all the time, talking, listening to people's problems, checking documents, vehicles, bags, maintaining order and so on. I had head ache from the tight casket, my back was in pain from all the heavy equipment, especially the ceramic vest. My legs were praying for some rest...

We were replaced in the evening, until the morning. I write this instead of going to bed, cause I don't want to forget anything.

I can't imagine myself having to stand in that damn roadblock everyday for like 10 hours.

I called my Mom. She told me there are still no tickets for September 13th and the waiting list is full! My ticket is only for 5 and a half days in Germany, 14-20/9.

I have to do something about it! I have to change the dates!

There was a flight from 14th until 21st to Frankfurt and from 15th to 22nd to Munich (closer to Regensburg, the city where Angel resides). I don't know if tickets are available. I asked Lital if I could change the dates. She said I could.

Lital is very beautiful and is extremely nice. Normally, I would've had a crush on someone like her, but now that I have Angel, I'm resistant to any kind of attraction.

I also talked to Yair. He said that most likely I'll be able to change the dates to 14-21/9 and 15-22/9. Yay!

A quiet night at Beit Ula

4th September, 2004

I was guarding at the bunker of our base when Anton came and replaced me. I wondered why he did it so early, it was still my shift... He said I was chosen to be part of an arrest operation.

We trained for a while and departed after 3 hours. Wearing ceramic vests and loaded guns we arrived at Beit-Ula at 2am in the armored Safari.

All the soldiers left the Safari as quietly as possible, everyone took their positions around the house. The streets were totally deserted. Me, Or and Kobi had to go around the street to the back side of the house and cover for any possible attempts of escape. Or and Kobi faced the house, covering the windows and the roof. I was assigned to watch the alley for any unwanted guests, or whatever.

It was the first time I took part in such an operation. Most soldiers prefer these kind of things over regular guarding shifts. I don't know... It's exciting, that I admit. You can later go and tell your friends about all the cool things you've done in the army. Not like anyone gives a shit. But I don't like to see people getting arrested, see their families crying, or worse - seeing somebody get shot. I wouldn't want to witness such things, especially if I were to remember it all for the rest of my life.

But there I was, sitting at the assigned position, pointing my gun and ready for anything. I felt tense and nervous. My legs hurt from long time of kneeling. I had to keep shifting weight from one leg to another in order to relieve the pain.

It was so quiet that I could hear somebody snoring. After a short while, I heard Raleb shout: "Yiftah el bab!" (Open the door). He tried again and again, screaming louder, but nobody opened the door. Then I suddenly saw some movement in the alley. Some black shadow moving quickly in the night... How relieved I was to find out it was just a cat. Then a man's shadow appeared. After a second or two I could see him wearing a casket, a weapon in his hand. I asked: "Who is it?"
"Relax. I'm a soldier." - It was a driver. Although they're not combat soldiers, they're always eager to take part in all the action.

Several seconds later, the quiet atmosphere was interrupted by an explosion. It was a shock grenade thrown into the house. There was still no reply. No one opened the door.

The man we came to arrest stole a M-16 weapon from a settlement called Efrat. There were other 2 teams from another platoon (Officer's course platoon) who surrounded the house of his parents in a village called Hidna, in case he's spending the weekend there.

Our team was not authorized to break into the house so we left the village and arrested no one.

It appeared that there were some people sleeping on the roofs of these houses. One of the guys woke up from the noise and came down to say hello to the soldiers. He said that the guy we came to arrest stays at his parents' place. I don't know if he was arrested by the other platoon, but most likely he was.

After the operation, I'd been told that Yoav, who was part of the frontal "breaking-in" team, had thrown a grenade into the house without removing the safety pin! lol!
Basically, apart from the stolen M-16, the guy has a grenade now, as a gift from IDF. That is, if he hasn't been arrested yet.

At 3:45 we were back. At 9 I had to go to the kitchen and work there until 2:30pm. Then I had to get ready to leave for the pillbox.

We didn't stay for long at the pillbox. At 3-4am we were replaced by soldiers from the 2nd battery. Due to the current situation in Hebron, the 2nd battery will be assigned to this pillbox from now on.

When the commander of the incoming team was briefed about his duties in this pillbox - he didn't like the part requiring him to open the gate for humanitarian and international vehicles and other special cases: "I ain't no opening it to nobody! F**k them!"

Yeah, right! He'll probably have no choice but to open the gate. Yet, I may never know how much trouble this commander and soldiers from his problematic battery will cause. It's such a sensitive period, especially tough for the local Palestinian population. I know he might not care about Palestinians, but I hope he knows what responsibility lies in his hands - he controls the gate through which Hebron receives supplies of food and other humanitarian aid.

Bilateral hell breaks loose

29th August, 2004

Raleb is one of our officers. He's Druze. He dislikes Palestinians, but is good towards us soldiers.
He made sure I get home very early today. I was ready at 5am and arrived home at 9:30, thanks to him. (There's a bus from Kiryat Gat that crosses Telem and arrives at Kiryat Arba. Kiryat Arba is populated mostly by religious Israelis and Russian-Israelis. It's close to Hebron and not too far away from Jerusalem. I took a bus to Jerusalem and then to Tel Aviv. Eventually I spent around 4 hours on this ride, but once you get home you become so relieved...

While I was on the bus to Jerusalem, I heard how two 40 year old Russian-Israeli women started talking about me: "I'll sit next to this handsome soldier." I don't know if she realized that I know Russian. After a while she changed her seating place, saying: "May a pretty, young lady sit next to you." Wow... That surely doesn't happen often.

There was indeed one pretty, young lady who was sitting... almost next to me (opposite side - same row) on the bus from Jerusalem to Tel Aviv. I only noticed her when we arrived to the central bus station in Tel Aviv. She looked at me as we left our seats, looked at me again while we were standing in line for a security check. When I looked at her again, I noticed that she was quite pretty... but it really didn't matter to me.

I went to an ATM. While I was withdrawing money, I noticed that there was someone behind me, standing in line, looking like her. I didn't look back so I'm not sure it was her. Then, when I took the bus home, the 4th encounter happened. She came to the same bus stop where I was waiting and took the same bus!!! Is she following me or is it a very rare coincidence?!

She looked at me once more while we were standing at the bus stop. When the bus arrived, I sat in the last row so she wouldn't sit behind me, but then she sat on one of those seats that were facing me!! After a while someone took a seat between the two of us.

This whole incident reminded of my earlier "catch the moment" opportunities in which I had my one, single chance with girls that I met outdoors. But I'd never taken them since I have Angel. There's no way in the world I would dare hurting her feelings and jeopardizing our unique relationship. This relationship has the best chances of success out of all the relationships I've ever had. I'm giving it my best for there's no way to know if chances like this might come along again in the future.

Anyway, that girl left the bus before I did and I have never seen her again.

1st September, 2004

Back to the army...

I was late for my bus.. but the next one would arrive there in time, unless something would prevent it.. I was nervous, looking at the watch (9:56) - I have to get to the train station at 10:15. The bus driver was driving so slowly, people were coming on and off the bus at every bus station, but what really took most of my precious time was the traffic jam at Etzel street. After a few minutes of stressfully waiting in my seat, I realized that the traffic jam would take a while to clear up. I took my bag and left the bus, running forward as fast as I could. There was a minibus-taxi ahead of me. I took it.

It was already 10:14 when I arrived. I had to cross a bridge, connecting the two sides of the road. While I was running towards the other side of the bridge, I saw my train departing. That was a death sentence for me. I couldn't get to Kiryat Gat at 11am. I was late and I could be punished for that...

I called my commander. He asked Yair and then told me to get to Kiryat Arba instead. I got there at 12:42pm. Only at 4:10pm I was taken to the base. They always leave you waiting for hours before they arrive with their Toyota (battery's car, used mainly for logistics) to take you away.

I wasn't the only soldier who was supposed to get to Kiryat Gat, so I was surprised to find out that no one from Kiryat Gat has arrived yet. So even though I was late, I arrived earlier than the others.

I just found out that yesterday there was a double suicide bombing in Beer Sheba. I called my brother to see if he's okay. He studies at the Ben-Gurion university in Beer Sheba.

Around 19 people were killed with over 70 injured. The two suicide bombers came from... HEBRON!!

But no, not from our side of Hebron. We only control the northern part of Hebron. The suicide bombers came from the southern part of the city.

IDF has a full closure on Hebron now. We have to check everyone who enters and leaves Hebron at its northern side. Helicopters hover over the city.

As I was at the base I looked for Lital. The other service terms desk-worker told me she's on a regila now, that she'll be back by next Sunday. She found out for me if the form has been signed yet. It hasn't been. "Lital will give it to the regiment's commander next Sunday." I thanked her and left the office. There's less than 2 weeks and now I have to wait 1 week until the process could be resumed? I already have the tickets, they wouldn't dare to back off on me, would they?

Or, Rami and me replaced the soldiers at one of the three pillboxes that our battery garrisons. It's the same pillbox I was in a week ago. It's located in Hebron's north-eastern corner. It's located next to a junction with 3 roads leading to Kiryat Gat, Jerusalem and Kiryat Arba. Normally, our main objective here is to carry out checkpoints on the road when ordered and open the gate opposite the pillbox. It's a humanitarian gate. Just as the name suggests, we open it for ambulances mostly, after we check them.

Since all the roads to Hebron were closed, the humanitarian gate was among the only remaining open roads leading in and out of Hebron. Therefore, many cars and trucks tried to make their way through this passage and had to be checked. Trucks with food, gas canisters, medical equipment and other necessary goods were allowed to pass. International vehicles were allowed to pass as well. Hebron citizens who were coming back home (if I remember correctly) were allowed to pass as well. The rest were turned back.

Or turned some of the trucks back telling them to go to Hebron-Halhoul bridge (where the 2nd pillbox is located), even though he knows perfectly well that there's no passage there. The roads are closed.

Why did he do it? I don't know. Maybe he just didn't care. But he was the commander there and he decided how it was going to be. I could only watch and hope that these trucks would either come back here or find some other way to Hebron.

3rd September, 2004

3 soldiers from DCO (District Coordination Office) arrived to the pillbox today. DCO is in charge of issuing work permits, prisoner visiting permits, permits for medical treatment in Israel and so on. I don't know for sure, but it seems that for most of their problems that has anything to do with Israel or IDF, Palestinians would come to DCO for help.

I was quite sure that these guys are mostly leftists and pro-Palestinians, but I was wrong. At least not those 3 guys. They shouted and threatened, turning cars around.

There was a taxi car parked at the side of the road. Me and Or went to check the car. The taxi driver said that his car keys were taken by the officer after he tried to bypass the cars that were ahead of him in line. Or told him he'd talk to the officer, but he started checking other cars instead. I told him: "Let's go and talk to the officer." He replied: "Are you kidding? You really thought I meant what I said? Let him wait there."

Only after 3 hours one of the DCO guys gave Ron (a different commander, who replaced Kogan) the keys and said: "You can either give him back the keys or you can make him wait longer. It's your call." After we had checked another car, I told him we should give him the keys, that he's waiting there for over 3 hours. We checked his car and Ron gave him back the keys.

Many cars and trucks were waiting in line, each with his own reasons and excuses. While you stand there checking these vehicles, you get to hear hundreds of original stories, yet you must follow orders and give passage only to vehicles with humanitarian aid. They keep arguing with you, which is quite reasonable - they've been waiting in line just to be turned back? and some of them really need to get to Hebron.

After a dozen of arguments you still have to control your patience for there's a dozen more coming ahead. "A trailer has been wrecked in a traffic accident, we need to get there fast!" "I have chicks in my truck, they barely have any air, they would die if they're not delivered on time."

For a while there, we had to check all the 3 roads of this junction. I tried to make sure that all roads will be checked equally. Ambulances and international vehicles were checked immediately. Ron checked cars thoroughly, checking every possible hole in the car, beneath the rugs, the side doors, everything! It's not a bad thing, but if you think about it - you can check a car for an hour, there're so many places where you could hide things.

There was one Israeli-Arab who said he's a collaborator. They let him pass. He informs IDF of any planned attacks, gives away names of Palestinians involved in illegal acts against Israel, etc.

Many Palestinians and international workers from UN, TIPH and other organizations were looking at us with hatred in their eyes. It surely wasn't pleasant.

Although I normally smile quite often, I was rarely able to smile while I was checking vehicles and documents, surrounded by a lot of unhappy-looking people.

After 3 hours, we were replaced in the pillbox. I arrived at the base. Everything is so calm in here.

Angel will come home tomorrow. She said that she got a serious tan in Croatia. Even though I don't really care about that, it somehow got me worried. I like it when girls have a bright, white skin. I don't know why, but most Israeli girls - those who have a dark, brown skin are not my type. Maybe it's because I'm pretty white myself. I hope she didn't get tanned that much.

Man, I can't wait to see her already! It's going to be such a heaven! My Angel... Soon.... Very soon...

In Good Hands

21st August, 2004

As usual, on Saturday you get a day off, but in my case it really didn't matter much - Here in Telem we patrol 3 hours at night and that's it. I slept a lot, and in the evening we played soccer until something happened...

Even though it's Saturday and we're not wearing our uniforms, we have our weapons and the radio with us all the time.

Or heard the emergency code-word that meant there was a terrorist activity somewhere in our region. We all ran to the house to get ready. The radio updated us with some details: It turns out, our battery commander's jeep was fired at. We had to patrol in the settlement until things calmed down. After 2 hours we were told it was false alarm - Gil (our battery commander) heard an explosion. He thought it a blown up tire, but when they checked the vehicle, they found a bullet-like bump, thinking that they might have been fired at... with 1 bullet? Eventually, it turned out to be an old bump and a false alarm.


22nd August, 2004

I called Lital. It appears that Dror shouldn't have handed the papers to the regiment commander. He has to sign when the documents are fully filled in and signed by all the required sources. He should have given it back to Lital and only after additional procedures, the major would sign it. She said she'd be back at the base this evening and that I should call her tomorrow.

23rd August, 2004

Or and Yair decided to do some charity work for the settlement - seal all the holes in the fence that surrounds Telem. We've been working for a few hours in this unbearable heat until we've finished it. I expected some kind of a reward after we're done... what was I thinking?!

I called Lital. She said that she's been assigned to work at the kitchen today but she'll give the papers to Dror. (Yes, sometimes desk-work soldiers have to work at the kitchen too, but only 1 person per day, whereas our battery has to send 3-4 each day. As a result, some of us end up being in the kitchen 2-3 times a week.)

Dror called me and I dictated him some details that should be added or fixed. He gave it back to Lital, who said that she will sign everyone involved and I'll know the results when I call her tomorrow.

Another incident happened today - a militant fired towards an Israeli vehicle while he was driving on the road connecting Telem, Adora, Hebron and Kiryat-Araba with Kiryat-Gat and the western part of Israel. A boy was injured in the incident, although he wasn't hit by a bullet. We had to stay alert and patrol additional 4 hours until things calmed down. The militant had managed to escape but his weapon was found, along with 5 bullet casings.

24th August, 2004

Lital asked me when exactly I have a regila. "On 13th, but also tomorrow with my team". She said I should call her tomorrow.

I called Angel after realizing that I may not be able to receive her messages since she's in Croatia. She said she didn't receive mine either. But all that matters is that she's alright and that she's having a great vacation. =)

25th August, 2004

Even though today was the day that I finally got home, it was a bad day.
I couldn't reach Lital. All the desk-work soldiers have been sent to a country club vacation.
Yair told me to come back on Friday (on 27th) for the weekend, because they're in need of more soldiers. Turns out I don't have 2 free weeks. I have my regular 5 days split in two (25-26) (29-31), without the weekend. We were released home at around 5pm. I got home at the end of the day at 8:30pm yet it counts as a day off. *sigh* But at least I'm home and will only stay 12 days in the army before flying to Germany!!!

27th August, 2004

Just 5 minutes after I arrived back to Telem, I was taken to the AV for a 3 hour patrol. That's called efficiency. Not once do they use us soldiers to our maximum capabilities. No, not once, but quite excessively.

No news from Lital. I still can't reach her. Yair told me that Gil, our battery commander, had signed the papers 2 days ago, that everything is fine. Let's hope so...

Yair is a good guy. He's our platoon commander. Never have I had a better platoon commander before. He's a very kind guy with a good sense of humor. He helps us whenever he can. He too has a girlfriend who's now in India on a trip. Maybe, in some way, he knows how I feel.

I cannot stop thinking about Angel. She's amazing! I know I haven't met her yet, I have never seen her in person, but that's what makes our relationship so special. In our 18 months of long distance relationship we've never had a single fight. With each passing day our bond was becoming ever more stronger.

I've never missed someone the way I miss Angel, filling the void with dreams of the two of us together. Thinking about all the beautiful places we'll visit, all the great things that we'll do together. These thoughts alone make me happy and content.

I don't care if nobody really gives a damn about me here in the army. I don't care how long I will have to endure this military-slavery, as long as there is one person in this world, one special person who cares about me more than this whole world altogether could ever care. I will devote my whole life to making this person happy, for there is no better happiness than the way she makes me feel everyday.

16 more days... and I will prove to her beyond all doubt that our dreams can become reality.