A week of minor events

Before going home I had an interview with our battery commander and we've talked about my future in the battery. He said that I'm a very good soldier, that's he's very pleased with me, that I should keep up the good work and that I've a chance to become a "senior" soldier in 4 months. (With privileges but more responsibility.) But he also expects me to organize events and be a sort of leader and that isn't exactly me...

15th-19th July, 2004

When you come home for a few days after 2-3 weeks in the army, you begin to realize how much you miss home and how precious is every minute of your time as a "free" man.

Angel was online and we talked for 4 days every night. She also sent me a lot of her pictures. She's such a model!! :) She wanted to cut her hair short, like Julia from T.A.T.U (her favorite band), but changed her mind. I told her I love her present haircut. She's really beautiful with her long hair!

I posted in StudentCenter.org about the story of me and my Angel. People told me things like - it's the most romantic story I've ever heard of. They wished me good luck and advised us to hold on to each other and be patient. We definitely will!!! I didn't chat with her Mom, but I'll probably fly to Germany. :) Can't wait any longer! I love her so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

20th July, 2004

Time passes by so fast, that the next thing you know - you're back in the army again. I'm currently in our battery's base near Telem. It's fine here, for now...

22nd July, 2004

After having a constant 4/4 shift the whole day (4 hours guard / 4 hours rest and then again...) the 1st department arrived to the base for an evening event and those who had a 4/4 shift were promised they would rest until 10a.m.

But you know how it's like in the army... you must never rely on such promises. Things change so often that every night you don't know how much sleep you'll be getting, you just have to go to bed as soon as you're allowed (around 8:30-9:00 p.m.) - that is unless you're on a shift.

I woke up at 6:15 a.m. and Ron told me I should dress up and go guard at the watching post. Arguing wouldn't help. Refusing to go will only cause more problems - I still want to get home 16 days from now. Besides, the poor guy who's currently guarding is on a shift from 2 a.m. - if you wake the commanders up and start arguing with them, not only that it's useless most of the time, but also the poor guy would be stuck in there more time instead of being in his warm bed.

After having finished guarding for 4 hours, you expect to be replaced. You wait for the guy to come. Every minute gets you more and more upset. Sometimes you can get into a really bad mood if you guard 20 minutes more than you're supposed to. Some guys wage wars - "he was late for 20 minutes? I'll be late for 30!" Other guys punish the wrong people - not always the one you replace in the post is the one who replaced you, so some people just don't care and punish whoever they're supposed to replace.

I've put aside all the bad thoughts and tried to keep myself in a good mood during the shift. Luckily, it was the right thing to do. After the shift was over I slept a little while and then the lieutenant came looking for me and took me to the Telem settlement where most of my team was.

We were supposed to start patrolling at night, but an hour and a half earlier, someone announced on the military radio that a Palestinian opened fire on an Israeli car near our base, 1km from the settlement. Fortunately, no one was injured. The threat level has been elevated and we started our patrol immediately.

After 4:30 hours we were replaced by Or and Yoav and went straight to bed with our clothes on. (Military readiness due to the high threat level.)

The next day it was quiet again. My Angel e-mailed me and told me about her school trip. They've visited a concentration camp and she was horrified by what she's seen there. She wrote that she doesn't want to think about it, that things are different now. I'm surprised but, in a way, glad that students in Germany get to visit such places and learn of their history no matter how unpleasant it may be. But I don't want my Angel to see such things, to be troubled by all the cruelty that this world projects on a daily basis. She told me her grandparents were against the Nazi regime and that she's against it too. :) I've heard that many Germans feel embarrassed from their history. Even though they should be, I wish things didn't happen the way they did. Now it's 2004. I'm a Jewish-born, Russian-Israeli guy who's deeply in love with a non-Jewish German girl and what was 60-70 years ago is irrelevant to our relationship. I love her more than anything and I'll be with her forever, no matter what.

* * * * *

The guys here talk about sex again. :( Ido says that the settlement's mayor has 3 young daughters.
Yoav: "I want to get laid with them".
Ido: "Hope they have the mayor's eyes, but are not as dumb as their daddy." Yoav: "When my shift comes, I'm gonna patrol around her house"

They started talking about Tal's girlfriend: "Tal, why does your girlfriend yell at you whenever you speak to her on the phone?" He replied: "Who cares?! As long as I get what I want when I come home from the army."
"How long are you two together?" "3 years." "Maybe you should consider marrying her!" A burst of laughter followed. "I cheated on her with 2 girls. One of them is her best girlfriend, but it was a short relationship."

It's so sad for me to hear all this. 3 guys from my team - total disrespect to women, all they ever talk about is football and sex. Many girls don't know what they're boyfriends like. I wish they did.

Good thoughts of eternal happiness

12th July, 2004

On thursday I'll finally be home! Wohoo!

This evening me and my team are moving to our battalion's headquarters, near Telem. We'll guard there and have some practice at a shooting range.

I look at the pictures of my Angel. Oh! The more I look at her, the more amazing, beautiful and special she seems to me. I'm so happy and proud to be her boyfriend!!! O:) I love her soooooooooooooooo much!!!

I wrote a few love messages (SMS) to her and I always think about her! I also wrote 2 songs which are dedicated to her, I just hope I'll remember their melodies until I come home.

(Now that I read my diary entries, I don't seem to remember any such melodies. I guess I haven't managed to remember them after all)

13th July, 2004

Oh it's so great here! :) For each 4 hours that we guard we get 8 hours of rest (well, most of the time it's more like 6, but it's still better!) There's a cafetery where we can buy some cold drinks. We can finally sleep without the uniform, we can take a bath every night!

Yesterday, my Angel e-mailed me a long, cool letter. Oh man, she's soooo amazing! Can't find the word to describe this!

I'm looking at her photos and imagine her with me. Even imagining her is enough to make my breathing harder. I can't imagine how great I'll feel when I be with her. I can't wait for it anymore, I wanna meet her! Argh!

I don't know what I would have done without her. How I would have survived the basic and advanced training of my military service. She was the only thing that made me strong during those hard days. I can't imagine how great my life will be when I finish my military service. I'll travel all over the world with my Angel and then, one day, I will marry her! Oh, Angel... :)


15th July, 2004

We went home quite early, around 11:30a.m. after we spent time practicing at a shooting range, some shooting and positioning exercises. The officer said that we'll have a charity day on our next home release. That means that the army takes a day from our holiday in order to use us as soldiers for various charity events to make IDF look good in the eyes of the Israeli public. I'd be glad to help people, but not when it's obligatory and not during the few days per month that I get to be home. *sigh* I just hope it won't take much time.

Girls, girls, girls

9th July, 2004

There were 4 fence alarms today, the highest number so far.

I had a patrol today with Yoav. He wanted us to sit next to the synagogue, where he can see the basketball field - the place where that girl is doing jogging at nights. He told me he saw another girl of our age, a blond one: "But she's ugly and not worthy of a d**k. But I hope that this one will turn out to be hot." ...yet girls are attracted to him. They most likely don't know that to him they're just sex objects.

Word got out that the previous team of soldiers, who were replaced by Egoz a few weeks ago (The Egoz team has been replaced by a Golani team a few days ago), were invited by her to her house. During a patrol, two guys accepted her invitation and spent time with her at the house. One of them wanted to get into bed with her, but she told him he's too young, that if he'd been a bit older perhaps she would've slept with him.

For some reason, girls like that make me sad. Girls who'd sleep with strangers just for fun. They may do whatever makes them happy, but I think it's kind of cheap. Same for guys - guys who'd sleep with any girl that'd want them are cheap. But I don't care, I have my Angel. She's the most incredible girl in the world. Sex has never been my primary goal. Love has always been more important to me.

* * * * *

The girl went jogging in the field and walked past us during our patrol. Finally we saw her face. She wasn't pretty to my taste, she was around 20 and taller than me, I think. Even the Golani guys talk about her and about a few other girls they've seen around. There are only about 30 families living in Adora and some of the soldiers here, if not all of them, are desperate to get laid. Maybe I'd have been like them if I didn't have my Angel. Even though I've never met her yet, with her I feel like I could live without sex for a hundred years. I'll hold on to her forever!! Because I know I'll never find anyone like her, ever!

I received an e-mail from her, but I've problems opening it on my phone. My mom opened it at home and read it to me on the phone: Angel says her mom plans to go to Florida next year, that would be great for her family and maybe even for the two of us! She wrote that her mom wouldn't let her fly to Israel even if I have a webcam chat with her, and she may not have Internet next friday, when I'll be home - that means I won't be able to talk to her for the next 25 days!!! She can't call me, she can barely send me 1 sms per day. She also said that her mom won't let her fly to Israel even if I fly to Germany first and meet her. I'm so sad... I need to call her.

Usually, after I talk to her I become happy because she's so great!!! Her voice is so magical... I'm gonna call her. Sorry I'm just too depressed to write right now... :(

* * * * *

We talked for 20 minutes. She said she'll talk to her mom and ask her if she would let us travel alone around Germany. Things are really going bad right now, but we'll never give up. Nothing will keep us away! The strength of our love will eventually beat the time and distance obstacles.

A new threat

8th July, 2004

Somebody called the police of Kiryat-Gat and warned of an impending attack of Palestinian militants on one of the two settlements that my battery is protecting - Adora and Telem.

The battery commander decided to set an ambush in the eastern part, just outside of Adora. A hummer would patrol the south-western part of Adora and tempt the militants to go straight to the ambush.

While training prior to the mission, Telem's patrol announced on the radio that they've discovered a hole in the fence. 3 soldiers from Adora and the battery commander jumped in a jeep and drove to Telem (500 meters of distance) as reinforcements. The rest of us stayed in Adora.

When they checked the hole, it was false alarm - the hole was there all along.

Meanwhile, me, my commander and another soldier - we set an ambush. It was like hell, lying on spiky bushes while all your body hurts. Thank God it was only 2 hours!

During this day there were also 3 automatic fence alerts that we had to check. Nothing special. Probably birds again.

Make this world a better place

7th July, 2004

An 18 year old girl crossed the street. After checking her out, Ido said: "Nah, she's too ugly to f**k". What an asshole. There's something else about him that I dislike... He earns respect from everyone for being so cool with his carefree behavior but he himself doesn't seem to respect anybody.

He'd engage in negative gossip about everyone with anyone. Can someone like that be a real friend? Talking behind people's backs, criticizing your friends, being two-faced.

I know sometimes it's hard not to criticize people, but we should do our best, especially when it comes to our friends. If we value our friends and they're important to us, we should show at least a little bit of respect.

One more thing I dislike about many soldiers in my battery: Their total indifference when it comes to all kinds of things. Examples: Washing the dishes the way that only half of them become clean, littering everywhere, even if there's a trash can 5 feet away, peeing on the toilet cover, throwing torn newspapers and toilet paper on the floor, leaving dishes at the table as if in a restaurant. Why? Bad home education?

Eventually you have to clean up after them. We have to clean twice every day and it'd have been much easier had they not been so careless. Sometimes I'd clean up after others just because I like it when it's all clean. Even in the streets of the settlement or anywhere else where I might be. Doesn't the world look better when it's clean? Don't people care about the nature? I wish more people did. It could be a very beautiful world if it were all clean.

My officer told me that I'm putting more effort than others, that I'm a very good and disciplined soldier and that if I keep up like that, I may be "promoted" and receive a job at the battery (better service conditions - no cleaning up, be released home more often, have my own room where I could watch TV etc.)

I hate flattering myself. I like to be good and to be recognized as a good person but it should come from a man's deeds, not his words. But since it's a diary, I guess I can afford that. If there's bad things to write about myself, I will, that is if I notice them.

My Angel doesn't know much about my service. She never really asks and it might not interest her. Sometimes I'd say a thing or two, but she wouldn't show much interest. Maybe it's better for her not to know these things. I know her since my last grade in high school so she doesn't really see me as a soldier, I think. It doesn't matter, though. I hope that she loves me for who I am. I know I love her for who she is and that's true love! Her love for me is true too and that's the only thing that matters to me!

Sometimes she's so incredible, especially when she shows me how much she loves me and how far she'd be willing to go to be with me. She is amazing and she makes me feel over and over again that I have the B-E-S-T girlfriend in the whole world!!!

During my patrol I came up with a movie scenario. Two best friends - An Israeli and a Palestinian grew up together in a village (where Israelis and Palestinians used to live together). After several years, a separation wall was built in the middle of the village, splitting it into two parts - one being Israeli and one Palestinian. The wall also separated the best friends and from then on they weren't allowed to see each other. As time passed, they became more involved in politics. The Israeli guy joined the army, the Palestinian guy struggled to find work and practically help his family stand on their feet. He eventually joins Hamas and gets paid well for his skills in engineering, producing explosives and wiring for them. The two meet again when the Israeli guy enters Nablus while on a military operation. His mission is to raid the building in which the weapons lab is located and arrest everyone in the building for suspicion in being connected to Hamas.

Well, I have to work much more on this story. The story begins as the Israeli guy, being the narrator tells us the story while sitting in prison. He's a different person. He learned the true meaning of hatred. The story ends as the Israeli guy is released from prison, walking on the road, carrying a Palestinian child on his shoulders, his best friend's son. I leave the rest for your imagination. This story, once completed, can shock the whole world with its strong message. If I ever manage to deliver this message to the world, it would be a dream come true, it may make the world slightly a better place, which is probably more than I could ever achieve in my life, unless of course I get to publish my music. (http://www.soundclick.com/skylite)

Thank you, visitor, for reading my blog. I wish you, whoever you are, a good day and much much happiness in your life. And no, I'm not on drugs in case you were wondering. :) There's a still a lot of things to post. But for now I'm gonna call it a night. I'll see you soon.

The unjustified death

6th July, 2004

This commander from "Egoz", whose soldiers guard the gates of Adora (participating in protecting the settlements as part of their advanced training program) - the same soldiers who bothered the Israeli-Arab who stopped his car near the gates, their commander had told us a terrible story today, although it didn't seem terrible for him at all...

He just had a call from his brother who serves in Nablus. His brother had told him that during an operation there, they were attacked by a Palestinian militant. They had casualties, one officer was killed and the militant was killed as well.

His brother participated in that operation. He saw someone's head in the window, someone was looking at them. He thought it might be a militant and so he immediately fired at him (violating IDF's rules of engagement). The guy was shot in his head and was killed instantly. Later, when he approached the body, he realized it was an unarmed civilian. He said that all his brain was scattered around the room, with blood everywhere.

While the commander was telling this to us, he seemed somewhat amused by this incident. Is it funny?!

During his phone call to his brother, I overheard him saying: "does anyone else know about this?" and then he said: "okay".

Today's news announced the following: "Israeli helicopter killed 2 Palestinian civilians after a firing a rocket-..." Maybe it wasn't related at all, I don't know.

The civilian was killed for no reason. He posed no threat to the Israeli soldiers. I don't know how often these things happen, but I damn hope that it happens rarely!

Damn it! Is he any different from other civilians? He most likely has a family, friends, maybe even a wife with kids. Now they won't see him. Dozens of lives are shattered because of a stupid, careless act.

I hope that his brother will have a trial and be put in prison for this. I know that it's a real chaos out there, but you can't fire on people unless you recognize a potential threat. There are many civilians there and you can't keep firing on people 'just in case'!

Now imagine the outcome of this one single incident - his family, relatives and friends are likely to hate Israel, at least more than they already do. His friend or brother may swear revenge on Israel and be the next suicide bomber to explode on the streets of Jerusalem or Tel Aviv and kill dozens of people. Then IDF will bulldoze his home and his family will live in a refugee camp. Israeli victims' families will hate Palestinians and if one of their relatives serves in the Israeli army, this cycle is likely to repeat itself. All this may happen because of one guy who is probably even proud of his actions, the way his brother is.

Then everyone hates Israel - because of such people, who are so selfish in their hatred, so eager to show their power and use their 'license to kill' while being protected by the uniform that they're wearing, the same uniform under which they swore to abide by the ethic code of the Israeli army. These people don't care about the consequences of their criminal actions, they are unaware of the negative impact on the Israeli population, on our country's reputation in the world.

They do not represent Israel or the Israeli army. These individuals (I really hope that they are a small minority in Israel) are condemned by the Israeli nation (Again - I really hope they do!) and it's not how Israel should look like. I know many good and decent people here who make Israel what it should be, but good people don't make the news that often.

The same goes for the Palestinians. Even though I'm only in contact with 1 Palestinian through the Internet (who's a very good guy!) I'm sure that most of the Palestinians are good people. (At least I hope so)

People shouldn't solve things with violence. Even if you'd lost a relative, revenge is not a solution. Hatred only leads to more hatred. Although I don't know how I would've acted if I had lost someone. I don't wanna know and I want to escape this reality before it gets to me or my relatives. I wanna run to my Angel's arms, seek refuge in her haven and lead a happy life with her by my side! :)

I am innocent and so is she. There's no place for innocence where I live, where I serve. I belong to a different world, an innocent and peaceful world where Angel awaits me... My Angel...

I wish I could change the world and make hatred disappear. I'd be willing to sacrifice myself, absorb all the hatred in this world and fly far away, out of man's reach.

* * * * *

Tonight Yoav arrived at Adora. The moment he entered the room, Ido, his partner for 'scoring' girls had told him about the 20+ year old he had seen, during a patrol with me. Yoav said: "I'm dying to f**k her already". The next thing they did was go and look for her in the streets. Ido wishes to find a girl 17 or older to f**k. Every patrol he complains that he doesn't see any girls in this settlement.

Yes, many guys only think about sex and that's annoying. They keep talking about girls, strategies of 'scoring', different experiences, giving each other tips. Sometimes you want to punch them so hard so they'd never mention "girls" and "sex" in the same sentence ever again.

The green light

5th July, 2004

Tonight my commander told me the news - I'm allowed to go abroad during my military service after I'm at least one year in the army, after I fill in some security documents. Yay! It means that I'll meet my Angel for sure! :)

Even if I get the free week during her 1st semester at school, she said she could skip her classes for 1 week! (Combat soldiers get free weeks once per 4 months, depending on their locations and operations. It varies. Sometimes you get the week after 3 months, sometimes after 7, so it is unknown when I'll get mine. Only during that week I am allowed to go abroad)

Now the runaway option is totally canceled. It would be better if she came to Israel first: 1. because she has holidays now and she won't have to skip school. 2. I have a great plan of travel in store for us if she comes to Israel.

I called her yesterday. Her mom won't let her go to Israel, so I suggested that maybe I could talk to her mom through a webcam and convince her that I can be trusted. She said she'll talk to her mom about it.

Oh I love Angel's voice! O:) But our talks sound so serious and tense. We both speak English even though it is not our primary language. Still, we love talking. She is incredible! :)

Imagine yourself thinking about the perfect girl of your dreams everyday. Dreaming about the perfect relationship. Hundreds of perfect moments with the love of your life run in your head and fill your heart with extreme happiness. Just let this day come - once we meet each other, we would never be apart.

We know each other for a year and a half and we've never had any fights, even small ones. There she is, fully in love with me, an innocent Angel, never had a boyfriend, never had been kissed and I'm saving myself for her, staying away from girls ever since I've met her.

Few people would be able to comprehend the magnitude of our romance, the power of love that encircles us. It's like a fantasy, only a real one.

Half a year ago we both had hard periods in our lives. We messaged and called and missed each other so much. It made our relationship so strong - we wanted to runaway together and start a new life. But it would have been crazy and foolish to runaway just like that - she hasn't finished school, I haven't finished the army. If I runaway, I won't be able to go back to Israel without being sent to prison.

We had to wait patiently until the time is right for us to meet each other. Half a year passed by and soon, by God's will, I will meet my Angel, prove her that everything is possible and make our dream come true. Amen.

Tough days

4th July, 2004

Location: Adora settlement, West Bank.
Last night, me and Ido were patrolling for almost the whole night. Our guys (soldiers from my battery who currently serve with us in protecting Adora) had a barbecue and fried chips, but they didn't allow us to stay and wait until the food is ready - we had to start our patrol. Despite my radio request to inform us when it's ready so we could come and take our portions, they completely forgot about us and ate everything.

The citizens of Adora gathered around a campfire and made barbecue as well, but they didn't offer us any, although we were ordered to guard them (and drool in the process...)

Later, Oren, one of the soldiers, made us pancakes and scrambled eggs. Thanks! :) Even though I try to eat only healthy food, it's almost impossible to maintain any form of diet in the army, especially in the territories - where the food supply is very limited.

This morning, a Palestinian fired on one of our military trucks. The soldiers in the truck didn't respond and drove away instead. It happened on the road somewhere, a mile or two from here.

After guarding around 8 hours at night, sleeping 3 hours, cleaning "the villa" (that's how we call our settlement's 5-star barracks here, and it's literally a big villa house), cleaning the weapon, preparing for our morning's disciplinary (takes 2 hours) and eating nothing but a piece of bread with jam (we ran out of food supply), me and Ido were called to provide a reinforcement to the existing forces.

I only had to guard 30 minutes. Ido (who's also younger than me, in military terms) is stil there. I'm supposed to guard 8 hours again tonight and in addition be awake for 1.5 hours, in charge of the radio communications, listening and waking everyone up if something happens. If I don't collapse, I will become a lunatic - something that has happened to me tonight...

According to my teammates, I woke up at 2a.m. - 2 hours before my shift, sat on the bed and mumbled a few phrases in Russian, then I climbed down from my upper bed when Oren entered the room, finishing his patrol and asked me what I was doing, awake in the middle of the night and I said: "NEED TO PROTECT THE SETTLEMENT". This is the third time that during my military service that guys say I was talking in my sleep. But this time I was like LUNATIC! Gosh! Also - I normally don't snore, at least not before I was drafted, but now everyone tells me I snore very loudly every night! Some people kick my bed while I sleep so I'd stop snoring, others put ear plugs because of me. *sigh* I think I need a psychiatrist...

This morning Palestinian militants opened fire at an Israeli vehicle near Mavo Dotan - the Israeli driver was killed. Mavo Dotan and Hermesh are two nearby settlements that are located near Jenin and it's where me and my battery used to serve half a year ago. Some of my friends from the battery recognized this man from the picture in the newspaper. That's really sad...

You know, some people in the army have gray hair - they're only 18-21 years old and already have most of their head covered in gray hair. I really hope my hair will stay blonde just as it is.

In our barracks there are soldiers from my battery and some reservist soldiers (who have replaced the rookie soldiers from "Egoz" - the ones I mentioned in the previous post)

During my patrol this evening, I've noticed how 2 of these reservists knocked on somebody's door in the settlement. I wondered why... Later we were told that 2 men have robbed a woman whle pretending to be hungry soldiers. I confirmed that and told the commanders who they were. It appears that the two asked the woman for food, complaining that the army doesn't feed them. As the woman let them in, the two probably didn't even ask for her permission before reaching out for the refrigerator and stealing food.

Even though we are low on food most of the time, it is unacceptable for us, soldiers, to knock on people's doors, beg for food, or worse - grab it without permission from someone's refrigerator.

Tragic reality - Part 2 - Soldiers, Palestinians and Settlers

3rd July, 2004

During my patrol shift, I visited one of the key guarding spots. It looks like an army tent with a chair inside of it - it is located right beyond the backyard of Hazan's family. I don't know why there is a guarding post here... Maybe since there are no other places other than this one from which you could inspect the south-western part of Adora.
















The view from here reveals a deep valley, below the hill on which the settlement is located (settlements are all located on hills, surrounded by fence, overlooking Palestinian villages). In the valley below, there is a camp of either Bedouins or Palestinians, living in caves or outside, beneath a tin roof, covered by a century-old clothing. Sheep, donkeys and chicken are scattered around the camp. A few kids, a religiously dressed woman and some old men are what keeping this camp from looking completely abandoned.

No more than 300 feet away is where I stand, beyond the fence. Behind me there's a totally contradicting view - dozens of rich villas with pretty green gardens, cars, toys are scattered in the yard.
















Not long ago, one of the settlers gave me and the other soldier from my shift, a bottle of soft lemonade and a snack. "Give it to them. They need it more than me." - I thought to myself and looked at the camp again. The other soldier, Ido, would disagree with me. "I hate them. All of them. Give me one reason to like them." He says. Unfortunately, he's far not alone with that opinion. Hatred is within the souls of many people here and I can't understand them, nor can I convince them that hatred is wrong. If only these settlers aided their poor Palestinians neighbours, if only soldiers gave break to the shepherds who walk their sheep 300 ft away from the fence, surrounding the settlement - maybe then, only maybe, things would've been at least slightly different.
















How would they react to sudden kindness? If a settler went down there and gave them some food and drinks, put the differences aside and drank tea with them, would they meet him with stones or would they try to solve the matters in a diplomatic way? Or maybe their ideologies are so contradicting, that there can be no relationship between the two?

There were 2 guards standing at the entrance gate to Adora. Less than a year in the army, they were already so "poisoned" - "Egoz" - the elite unit of Golani's infatry corps. A car stopped on the road, 200 ft away from the gate. These 2 soldiers sprang to the gates, with their guns pointing at the man in the car, one of them shouted: "Why did you stop here? The guy from the car was talking on the cellphone. He went out of the car when suddenly one of the soldiers screamed: "DID I TELL YOU TO TALK ON THE PHONE?! PUT IT DOWN NOW!!!" still pointing their guns at the man. Then they told him to drive further, that he isn't allowed to stop here on the road. He was an Israeli Arab.

The commander of these two has heard the story and approved it. Not once had he shown his hatred towards Arabs, saying that all the Palestinian villages around the settlements should be dismantled and evacuated due to the dangers they impose on the settlers.

I've been right-winged once, but my opinion has changed the more I discovered about Israel and the Palestinians. I started looking at what WE (the Israelis) did wrong, instead of pointing the index finger at the "enemy" and blaming them for everything. I asked myself why they hate us, why they kill Israelis and who you define as "they". Of course Palestinians are wrong too, but we can't change them, we can't force them to change. Maybe if both sides judged themselves first and corrected their own mistakes, peace could be more achievable.

Some soldiers aren't humane as the army strives to be, the same goes for some of the settlers. All of this, is a source of hatred that was born from this tragical conflict, planting seeds for more and more hatred in this blood-stained land that eventually belongs to none. It belongs to the nature. It's just a piece of land - if there's peace it can be visited by anyone, it's a land where you could build your own home when your nation is at peace. One day it belonged to the Canaans, then to the Jews, then to the Babylonians, the Persians, the Greeks, the Romans, the Turks, the British. Can you really secure the land for thousands of years to come? It's not worth our lives, especially when all you wanna do is LIVE in this land.

I'm in peace with all of this world, I hate no one. I love this world and all the people in it and all I wanna do is to live peacefully and happily with my Angel!! Is that too much to ask?

Tragic reality - Part 1 - The bloody saturday

3rd July, 2004

There is a guarding post located in the southern part of Adora, in the backyard of the Hazan family - the father of the family was killed in a suicide bombing in 2002 in Jerusalem being 1 of the 5 victims, settlers of Adora. The other 4 were killed on 27th of April, 2002 when a squad of Palestinian militants managed to cut the fence and infiltrate the village.

The bloody saturday (Shabbath) of 27th April

Two gunmen, disguised as Israeli soldiers approached the settlement of Adora on Friday night, cut the fence and infiltrated the village. The two decided to carry out their mission in the morning - in the upper part of the settlement a new street was under construction. Villas were half built. The gunmen hid in one of the villas and spent the night there. There are still inscriptions in Arabic on the building's walls, although I don't know what they mean.















At 9a.m. in the morning, when most of the men were in synagogue or sleeping late, the terrorists carried out a house-to-house killing spree.

(the rest of the details have been quoted from http://www.ict.org.il/spotlight/det.cfm?id=771 in order to maintain accuracy)

Four residents were killed, including a five year-old girl, who was shot in the head from close range as she slept in her parents bedrooms. Seven people were injured, two critically.

Ya'acov Shefi, a policeman was attending prayers in the community's synagogue when he heard gunshots.

"It was close to nine in the morning; I heard gunshots but never dreamed it was an attack. Then I heard bursts of gunfire and became concerned. I raced toward my house and saw two people near the dining-room door - they wore army uniforms and flak jackets, and I asked them what had happened. They didn't answer and began shooting at me," he said.

Shefi ran from house to house, alerting residents that there were terrorists dressed as soldiers. At a neighbor's house he learned his daughter had been killed and his wife and two sons--aged two and four--wounded. "I saw my wife, Shiri, being carried out on a stretcher, and she called out 'they murdered our children,' " he said.

In another home, the terrorists burst into the second-story bedroom and shot a couple as they lay sleeping, killing the woman and critically injuring her husband. Their son was also shot and wounded in his bedroom.

Two additional residents were killed as they attempted to engage the gunmen. The terrorists fled back the way they had come.

Another source:

Anat Harari who was moderately wounded in the attack said that she at first thought it was Israeli soldiers - "They were only 1.5 meters away" She fled to the bathroom while the terrorists tried, unsuccessfully, to open the locked door.

The terrorists first entered Shefi's home and killed the 5 year old Danielle. Her two brothers, Uriel (2) and Eliad (4) were lightly injured and so was their mother Shir. The father, Yaakov, was at the synagogue during the attack.

The terrorists continued to the next house - Greenberg family. First they entered Nathan's room (14) and injured him moderately while he was in his sleep, then they climbed the stairs to the second floor and shot the couple in their bedroom - the wife, Kathya, was murdered. The husband, Vladimir, was heavily injured.

Outside Greenberg's house, the terrorists were confronted by the Israeli soldiers. In the exchange of fire, they've managed to kill one of the soldiers, Eric Bekker and injure another one. After the confrontation, the terrorists have successfully escaped the settlement.

As far as I know, at least 1 of the terrorists involved in the attack was killed by IDF later.

Love is the key to happiness

2nd July, 2004

There are so many guys everywhere who see girls simply as sex objects. When guys talk about their sexual experiences with their friends, they often sound as if they're talking about their owned property, things that if their girlfriends had heard them, they would have probably be deeply insulted.

For example: One of the soldiers in my room had been talking with his girlfriend. He has been 2 weeks in the army and was supposed to be released the next day. "What?! You can't do this to me." After the conversation he turned to his friends and said: "The bitch is having a period. I can't believe she's doing that to me!" As if it's her fault...

I've been thinking about my Angel. I know for certain that I would never find anyone as great as her. She's greater than a girl could ever be. Everytime I think about her, all my worries disappear and there's only one thought that comes up to my mind: "I don't care about anything in the whole world, as long as Angel is with me. Let the world end, the sun freeze, let me lose everything, I won't care because I have Angel - she is all my world. No matter how hard it is for me in the army, no matter how lonely I be, nothing can make me sad and unhappy because I have someone who loves me - 1 person who makes up for all the suffering and sadness that I experience everyday. You don't need to have the whole world, all you need is 1 special person who'll love you and whom you'll love. There is your heaven."

Love can make you happy, and love can ruin your world. The more you're in love, the more dangerous is the game that you're playing... You may get high up in the clouds out of extreme happiness but you may also get your heart broken in a way that may eventually end your life. But if love is balanced and is very solid, the chances are that you won't break up or even fight.

Fallen victims of hatred and politics - The war in Lebanon

I should put my diary aside for a while and write about my military service later. I thought perhaps I should share my thoughts about the ongoing war between Hezbollah and Israel...

I've read several blogs and have been active in forums (topix.net) and I was glad to see that there are so many good people all around the world who are smart enough to understand the situation in the middle east, to see the truth amidst the lies, to rationalize and put anger & hatred aside.

The Lebanese and the Israeli people have a lot in common. Both sides want peace. Both sides suffer from the outcome of this war. (Although more Lebanese civilians get killed than Israeli) Many here may disagree, but Israelis express deep regret regarding the civilian deaths in Lebanon. We're all human beings, death of innocent people is tragic for all of us. I wish there was a way to prevent innocent people from dying, if only Hezbollah didn't operate within civilian houses...

To all the Lebanese citizens and the Northern Israeli citizens, I pray for your safety. Please take care of yourselves, and your families.

To all the injured civilians on both sides - I pray for your fast recovery.

To all the families who have lost their loved ones, I grieve over your tragic loss. It is incomprehensible. Let us pray that they're in a better place, a safe one and a peaceful one.

To everyone who reads this: Whoever you are, whatever your point of view on this war is, whether you agree with my opinion or not, let us all agree on one thing: There shall be no room for hatred in this world. Hatred includes racism, anti-semitism, anti-Islamism and so on. Hatred leads to wars, to injustice and to ruthless killing. Whatever we do or say, let it come from our rational thinking rather than from our anger and despisal. We're all equal human beings in this world. Although we may have different points of view, we all want peace. The only people who don't want peace are people who hate. So let us not hate and let our children not know what hatred is. Amen.

Let me finish with an optimistic suggestion on ending this war:
Once the Lebanese get enough courage to fight Hezbollah, Israel would withdraw its Army and cease fire. Instead, it would help the Lebanese - it would give them weapons and money. Then Lebanon would see what are Israel's true intentions. ;)

Gathering my thoughts

29th June, 2004

Before the army, I never really bothered reading books. I considered it a waste of time. One day I was sent to our battalion's base to guard there for a week or so. "Get yourself a book, it's boring out here", said one of my teammates on the phone when I was on my way to the base. You guard 4 hours and the rest 8. During these 8 hours you either sleep or do... nothing. People get bored easily, therefore books are a good, efficient way of spending free time. I decided to follow his advice and bought Michael Crichton's "Timeline" - I got carried away - it was the first time I didn't look at the page number while reading, or said something like: "one more page and that's it!".

Lately, I've been thinking about how I'm gonna spend time in the army in a productive way. It would be a good idea to study, read books, train my muscles - I've got 2 years to serve. That way, after I finish the army, I will feel that I've done something during my military service that contributed to my life.

This afternoon I was transferred to the settlement of Adora. My team is here.

My mom said that August flights are fully booked, but that I can be added to the waiting list. Meanwhile, I'll ask my commander about the possibility of flying to Germany. He'll find out if it can be authorized.

Tonight my Angel replied to my SMS even thought she wasn't allowed to. She said she can't live without writing me and that she would do anything to meet me this summer!

Earlier today, the electric fence surrounding the settlement has triggered the alarm. We had to put on our equipment (I had to wear MK77 - a heavy radio (12kg's) on my back) and run uphill about a kilometer in the heat of the sun. As usual, it was a false alarm - even a bird that touches the fence would trigger the alarm. That's why everybody calls it a "Smart-dumb alarm system". I guess I didn't sweat that much since the first days in the army, the days when you undergo basic training. Hope it won't happen again.

Dreams are meant to come true - The Beginning

28th June, 2004

I'm in the middle of my guarding duty in a watchtower located in northern Telem - a settlement in the West Bank, near Hebron. I'm spending my time thinking about my angel and about our upcoming week together, how to convince her mom to let her daughter go?

(I've been planning to finally meet Angel, after a year and a half of having internet relations, sms exchanging and rare phone calling... soon I will have a regila - a week long vacation during which I hope she'll be able to come. Because she's 17 years old, she has to get her mother's approval, which is currently the main problem because her mom won't let her daughter go to a foreign country alone, to a dangerous place to meet a 18 year old stranger who can be deceiving her on the Internet. It's a reasonable decision, any sane mom would do the same in her place.)

I don't want Angel to choose between me and her mom, or more precisely, to choose me and disappoint her mom. The runaway option (runaway from the army to Germany), although being a true alternative, has never been the primary solution and is definitely does not offer positive outcomes. I have 17 more days before I come home again - over 150 hours of guarding and planning.
While in the army, especially while on duty, I can't set my mind off my Angel. It is obvious that while the army causes depression and sadness within me, thoughts of my Angel bring back happiness, hope and ambition. In some cases, it feels like thinking of heaven while being in hell. In other cases though, when the air is clear and a breeze blows into your face, when a beautiful view opens up in front of you, you feel like you're in heaven... a heaven that lacks 2 of its most essential features: Angel's presence, and freedom. Without them, it's just an illusion, or perhaps - a vision, giving you the idea and the feeling of what's it going to be like, after the military service.

I came home on Thursday at 5:30pm and came back to the army on Saturday night. After 18.5 days I'll come home again... At home, I mostly watch movies with my mom and play PC games, surfing the Internet and chatting with my great girlfriend as often and as much as it is possible. It's incredibly great to be at home and incredibly sad whenever a thought crosses your mind: "soon I'll have to go back to the army and not see home for a looong time". At least that way you really learn to appreciate what you have, value your home and your freedom.

I'd write and fill the whole diary with praises to Angel, saying for billions of times over and over again how much I love her, but words would never be able to describe the strength of my love to her.

Tonight my mom called me and told me some good news: A high ranked officer who is a friend of hers had said that any soldier who served over a year in the army can fly abroad during his regila. "If anyone gives you trouble with that, go to the City's Officer." (It's a military office for soldiers to complain to while on vacation. Usually soldiers go there to fake illnesses and get extra vacation days.) :) Hopefully...

3 more days and I'll be able to receive e-mails from Angel. Her mom doesn't allow her to SMS anymore due to high phone bills. -.- I want to try the mobile phone's chat service and chat with her, depending on the price.

Prologue - A short biographical background

I was born in former USSR in 1985. In January 1991, after the collapse of the Soviet Union (its borders became open for immigration) my whole family moved to Israel.

I grew up in a small town located in the southern part of Israel. After 10 years (Dec 2000), following my parents' divorce, I moved with my mom and my brother to Tel-Aviv, where I graduated in 2003.

The same year, just 2 weeks after I turned 18, I was drafted into the military service.

I maintained an online contact with a girl (we'll refer to her here as "Angel") from Germany. Throughout the year, despite the distance, our relationship had suddenly become serious and thus we decided that no matter what, we'll meet each other and be together. (What may seem to many as a pointless and impossible relationship would later prove to be a romantic love story with a lesson for all.)

The army soon became an obstacle. I hoped to either skip the military service, hoping to meet her earlier (skipping the army would have cost me a month or two in a military jail, which isn't suitable to me at all, besides Angel was against it, she didn't want me sitting in jail) but then decided against it.

If not skipping the army, then at least serving where I wouldn't regret spending 3 years of my life... That would be... computers... something with computers. Unfortunately (or perhaps eventually fortunately), my request was rejected. The army saw me fit to serve as a combat soldier in an Artillery battalion. At first I refused as I was told by my friends that stubbornness on the drafting day can eventually get me to where I desire to be, but after a day in a detention cell (a punishment for refusing a command to draft to the Artillery training base) I changed my mind and obeyed.

The basic training ("Tironut") was really hard for me. It was still a period when soldiers in "Shivta" (the name of the training base) had to carry Galil weapons - long and heavy pieces of iron assault rifles. After 2 months of basic training I gave up on trying to actively drop out of the training as a combat soldier, but continued to hope that my fate would eventually get me where I want.

I feared serving in the territories. Long before the army, I had a terrible nightmare of me parting with all my relatives and going to the army to never come back again. For some reason I feared this nightmare as if it were some kind of a prophecy. Since then I decided to avoid the army at all costs... but here I am, serving as a combat soldier in the territories...

It seems that the army knows better than us where it's most suitable for us to serve. Looking back, I don't regret having served in an Artillery battery, as both an Artillery soldier and a standard infantry soldier in the territories. I've served in all parts of Israel, on all borders - Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon and Syria. I've learned a lot from my experience and the experience of other soldiers, I've visited many new places in Israel where I have never been, where I would have never visited, I've met a lot of good people (and bad people as well) and despite all the difficulties of being a combat soldier, despite missing home for weeks, I am proud I have gone through it like a man.

Let me conclude the prologue...

August 2003 - 4 months of basic training in the Negev desert
December 2003 - Advanced Artillery training in the Golan Heights
January 2004 - Hermesh settlement protection & motorized patrols in the region (Near Jenin)
End of January - 2 months of protecting the Maccabim area (The town of Maccabim-Reut, route 443, Beit Sira and Beit Likya)
March 2004 - Joined the A battery as a fresh soldier. (After 8 months, you either join a battery of "senior soldiers" or take a commander's course of 4 months, after which you become an Artillery team commander. I didn't want no responsibility for the lives and fates of other people and decided to try joining the A battery. A battery consists of mostly nice and shy soldiers. B battery consists mostly of hooligans and troublemakers)
In the A battery I served in the area of Rantis. (near the town of Halamish, village of Budrus, during the fence construction there)
April 2004 - Took a 40-day commander's course with infantry soldiers (It's a different course which gives you the skills but in the Artillery corps, it's worth nothing... They hoped I would continue and take an officer's course, I passed the exams but refused, it wasn't obligatory. I didn't want to become an officer because officers have to serve at least 4 years... 3 years was long enough for me)
June 2004 - I got back to the battery as a regular soldier and after an Artillery training in the north, we were assigned near Hebron. (Hebron, Halhoul, the settlements of Telem and Adora) That's where I started writing the diary...

My next post begins with my first diary entry as a combat soldier in the area of Hebron. My experiences, my personal life, the way Palestinians live and the way the soldiers live and the consequences of the siege that was laid on Hebron when a suicide bomber from Hebron exploded in the southern city of Beer Sheva...