My first days in the territories

I'd like to write a chapter which was not documented in my diary. (since I started writing it only in June 2004)

Even though I did not document it, I remember everything as if it was only yesterday...

When I was still in the mid stages of Basic Training, Eitan, one of my teammates told us he'd found out what is planned for us in Advanced Training - apart from a month-long artillery exercise, we'll be sent to Shaked. It's a sector located close to Jenin - One of the least peaceful places in the West Bank.

He was excited, eager for some action and I was troubled, hoping that he was wrong.

What's it like out there? How safe is it? What if I get shot? Will I actually be able to shoot and kill someone in defense?? I wouldn't want to find out in the last minute that I'm not capable of pulling the trigger.

At first I didn't believe Eitan, thinking that it's unlikely considering our lack of experience, but when we reached Advanced Training a couple of months later, turned out he was right...

7th January, 2004

After a few days of combat training we were taken to Shaked. We crossed the roadblock of Baka Al Gharabiya, where the wall is already finished and proceeded to a settlement called Mavo Dotan. Under heavy rain, we all gathered inside an abandoned warehouse where we'd been briefed.

Our "C" battery commander during Advanced Training was Nitzani. For some reason, I used to admire him. He looked like he deserve some respect.

I remember sitting in his office during acquaintance, telling him about myself, about Angel and my intentions to fly to Germany after I'll be 1 year in the army. He told me it's highly unlikely... that he himself had barely succeeded at visiting France, considering the fact that he's first lieutenant in rank and thus is more privileged than me.

Thank God he was wrong! =)

His briefing in the warehouse will be remembered for many years by everyone who attended it. It was something like this:
"You are gathered here to take part in a very dangerous and important mission....." "....It's going to be very hard for all of you. You will guard day and night. You mustn't dare to fall asleep, BUT I know that you WILL FALL ASLEEP! And when you wake up and find your friend lying dead, it will all be your responsibility!"

After the briefing everyone was like: "What was that all about?"

The first platoon remained in Mavo Dotan. The second platoon was taken to a nearby settlement called Hermesh (Scythe, in Hebrew). I was in the 2nd platoon.

A middle-sized hall in the centre of the settlement became our barracks. The settlement's "mayor" had given us a tour around the place.

He showed us the place where a Palestinian gunman had infiltrated the settlement a bit over a year ago and killed three people. There's a guarding post there now, code-named "Blue". Back then it was just a fence.

The terrorist had cut the fence and entered the settlement. He approached the houses and saw two 14 year old girls sitting on the porch (Linoi Sarusi and Hadas Turjeman). He shot and killed them both. Then he entered one of the opposite houses and shot the couple that was inside. The wife, Orna was killed. The husband was injured.

At that moment, soldiers arrived at the place and killed the gunman. It was too late, however, as the damage had already been done.

There's a monument at the entrance to Hermesh that commemorates the lives of Orna, Linoi and Hadas.

Gray clouds and endless rain had provided us with a depressing atmosphere in the days to come.

* * * * *

The conditions in Hermesh were awful. We were so few that we had to replace each other - guard 4 hours, rest 4 hours and then guard 4 hours again. But we didn't really rest 4 hours... Since it was part of Advanced Training, we had combat exercises, study and sports during those "free" hours.

We only had a few hours of sleep what made guarding at night even harder for us, despite the hot tea we took with us.

One of the guarding posts was located on top of an abandoned villa that was built by a very rich and somewhat famous artist whose name I never cared to memorize. There was a tent erected on the roof of the unfinished building. My officer brought some advanced night vision equipment up there.

The tent apparently wasn't stable enough considering the windy and rainy weather of January. We'd be awaken at night several times just to go and help reinforce the tent.

After a few days I started having hallucinations. I was guarding at "Blue" and whenever I was looking down at the rocks, I would see large human skulls instead of rocks. It was creepy.

I'd never fallen asleep on duty before, having a relatively good discipline and control of myself. I wouldn't want to compromise my home vacation, especially in a place like this. Yet it seemed that I've dozed off, because when I looked at the clock a few minutes later, I found out that 2 hours have passed unnoticed.

The terrible weather, the limited food and the lack of sleep were probably the main reasons that I got sick and had a high temperature.

It didn't help me get out of this place, though. Whether it was my fault for not complaining enough, or maybe many others were sick as well. We didn't have enough manpower. I just prayed to be the next in line to be released home.

5-6 soldiers from our platoon were released home in the beginning of the week and on the weekend. It was absolutely random. I could see the tall building of Tel Aviv from the rooftop of the abandoned villa. They seemed to be just beyond the hill. Tel Aviv had never looked like paradise the way it did back then...

I wasn't on the list when the first 5-6 soldiers were released home on the first weekend. I hoped I'd be released on Sunday then...

Apart from settlement guarding, there's also an escorting jeep. The cititens of Mavo Dotan and Hermesh cannot leave the settlement without a military escort. If they plan to leave, they have to call the jeep, like they would a taxi and ask for an escort. Sometimes they'd have to wait 5-10 minutes at the entrance gate. Upset by the poor services of the army, some would drive away without an escort on their own risk. (2 people were attacked on the road and killed in 2004 and 2005. 1 from Mavo Dotan, the other from Hermesh) I've had the luck of being assigned on the jeep for one time. Why luck? Because it's 8 hours of jeep patrols and 8 hours of rest. During our night patrol, we stopped at the Shaked settlement and my officer went out and talked with some settler at the entrance gate. The settler was criticizing the army for not doing enough for the settlers, for being too easy on Palestinians.

Not only that we're here, risking our lives and wasting our time to protect them, but they also dare to tell us that we're not doing good enough?!

* * * * *

In one of the mornings, our commanders woke everyone up. I wasn't asleep as I just returned from a guarding duty. It was our lieutenant, 2nd in place after Nitzani. 2nd's in place are usually responsible for battery's safety. He came to talk to us about a violation of rules, about playing with weapons. "Who's the idiot this time and what has he done?" someone mumbled.

The officer spoke: "This morning, your battery commander had committed a serious violation!" (WHAT?!?!?!) "...He loaded his weapon and aimed at his driver. Such behavior cannot be tolerated. He is on his way to be tried... As of now, I am your battery's commander, at least temporarily." Everyone was shocked!

The story was in the newspapers a few days later. Here's how it happened:
Nitzani used to talk about the suffering of Palestinians with his jeep squad. Their replies to his leftist views were somewhat disrespectful. One time he saw a couple of Palestinian kids doing something on a big pile of garbage. He later said something like: "Did you see those poor kids. Imagine how hard it is for them to live like this." the driver replied something which made Nitzani lose control. He loaded his weapon and aimed at the driver for a couple of seconds, then he got a grip of himself, went out and unloaded the gun. He said he was sorry, but the driver felt the need to tell the others about the incident.

Nitzani was tried, had his rank lowered/delayed and was reassigned to a training base in the Negev.

* * * * *

There was a club in Hermesh. There were a few old computers, a billiard table that was always occupied and among few other things there was a PS2 stand!

Me and my friend Sharon figured it could be a great way to spend our free time in this place and perhaps get our motivation back. But things weren't that simple...

This club belonged to the settlement. There were kids who were at the club all day long during its operating hours. The club owner would give some kids the keys so they could be the first to occupy the billiard table and the PS2.

Asking nicely didn't help us either. "Can you let us play after you finish?" "No." "Look, you can come here anytime you like, but we have to guard in an hour." "I don't care." "Don't you have any sympathy for soldiers who are here to protect you and your family 24/7?" "There were soldiers before you and there will be soldiers after you, so it doesn't matter."

The other day we've managed to find the PS2 unoccupied, but I had to guard in 20 minutes. Sharon showed me a game he brought with him (he was released home on the weekend). It was Final Fantasy X. When he showed me that game, in less than 20 minutes he'd convinced me to get myself a PS2... Well, a year and a half later.

The following day, we came to the club with the guys the moment it opened. We asked for the PS2, but the boy said: "Look, we - the town's citizens are a priority here in this club. I can do here whatever I want." Well, he's right, but that's just rude.
"I will leave tomorrow for 2 weeks, then you can play all you like."

The next day when I finished guarding, I thought I'd have around 3 free hours on that PS2 to finally relax and enjoy the time in this cursed settlement. It was just about half an hour before the club opened when the alarm sounded.

We were all called back to the barracks and told that there are 2 gunmen on their way here! The officer gave us orders. We were all spread around the settlement, each given a certain sector to patrol in. After a while it started raining.

Our new battery commander came and started firing lighting shells into the sky. Helicopters were circling around.

A couple of hours later, we were relieved, but then I had to guard again!

Like always, a few hours later we knew all the details of what had happened - two Palestinian gunmen were on their way here but they fled back to their villages and dropped their AK47s when they saw the flare and the helicopters in the sky. Someone from the village had warned the Israeli intelligence of their plans. They were later caught by IDF.

Other events involved a gunman shooting at the "mayor" of Sa-Nur settlement and shooting at our commander's AV jeep. No one was injured and the gunmen have managed to escape.

When Sunday came, it turned out I wasn't on the list either. Okay! Then I was definitely going to be released on Thursday, right?! Wrong!

My officer came to me and told me I was going to guard at our home base in the Golan Heights for a few days. I'd be released home from there, he promised. I was happy! I was finally getting out of this place! At least for a while... Nobody knew how long we'd be staying here.

I was replacing one of my team mates at the base. When I called him on the phone he said I should get myself some books on my way there, because it gets really boring - you guard 4 hours and rest 8 hours, 4/8. There are no commanders to tell us to clean, study or train.

So I bought a book. It was Michael Crichton's Timeline. Before that, I wasn't much of a reader, but from that moment on everything's changed. I was reading at every possible moment, trying to spend time more efficiently. I've never been so addicted to reading a book before. It really surprised me!

Getting home on Sunday was the main thing on my mind. It's been 14 days and everybody's been released home in one day or another, except me. But this time it was Hezbollah who stole my vacation! A few katyushas landed in the northern border, fired by Hezbollah had triggered a sudden change of plans. The battery was replaced by other forces in the Shaked sector and we were called up to assist in the northern border.

While my whole battery was moving everything from one place to another, I was guarding at the home base, hoping it would all be back to normal as soon as possible. After 2 days it was... Since we've already been replace in Shaked, we were reassigned to... Maccabim. They packed and moved everything again while I was enjoying my 8 hours of rest every day and night.

Finally, after 18 days, half of which were a real nightmare, I was replaced and released home. When I got back from home to our new base in Maccabim, I found out that my team's been released as well. That means that they were home for the second time, that they simply skipped my previous vacation.

Asking for an extra vacation at home was futile. My commander kept saying: "The army doesn't owe you anything!"

At least I'm glad that the nightmare of Hermesh is now over. I don't know how we'd have survived a few more weeks out there. People started to go crazy! I sure hope that we won't have to get back there again.

Sudden changes are rarely a good thing

11th November, 2004

"We're moving to Jericho, Arafat died today at 4:30am."

...and so we were brought back to our home base to pack our things before departing to Jericho.

Before reaching my room, Yoav approached me and said: "If the rumours are correct, I congratulate you!". I wasn't sure if his smile indicated him being cynical.

"Huh? What rumours?"
"You're taking my rifle."
"What?!"

Most soldiers have regular short M16s, better known as M4 Carbines. They only weigh ~2Kgs(4.4 pounds).

Yoav has an M16-A3 rifle which is intended for platoon's marksman. A limited number of soldiers in the battery receives M16-A3s and M16 grenade launchers. While soldiers with these weapons are most likely to be chosen to commit arrests, go on night patrols and such, these weapons are considered to be clumsy and heavy. This is a big disadvantage, because you carry the weapon anywhere you go. You also sign for more equipment (A3 night vision scope, a regular scope, a few grenades etc..) and if you dare losing it, you'll end up paying a lot of money from your own pocket.

Very few soldiers prefer to own those weapons. That's also why they're usually given to juniors who've just joined the battery.

I don't care much about what kind of weapon I get to carry, as long as it's light and comfortable. But this weapon is far from being light OR comfortable!

But the rumours were true... Yoav's joining the battery's HQ team as a 2nd caretaker. He'll get a regular weapon... but why choose me as his replacement? There are a dozen of younger soldiers from November '03 and soon soldiers from March '04 are going to join the battery.

Matan promised me he'll do his best to make sure I'll get rid of this weapon. I really hope so.

For now, I'll have to get used to carrying it around. The battery will send me on a 2-day marksmen course next week, when we'll all be training at a training base in the center.

Before assuming control of a certain sector in the territories, the battalion has to train a few days/weeks at one of the training bases, where soldiers imrpove their various military skills and get in shape.

After the weekend in Jericho, we'll spend a few days at a training base. Then we'll move to Qalqiliya... When we get there, two teams will be released home. It's probably going to be my team and 2C, because by then it'd be 3 weeks since the last time that we were home. But nothing is certain, and our schedule is always dynamic.

12th November, 2004

Today's the ceremony of Arafat's burial. At 4pm we were taken to a roadblock located at the entrance to Jericho. For around 8 hours buses kept going in and out of the city, full of Palestinian citizens who were coming back from Ramallah.














































The guard tower was full of annoying mosquitos and the base was crawling with restless flies. Where do they all come from?

13th November, 2004

We had some good sleep this Friday night.

This morning we were told that the threat level is down again and that all our missions were cancelled. Great!

We were also told that we'll receive an "after" (Up to 24 hours of vacation), but apparently there was a misunderstanding between the bus company and the battery, so we ended up waiting until the evening when our Lieutenant gathered us all for an update: "the bus is stuck and it is unclear whether it'll arrive this evening or not. Due to the late hour, only those who live in the cities of Tel Aviv and Jerusalem can get on that bus (Public transportation doesn't operate at nights), IF it arrives."

We've already packed everything and loaded all the equipment on the trucks, ready to leave tomorrow morning to the training base.

A moment later there were more bad news to come - The officers have decided that my team's not gonna get home the following weekend, but only the next one. That means that I'll be stuck in the army for a total of... 25 days!!! No way! I HAVE to get home!

The bus did not arrive. Fortunately for us, the Lieutenant was nice enough to let us take the public bus to Jerusalem. I got home at 1am.

14th November, 2004

We had to get to Kiryat Gat by 2pm. I checked the departure time of trains... The train leaves Tel Aviv at 9:15, 10:15, 11:15, 12:15... 14:15. No 13:15!!

I was almost late to the train of 12:15, so I decided to take a minibus-cab to get there faster. When I wanted to pay the driver, I realized that I didn't have enough money on me. I had no other choice but ask the other passengers if they could give me a couple of NIS to pay the ride. I felt really uncomfortable, dressed as a soldier and asking for money...

* * * * *I joined the battery at the training base. I was supposed to start the marksmen course and train separately from my battery, but they there were no instructors available for the course and so I joined the battery for the regular training.

As usual, a week before new March '04 soldiers are supposed to join the battery, a few soldiers who finished the commanders course join the battery as new commanders. They are... Ido! The same guy who was in my team, patrolling with me in Adorra is now a commander in the battery. He's not my direct commander, lucky for me! He's the commander of 2C. I don't like his character much.

Another commander who's joined our battery is... a female soldier from Nov '03! Her name is Ravit.

When she was still a regular soldier, everybody's been talking about her in the battalion. I was like: "who the hell are you talking about all the time? what is she, a goddess or something?"

Then one day I had a day at the kitchen with her and I realized what they were talking about. Dark-blonde curly hair, green eyes, beautiful face... and well-behaved. She reminds me a bit of Jasmin Wagner.

I was told that her first commander in the army was a guy who asked her out in Eilat, back when she was still a regular citizen. She said "No".

There were also 3 new officers in the battery now. Idan was promoted to be 2nd in command (after the battery's commander). Yair, my platoon's officer, was replaced by Michael and Raleb was replaced by Oded.

* * * * *
We've been practicing for two days and I haven't missed a single target... But that's no wonder because with I have a x4 scope attached to the A3 and I shoot at a 25 meter shooting range like everyone else.

16th November, 2004

I haven't received any message from Angel lately. We talked a bit during the "after" 2 days ago. She explained that her cellphone's SMS messaging service doesn't work anymore, for some reason. She told me she's been depressed again... She and Sarah are no longer friends. Angel told Sarah of all her problems, Sarah tried to help her but then followed her mother's advice and decided to cut any contact with Angel.

"What problems are you having, honey? Can you share them with me?"

She told me she gets depressed very often, that she hates herself... and that before and after we'd met.. she used to cut herself!

Oh my... poor Angel. There seem to be so many things I don't know about her. Now I really worry about her... I wish I could help her, but how? Perhaps I should talk to her more often, I don't know.

"Don't worry. Friends always fight, but they eventually forgive one another and become friends again. It's just temporary."

I love her no matter what!!!

Tomorrow we're moving to Qalqiliya...

Rule #1 - Nothing is certain

29th October, 2004

I've finally managed to chat with Angel today. She's so great! :) My mom made a framed picture of me and Angel together. When I look at it, I see over and over again how great we look together. Undoubtedly, she's the one for me! I can't imagine how great will be our meeting in April!

1st November, 2004

It's been decided that most of our battery won't go home on the following weekend. Instead, we'll be assigned to various places around Hebron with the main objective of protecting Rachel's tomb during Jewish prayers.

I was in the kitchen the whole day today. It was the worst day at the kitchen that I've ever had! The whole battalion is here at the base with us (At the Golan Heights) and there is so much cleaning to do. I thought I wouldn't survive this day, but then came Shlomi and volunteered to help us. He worked so fast and cheered us all up the way he always does.

Shlomi is a great guy. He's funny and he always volunteers to help everyone. Sometimes commanders try to talk him out of it, telling him the juniors can manage it all by themselves, but he insists on helping everyone anyway.

This morning, the cook didn't let our whole battery enter the dining room, because our commanders didn't bring any junior soldiers from our battery to work in the kitchen. There's a lot of bureaucracy going on in the battalion and this is just a basic example.

2nd November, 2004

The same thing happened this morning, and even after our commanders selected a few soldiers and sent them in, the cook still didn't let us in because they were late!

This evening we had a trivia in one of the study rooms. Each team had to have 1 volunteer to participate in the trivia. I was chosen to represent my team.

The rules were simple: each round we were asked a few true/false questions, the one who made the most mistakes was kicked out of the game. If there's a draw, the audience votes who should be gone.

I'm always nervous when I have to face a large audience, when everyone's attention is directed straight at me. I was afraid to embarass myself by not knowing a simple question...

The first round was pretty easy one and I answered all the questions correctly.

On the 2nd round I was asked a really stupid, a trivial question which made everyone laugh, even the host of the game. I'd have laughed as well, had I understood the question correctly.

I heard something like that: "Using the military coded (radio) language does "Gibush K..." mean Gurei Klavim (Puppy Dogs)". As everyone laughed and the answer seemed obvious to everyone but me, people started shouting "yes! yes!" Were they being cynical or just stating the obvious, I couldn't tell.

Instead of asking the host to repeat the question, being too nervous to think straight I answered: "yes". Suddenly, everyone burst into a loud laughter. The commanders, the officers, all the soldiers - everybody laughed at my answer! I felt like it was just a terrible nightmare, hoping it would end soon.

Then everyone voted for kicking me out of the game. Matan asked me to come to him. He sat in front of the whole crowd along with all the other commanders. When I approached him, he gave me a slap in the back of my neck as a sign for stupidity. That was the peak of my embarassment. I felt like everybody kept looking at me and laughing.

I hoped it would be quickly forgotten and so I tried to keep my mood up, but after the game was over, whoever talked to me that day had asked me: "what's wrong with you?" "how could you answer that?" "Puppy dogs?! Hahaha!!". If that keeps up, tomorrow the whole battalion will hear about it or even worse.

Huh? Is it really that funny?! Nope. Luckily, everyone forgot about it within a few days.

One of the guys later told me what the real question was. Then I realized how awfully simple it was! Of course I knew the answer. I just didn't hear the question properly. Doesn't matter anymore.

I was told this morning that 2 teams including my team will go home this weekend, but Matan said that 2 soldiers from our team will have to stay and guard at a northern base, where our artillery pieces are being kept in case of emergency.

All but 3 soldiers on my team have already been there in the last few weeks. I was one of those 3. Ronen volunteered to stay so it was now either me or Nitzan. One of us will go home, the other will stay the weekend to guard the artillery equipment.

I want to use this weekend to finally visit my dad. I haven't seen him in months. I also want to see an old friend of mine from school, he's finally released home at the same time that I'm abotu to... But I'm not the only one who has plans. Nitzan wants to get home as badly as I do. He wants to attend his friend's birthday party. "You can see your dad the next time you get home, but I don't wanna miss my friend's birthday party". He has a point.

At first we wanted to flip a coin... but then I decided to give it up and let him go home. I didn't want to go home knowing that I've taken someone else's place and caused his disappointment and frustration.

If I stay, I'll be the last one on the list the next time someone will have to stay. Besides, new junior soldiers are about to finish their advanced training and join our battery. Juniors are always the first on the list.

So I'll stay the weekend and then next week's supposed to be an easy one for us - 3 days of educational trip, a day of organizing things and then home.

3rd November, 2004

I found out that whoever guards at the northern base, is supposed to stay there for the whole week, so I'll miss the trip... but it's okay, really - things here aren't so bad after all - we guard here for 3 hours and rest for 6. There are no commanders and we're free from any kind of tasks, including room cleaning or kitchen work. We're just 3 soldiers in the middle of a tiny base that belongs to Anti-Aircraft corps. Our artillery is temporarily stored here and all we have to do here is make sure nobody steals anything from our artillery equipment.

(Many soldiers from my battery who've been assigned here didn't even bother to go down to the garage and guard the equipment! That lack of responsibility resulted in theft of over 100,000 NIS worth of equipment. Our battery commander had conducted an investigation afterwards, but no one admitted anything. A collective punishment was planned but had never been given. How naive could these commanders be? They should've sent a commander to make sure we all do our job.)

A few engineers from our battalion came here to work on the artillery. They asked for our help. When we refused, they threatened to file a complaint against us. We eventually helped them. It was only a 1/2 hour work.

That's how things always work in IDF - combat soldiers do everything they're told. We work in the kitchen, in the gardens, we paint rooms, we clean toilets, we fix machinery, we carry heavy ammunition and all kinds of equipment from one place to another, etc etc. In other words, we're very useful and disciplined military tools. The rest just do their one, specific job: the cooks only cook food and give us orders in the kitchen, the engineers only work on machinery and give us orders so we could help them and so on...

Guys from AA corps asked us to come and help them work in the kitchen. "We know you barely do anything here, yet you eat in our kitchen. All we ask you is to help us just once for a little while." I convinced Assi to go with me and help, but after 5 minutes he disappeared and I ended up helping them by myself.

9th November, 2004

Arafat is 99% dead. He's been in critical condition for almost a week. I just hope he doesn't die exactly when I'm to be released home (11th).

Things are going quite well around here. I never get bored and time passes by real fast. We have newspapers, books and Sat TV (which is almost always occupied by local soldiers). I also started writing a game storyline and a novel. Writing is really the best way to spend time while guarding.

10th Novermber, 2004

This morning we had some work to do. It actually started yesterday. Some soldiers came from our home base to help. We've been unloading shells and explosives cylinders from all the artillery pieces, just so our Lieutenant could look at their captions and see if they belong to the right series, according to new "warfare regulations". It was so much work. We've managed to finish half of it in 2 days.

There were rumours going on that we won't be released home the following weekend, instead we'd go on a mission near Jericho, and that Arafat is already dead. Is it true or not? You always find out at the last minute!

Matan told us we'll be replaced tomorrow by other soldiers and that we'll go home from here in the morning. I've missed today's battalion evening party in Tiberias just like I've missed their 3-day trip in the beginning of the week, but what I really don't want to miss is my tomorrow's home vacation...

11th November, 2004

Yotam, a commander from the second platoon, woke us up at 9 a.m.
He said he'd come to take us to our home base, that we're replaced by 3 other soldiers.

"Why there? We aren't going home?!"

He replied: "We're moving to Jericho now, Arafat died today at 4.30 a.m."

Just like I said - at the last minute. You always find out at the last minute!

The last, long days of October

22nd October, 2004

It's my team's turn to go home next week for 6 days, but it's been decided that we'll only have 1.5 days of vacation because by the end of next week we finish our duty in this place and move to our home base in the Golan heights to reorganize before our next mission.

We're going to be here for exactly 1 month in total. Every week 2 teams are released home for 6 days. We've never been released home for 6 days in a row before, but since we're here for just a month, each one of us will get only one, long vacation anyway. Except my team. We'll go home with everyone else next weekend for 1.5 days.

I called Angel this evening. Oh how happy I was to hear her magical voice once again!

After some talking, I asked her a few questions: "So, did you get used to it? ...being bisexual?" "yeah" "What do you think is going to happen to our relationship? Is it going to change in some way?" "I don't know" "I'm not talking about Anna. I'm talking about bisexuality. Anytime during our relationship you could fall in love with some girl.." "it can happen in any relationship" "yes, but I thought that I'm your one & only. If it's true love, how come you love Anna as well? Do you love us both equally?" "no, I like Anna a bit, but I'm not in love with her the way I am with you." (the quotes aren't absolutely accurate, but their content is.)

I asked her: "what if you fall in love with some girl? can it happen and will it affect our relationship?" "I don't know" "Is it possible that you'll love some girl more than you currently love me?" "I don't know".

Of course she doesn't know. How can I expect her to know such things? I guess I'm just worried. I'm afraid to wake up one day and realize that she's gone. I need to be aware of all the dangers that threaten our relationship. Can I prevent them all? No, but I'll do my best.

Her happiness is my priority. If she ends up being in love with someone else and she'll be happy with that person, I will let it be. Can I really prevent her from falling in love with someone else? No. The only thing I can do right now is try to keep the flame burning... keep it burning until we meet again.

Despite my anxious questions, she sounded happy when she was talking to me. It made me calm and happy as well. We exchanged I love you's and hung up.

I couldn't help but sending her a "thank you" SMS: "You did it again - your magical voice has penetrated my heart and made me very happy! My Angel, I hope with all of my heart that our relationship will stay this way. My wife, love me forever like I do. O:)"

She makes me so happy everytime I talk to her. We'll chat on Friday.

She replied, saying that she loves me very very much, more than Anna.

True love will prevail! If we really want it, we can make this work!

23rd October, 2004

The view from the observation tower.

Daniel asked me to switch places with him. He's supposed to go on an 8 hour foot patrol today (Saturday) but his parents want to come and visit him. They live far in the south, in Beer-Sheba and can't visit him for too often.

He's one of my best friends here, how could I refuse? I know he'd have done the same for me.

So from now on I'm doing foot patrols and he's guarding in the observation tower. There's only 1 week left anyway...
















Saturday's food's always terrible in my opinion. Hamin.

27th October, 2004

These patrols are really boring. They're 8 hours long. You don't walk around up and down the hills the whole 8 hours. You find a quiet, shaded hidden place to sit down and observe the surroundings. Our commander, Matan, was particularly annoying. He would ask us to report our status every 5 minutes to make sure we don't fall asleep. Sometimes he would throw small stones at us... until he hit one of our teammates (Nitzan) in the brow and left a scar. Annoyed, Nitzan wanted to put Matan on trial, but since Matan didn't do it on purpose, he did not receive any punishment.

I was told that in one of the earlier patrols, Matan, Nitzan and a few others were doing some sort of car raids. They would hide in the forested area of the hill. When a Palestinian car passed by, they would run at it, shouting, with guns pointed at the driver and the passenger, demanding documents and possibly even searching the car for anything illegal. (Who gave them such an order?! Was it Matan's original idea? What a way to spend 8 hours of foot patrol!)

So in one of those raids, Matan ran to the car and pointed his gun at the front window and Nitzan pointed his at the back window. When Nitzan saw a little baby sitting at the back and he realized who he was pointing his gun at, he backed off. I bet he didn't feel good about it...

* * * * *

This morning's patrol was really tough. We had to walk uphill all the way back to the base on foot on a very hot day instead of being picked up by a "safari".

Yesterday we packed most of our stuff and loaded it onto the trucks. This is the last patrol in this place... Another was battery already arrived to replace us. We took a quick shower and waited a few hours until the buses came to take us to our home base in the Golan Heights where we will unpack and go home the day after.

* * * * *

Addition: Idan was an officer of ther first platoon back then. When he got released from the army, he didn't mind his commander-friends revealing this story to everyone...

Officers were on AV patrols most of the time.

AV drivers here were... 2 female soldiers. They're girls who've already finished their military service, but decided to sign a contract and extend their service for a year or so (it's called "Keva" - permanence.)

Many soldiers consider signing a Keva. You're released home more often. You get an average salary and the best hing about it is that you don't spend too much money because you eat and live at the base. I personally never considered Keva, even for a second. Why delay my real life by another year and be tempted to sell my freedom for some extra cash?

Back to the story... These 2 female soldiers were residing at our base in a separate living container. The funny thing is, we only had one showers block. One of the girls had to guard the entrance and make sure no one's entering or peeking whenever one of the girls was taking a shower. One time the girl-guard didn't see Matan entering the showers when our chubby battery's clerk (the third and last girl at the base) was taking a shower. He didn't get to see anything but her naked back...

Anyway, Idan was residing at the officer's & senior commanders room. It was late at night when Sharon, a friend of mine had finished guarding at the entrance gates. He had to unload his weapon in front of a commander. That is the safety procedure. (we're not trusted!) So even though it's night, you have to go and wake up one of the commanders so he could make sure you've safely unloaded the weapon.

Apparently no one was present at the "junior" commanders room so he knocked on the senior commanders' door. Idan was inside at the time... alone and having sex with one of the AV drivers!! An officer was about to get caught doing something extremely illegal on duty! He quickly put his pants on and opened the door, pretending to be sleepy and tired. Lucky for him, Sharon didn't suspect a thing.

28th October, 2004

The whole battalion was taken to Karmiel in 3 buses. It's 3 years since Nir Nahum's death. He was a soldier in my battery. He was killed in a suicide bombing while he was on his way to buy gifts to released soldiers. I didn't know him. I was still in school 3 years ago.

A big howitzer statue was donated by our battalion to commemorate his life. This statue is located in the main park in Karmiel.

After the ceremony was over we were back on the buses, eager to get home. However, word came that Arafat's health deteriorated and IDF decided to halt all units from releasing soldiers home in case Arafat dies. Oddly enough, we found ourselves praying for his health, at least for the weekend, so we could finally get home.

It was 5p.m. on Friday. All buses were about to stop operating. Then they wouldn't be able to release us home because they can't assure that everyone can get home safely.

In the end they've decided that 2 teams who were supposed to be released for 6 days (including my team) are to be released now and the others would wait for updates. After 1 and a half hours they were all released home as well. They told us that if anything happens, they would call us back.

We weren't called back, but we only had 1.5 days to spend time at home. Then we'd get back for... nobody knows how long, especially if Arafat dies...