Welcome to the Northern border

28th June, 2005

If only I knew how hard this day was going to be, I'd have wished that I didn't wake up.

7:00-9:00 - Morning duties - Base cleaning? Not good enough. Punishment: Repeat at 12am.
10:00-13:00 - Guarding at the bunker.
13:00-13:30 - Lunch break.
13:30 - 17:45 - Reforming the whole base - moving stuff from one place to another, weeding, general cleaning and doing other things in preparation for the incoming VIPs. Minister of defense Shaul Mofaz, major general Dan Halutz and major general Benny Gantz.

Working in this heat made us very tired.

The press came - channels 10, 11 and 22, newspaper and radio journalists. Supervised by security officers, the military chiefs entered our briefing hall.

Each one of them spoke to us on his turn. They've said that we are currently the primary force in the northern border, the first to respond to Hezbollah's attacks in this region. Benny Gantz said that it is likely that we will engage in artillery fire during our stay here, and that the enemy may fire back on us. Mofaz said that he counts on us, that we look like good soldiers and an excellent regiment. During the upcoming Gaza strip's disengagement, it is most probable that Hezbollah would attempt to escalate the tensions in the northern border.
















After the speechs they've asked us some questions. Then we had the opportunity to ask them.

One of my friends had asked Shaul Mofaz something about IDF's intel, giving him precise numbers and detailed explanation. Shaul Mofaz was quite impressed. He said that even he didn't know these details and then he offered my friend to become an officer. My friend thanked him but rejected the offer.

Benny gave us a few minutes to make a run to our howitzers and get ready to fire. Although we were located on the northern border, we could still turn our cannons 180 degrees and fire at military training fields in Israel.

On Benny's signal, we all took our m16's and ran as fast as we could. The 3 VIPs, accompanied by the press came by to watch us in action.

After a short whlie, they all left. Not an hour later, we were informed that there was some shooting at the northern border, in a base located on mount Hermon.

On the next hour we received an update - it was 2 soldiers who fired at the shooting range without proper orders and without informing anybody. False alarm...






























It was around 8:30pm when we were called to the dining room for dinner. Filling my dish with fresh food, there was no better time for us to have some rest and eat some quality food.

As I was looking for a free table to sit, a loud voice announced: "Red alert! Red alert!"

There was a split-second that dozens of soldiers, sitting at the dining room were literally frozen in their seats. Then, everyone suddenly jumped up and started running out of the dining room as fast as they could. Food was flying in the air, chairs were being thrown down, causing some guys to stumble. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before!

(the exact words weren't really "Red alert" as you might guess, but it doesn't matter)

We were all in our howitzers ready for orders. Within the next minute, we were informed why we were here. A group of 5 armed subjects have crossed the blue line (the Israeli-Lebanese border) and are very close to one of Israel's forward-most bases. Special forces have set an ambush and were waiting for them to come.

We were sitting in our howitzers until 12:20am. Then some of the teams were released to their rooms, whle others stayed inside the vehicles in full military readiness.

While still wearing military uniform and boots, they had to sleep either next to the vehicles, or inside them. Dinner was brought outside - it was nothing but a chocolate drink "shoko" and 2 slices of watermelon for each one. The rest of the food was thrown away. Why?!

I went to my room and fell asleep... but 20 minutes later, one of the soldiers woke me up and told me that it was my turn to guard, from 1am until 4am. Thanks to the internet on my cellphone, I didn't fall asleep. After over 1.8 years in the army, I was no longer supposed to guard at night, but talking to the sergeant in charge didn't help. He said there weren't enough soldiers, that those who are in their vehicles could not guard.

At 4:30 I could finally asleep... until 6am. Matan woke us up and told us to come to our howitzer to sleep there. It was our turn to be in readiness. As much as I was tired, lying down on rocks in the light of the rising sun, I couldn't fall asleep.

29th June, 2005

A massive demonstration was about to take place in Israel. Thousands of settlers and their supporters would go out in the streets and block the roads. Some of our soldiers support the settlers, but as soldiers we are taught to put politics aside. We can discuss it with each other (not in public), but in the end we have to follow orders.

2 teams were going to be released home today. They all dressed up in their A-type uniforms, when the alarm sounded again. Everyone ran to their vehicles. We received a report that Hezbollah has attacked a base on mount Dov. My team was the first to be ready. We fired 4 shells for ranging calculations. The rest of the teams joined us later and fired shells on different targets across mount Dov.

The excitement was huge. A few cars with reporters and cameramen have gathered behind our base on the road uphill.

The 2 teams who were supposed to go home today had to forget about it. The bus didn't arrive at all.

They joined us, carrying shells and preparing the ammunition while still wearing their clean A-type uniforms.
















Smoke was rising all over mount Dov. Hezbollah's mortar fire was quite massive. We could hear mortars falling non-stop one after the other. There were quiet moments sometimes, but most of the time the fighting was intense.

As a navigator, I was partially in charge of our howitzer's accuracy. It was tense, but fun nevertheless. The other teams fired most of the shells.

When we didn't have a firing objective, I opened up the news page on my cellphone and saw a picture of us firing. News travels fast, huh?































We saw a smoke rising near the city of Kiryat Shmona. All its citizens were asked to enter bombing shelters. In the end, it was a rocket that accidentally fell from an Israeli jet.

An hour later, IDF's special forces have located a Hezbollah's squad of militants who were on their way to infiltrate an Israeli base (to kill and kidnap soldiers). They opened fire on them. The militants returned fire and injured one of the soldiers. It was a doctor. As he was bleeding, he instructed the others how to treat him.

My team fired 3 smoke shells to cover their retreat. They were successfully evacuated by a helicopter. We could see a giant smoke rising up on top of the mountain. It had the form of a mushroom. This was photographed by reporters and was all over the newspapers the following day. They also showed us on the news the same evening. Everybody'd call their friends and family to turn on the TV and watch news.

Hezbollah had inflicted a direct hit on one of Israeli front bases. As a result, 1 soldier was killed and 2 others were lightly wounded. The Israeli air force bombed various Hezbollah targets in Lebanon - that's what the newspapers reported, barely mentioning us, the artillery.

By 9:30pm we were free to go and get some rest. I called Natalie. I informed her earlier that I was going to be on the news, but her brother didn't let her watch TV. She gets so upset because of her family and told me her parents always enslave her, yell at her and tell her how useless and stupid she is. They even said that they regret that she was ever born! How could normal parents say such things?! I can't believe this!

"What's the point of living? perhaps there's a better life for me on the other side. Nobody needs me. I can easily commit a suicide and end it all. I didn't fear cutting myself, I once even cut myself very close to he vein."

I told her that I really need her, that she's important to me and many other people. I know, nothing is compared to the love of a family. Everybody should have loving parents. Parents who don't love their children, don't deserve to have any children in the first place. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for children whose parents don't show them any love. It is ten times worse if parents tell their children they hate them and regret they were ever born.

Natalie deserves so much more than that. I wish there was something I could do for her. But apart from supporting her, being there and listening to her, I cannot do much. I can't interfere in their family problems.

But I can't keep seeing her like this, being torn apart, listening to her hopeless, pain-bearing voice and unable to do anything about it. At these moments, I'm willing to give up anything just to see her happy, to make all of her problems disappear.

I know that when I finish the army, everything is going to be so much better.

She says she doesn't commit suicide because of me. Angel once said the same.

I could hear her father in the background yelling at her... then he snatched the phone and hung up!

I called her again later. She kept telling me about all the terrible things her mother had said to her. How her brother once hit her in the stomach and that her dad thinks she's a failure. Could it be that she exaggerates? Maybe she's just having a bad mood and feels like the whole world hates her?

Is it possible that you misinterpret your folks? That was stupid of me to ask. Instead of supporting her, I'm being objective on this? She wanted to tell me some things, but changed her mind. She said she'd tell such things to Amir because he could really hear her out, support and comfort her, unlike me. Sigh. She had to go. She hung up.

It really hurt me to hear her say that. I can't make her happy whenever she's down, but Amir can?

I agree that there should always be a good friend to whom you could tell everything, someone who will always support you no matter what, but I also think that there should be no secrets or unknown details between two people who love each other. Hiding information from each other eventually form a base of misunderstandings and conflicts of various kinds.

We should be like one soul, aware of each other's joy and pain.

"Don't you ever hesitate to hurt me and tell me the whole truth, for it would hurt much more if you do"

12:30am - We went to bed after finishing some work on our howitzers.
2:30am - We were called up again. Special forces have set up an ambush. We had to be in full readiness and back them up, provide some cover if needed.
4:10am - We were released to bed.
6am - We were called up again to stay and sleep near the howitzers.
7:00am - Guarding duties.
8:30am - Military readiness, again.
10am - Special forces saw 2 gunmen approach them. They opened fire and hit one of them.

2nd July, 2005

Lucky for us, things have calmed down by Firday. On Saturday, we finally had some rest. I watched some movies, slept well at night and had a talk with Natalie.

She's so sweet! With each passing day I miss her more and more. It's so pleasant to hear her angelic voice, to hear her giggle.

Our relationship seems to be so perfect, yet there's always something that ruins it. The first incident was with Amir, her x-boyfriend. She met him and they've kissed... for a second. The 2nd incident was not less disturbing - Vadim is just some guy Natalie's been chatting with. One time they turned their webcams on and he started to masturbate in front of the camera. He asked her to take off her shirt to turn him on and she did. There was a bra underneath, but still! Not only did she watch him with interest, but she had also partially cooperated with him.

This has got to stop. It hurts me too much. She's always close to cheating on me, but I know that she wouldn't do something like that, would she?

Even if I feel like I'm madly in love with her, even if I'd love her more than I've ever loved anyone before in my life, I still can't live with betrayal.

I don't think that she could cheat on me, but I can't be sure. I'm afraid to be wrong.

I need her to reassure me, to promise me that it'll never happen. Natalie, my sweetheart, please...

Angel's left me to enjoy the freedom in the remaining 1.6 years in the army, to meet other girls and experience diffrent things in life. She'd also considered breaking up with me in that way. Perhaps it's the best way to break up with somebody in a long distance relationship without really hurting him too much... by doing it gradually.

She says she misses me, that she enjoys talking to me. I'm her best friend. She's mine too. It shouldn't be this way.. Natalie should be my best friend, and I'm hers.

I hope that we'll make a perfect couple one day. I don't give up her so easily. She's a potential human perfection.