Making the right decision

13th April, 2005

We had a date today. She looks even better in life than on those pictures she sent me. She said the opposite about me, lol. But it doesn't matter, because within an hour it was obvious that she likes me.

She must be the prettiest girl that I've dated so far. Unfortunately, it reflects on her character. She knows that she's pretty. Complementing her usually triggers the same reaction: "gosh, you're like the 100th guy that tells me that!"

Putting that aside, she is an adorable dark-green eyed brunette, reminding me a bit of Katie Holmes.

At some point on our first date we were sitting at her place in the hall, watching TV together. This was it. Goodbye Angel. I kissed her lips... Within no time, we became a couple.


* * * * * The next 10 weeks were all about battery reorganization and intensive artillery training. In June, we were scheduled to be sent to the Lebanese border to the most active artillery base in Israel - The first to response to Hezbollah's attacks in that region. We had to do our best, especially when all the high-ranking officers came to watch us demonstrate our capabilities of accuracy and professionalism.

The best thing about those 10 weeks was that we were released home almost every weekend. I spent most of my free time with Natalie, and I don't think I could've spent it better than that!

But on the other hand, I barely had any time for myself, my family and friends, and there were times I was glad to stay home instead of dating her, even though dating her has always been the best option.

I told her about Angel and she told me about her x-boyfriend, Amir. He was her first love. He broke up with her a month before we met, telling her she was too perfect for him.

What a coincidence - he lives in Arad where I spent 10 years of my childhood. Strangely enough, even though he's my age and we've lived in the same town for 10 years, I've never met the guy.

She really hated it that a guy dared to broke up with her, but a part of her still loved him or so it seemed. And a part of me still loved Angel.

Natalie was obviously concerned by that. I wasn't ready to give up on Angel completely, but Natalie didn't want to be some temporary girlfriend of mine. She was right. I needed more time to make that decision...

28th May, 2005

This week's been the greatest, ever! Our regiment had a 3-day vacation in Eilat. Everyone had a great time there, except maybe for those who got drunk and were back in the hotel after the deadline - they were sent straight to our home base in the Golan Heights. What a long trip that was for them. Lol.

Today me and Natalie spent some time at my father's place in Ashqelon. He rents a room right next to the beach. Actually, he lends it to 2 guys who pay him the rent, but today he's arranged the flat for me and Natalie. The 2 guys had to go for some business.

Finally, after over a month, we were about to have some real privacy for the first time...

We've had great time together, at least until one of the guys suddenly returned. He returned at the worst timing ever! But we were careful enough to have the door locked. Although the guy was paying the rent and had the full rights to stay at his apartment, we'd hoped he would be tactful enough to leave within a few minutes. But he decided to stay... Instead of waiting for him to leave, me and Natalie went to to the swimming pool. When we came back, he was dozing off in the bedroom! Argh!

We locked ourselves up in the bathroom, trying to get some privacy there, but then the guy woke up and tried to get inside!! Argh!

9th June, 2005

While I was in the army, Amir, her x-boyfriend, visited her. At first, she was with her friend Alina, but when Alina left, the two of them found themselves alone in her flat. Unable to fight her temptations, she came closer to him, as close as one could... and then their lips touched. They kissed.

Amir told her he doesn't want her to cheat on me, that it wouldn't be fair. So they stopped.

On the following day I was notified about this and I couldn't help but feeling hurt. When I met her at the same day, she started talking about him. She wanted to tell me how she feels, even though she felt bad about it. She says she still likes him and thinks about him often. When she's with him, she completely forgets about my existence and she can't help it. According to her, Amir is a non-separable part of her life.

It's only so because she still has feelings for him. It's either me or him, she must make a choice.

Later that day when I was at her place, she'd hidden her ICQ conversation with Amir and told me I wasn't allowed to read it.

When she was called to eat dinner, I couldn't fight my curiosity. I found him in her contact list and opened up the history log.

Yesterday's chat:
Natalie: "It was so emotionless what we did today, the next time I expect more of you."
Amir: "But it would be unfair to him. Would you really do that when he's in the army?"
Natalie: "He won't have to know about that. Besides, who knows? Maybe he's meeting other girls in the army... althought I don't think so."
Amir: "Me neither."
Natalie: "I love you, it's crazy"

Later she denied that she loves him. "I like him, that's all". She said she's never hidden anything from me. She always told me everything there was to tell.

How can I believe her after what I've just read?!

Later on that day, we've spent some good together and for a while there, it felt like Amir doesn't even exist. But he does, doesn't he?

I told her I don't want her to meet him again. It would only make things worse, but she said she wants to meet him, that she can't go on without him, she needs him. She wants him to be a good friend, not a lover. But she's afraid she can't control it.

He keeps flirting with her, telling her that he regrets leaving her 2 months ago and pursuing some other girl.

I'm not giving up on her. I know life's never that simple. We have a wonderful relationship and I don't wanna end it.

But she has to choose! Who will it be, a guy who lives far away in Arad, who's dumped her for another girl, or me?

I sure hope she's gonna make the right choice...