Something we can't live without

22nd September, 2004

My commander Matan called me at night. I told him I'm still in Germany because of the strike, but he already knew that. He asked me a few questions about Germany and Angel. Then I asked him how they're doing there in Hebron. He said there's been some shooting and there's mess. Somehow, I didn't want to think about it on my vacation, but we didn't talk much about that. "Just don't forget to take pictures, you promised me!" "Yeah, sure, I have a lot of them." "Alright. Well, have fun." "Thanks, bye."

When I woke up in the morning, I received another call. It was my mom calling. She told me the strike is partially over. I called the El-Al agency and they confirmed that they strike has ended but asked me not to come to the airport. They'll call me and tell me when to come.

I figure it would take a while since mine is not the only flight that's been delayed, but I should be ready to leave any minute anyway.

I still can't believe that my prayers have been answered. I asked God for some more time with Angel, I told God I wasn't ready to leave yet... :)

As I think of my Angel and of the possibility that I might not see her for a long time, I feel that I love her soooooo much, and despite my recent concerns regarding our relationship, I know I'll stay with her even if she hurts me badly.

But it wasn't really her that hurt me, was it? It was the time limit that made me so anxious to see her as much as possible. I'd get upset whenever she spent an hour talking on the phone or had a long conversation with her mom, when she arrived home an hour or two later than usual and so on. I'm confident that this little problem won't hurt our relationship in the long term. ;)

Angel arrived home this afternoon. I couldn't really tell if she was happy to see me. It was possible that I'd have been on my way to Israel by now, but I couldn't really see if she cared that much. :(

A few minutes later she was on the phone, talking to a friend for like an hour. I was just sitting there, bored, waiting for her to hang up. After a while I signaled her that she's been talking a long time and that she should hang up, but it was only after a while that she actually did.

During her phone conversation she asked me if I want to come to Jenny's place and visit them all (to sit and watch them converse in German?!) I was angry and upset, but all I said is that I'll give her an answer a bit later.

This is crazy! I'm gonna get a call any minute now, asking me to come to the airport, say goodbye to Angel and not see her again for a long time, yet I can't find a minute of time to spend with her.

I decided it was time to have a talk with her. I explained to her that her feelings are important for me, that I want her to show her love, to show me that she cares about me, not only in chat conversations but in real life as well. If she does that, I would be so happy that leaving to Israel wouldn't be so depressing. :)

She said that she just doesn't do it and that it was one of the reasons why other guys didn't want to have a relationship with her.

Oh Angel! I held her in my arms and told her I would not be one of them.

I really hope she will eventually learn how to open up and show her feelings. I'm her first boyfriend after all and she probably just needs some relationship experience.

I know I can't live without it, though. I can't be satisfied with a virtual love confession.

* * * * *

We didn't do much today. I helped her with homework, we ate dinner and watched "Enemy at the gates", then she went to bed at 10:40pm.

I didn't receive a call from El-Al yet, but it's bound happen soon, I'm sure of it...