The train at midnight

23rd September, 2004

As I woke up this morning, I noticed there was a note under the door. I thought maybe she left me a goodbye note in case I leave for the airport before she gets home from school. When I picked it up from the floor and read it, it said (these are the exact words): "Good morning, honey! So, I just wanted to tell you that I won't be home after school. I'd come home at around 4p.m. if you still are at our place. If you're not, please tell my mom that to tell me, so that I can stay longer (at friend's). Anyway, I wish you a good flight. Take care in the army! We'll soon meet again. ;) Love you forever. *Kiss*. Yours, Angel."

I didn't know how to react. I read it again a couple of times to make sure I got it right.

A while later I received a phone call from El-Al's agency. It's over now... The flight is at 7a.m. tomorrow in Munich. There are no trains at night, so I'll have to leave this evening. :(

Tomorrow at noon is Yom Kippur. If I arrive by noon, I might not be able to get back to the army as there are buses on Yom Kippur. This way I'll be able to stay at home for the weekend. I can't really imagine myself going straight back into the army after this trip. I'd better spend a few days at home first. Home? But I feel like I've got nothing to do at home, like my life's here with Angel. I don't wanna leave that life.

Angel didn't come at 4:30 pm. Instead, she called me to see if I'm still at her place. I wrote to her mother earlier today and asked her to tell Angel that I'm still here until tonight, that we have only a few hours left to be together, but she didn't forward the message to Angel for some reason.

I'm feeling so sad at the moment. I'm feeling like my life's over or something. Like nobody really cares! There is only thing that I need in my life, nothing else. This one precious thing can fill my life with so much happiness, it gives my life a meaning, a reason to go on living. This 1 thing is called "Care". I want to be important to somebody, to feel loved, to have someone interested in what's happening in my life, someone who gives me the respect that I deserve and the support that I need, whenever I need it. It's the way Angel made me feel whenever we'd chat. I'll be looking forward to it. I wish she could be this way in real life as well. It's all I ever wish for...

Of course, apart from this, there are plenty of reasons to keep on living and they'll keep me going... until I meet her again. It's a tragic day for me... I know I'm gonna miss every moment that I spent with her, I'm gonna miss this beautiful country and its peaceful atmosphere. Right now I can't feel it, but I know I'm gonna feel it soon enough.

Angel's still not home. Her whole family is. I try not to think about it because it makes me more and more upset. I decided to distract myself by watching some of her DVDs in her room.

She came home at 6p.m. She said she wanted to come earlier, but she'd missed the bus. It's okay. I can never be mad at her. Ever. She's home now and I can be with her for a few hours, it's all that matters now.

We had dinner and a movie: Braveheart. When the movie was over, it was time for us to get ready to go to the train station. Her mom took us to the train station. She waited in the car when Angel escorted me to the platform where I'd take the train to Munich.

"Platform number 9. This is where we first met." She said. 10 days ago I was right here, beginning my journey and now this is also the place where I end it. Our last 15 minutes are to be carved into my memory for an eternity. We promised each other not to cry. I held her tight and kissed her again and again, anxious at the thought of it being the last kiss. She gave me a goodbye present - it was a red heart the size of a palm.

More than a year ago, before I was drafted into the army, I used to send her all kinds of presents over the mail. One of the packages included a tiny, scented heart. This tiny little heart made her realize that she loves me. She thought it was a sign from me that I love her, but back then I didn't. I just liked her as a friend.

She still remembers that gift. She decided to give me a similar one in return. Is it a sign from her that she loves me, or does she feel the same way that I used to feel back then?

The train arrived. We hugged for one last time and said goodbye to each other. I felt like running back to her arms!

I entered the empty train and took a seat. It felt so lonely... I could skim through our pictures, I could hold her gift in my hands, but it would only make things worse. I was already feeling overemotional. It was hard for me, really hard.

The falling drops of rain, that were dripping down the train's window shall replace my tears.

I tried to distract myself from the pain I was feeling, tried to think of other things, but that wasn't easy either

Argh! How can I not think about her?! This is crazy! I hope to see her again in 6-7 months, in April 2005! :)

The song "Train at midnight" by Bad Boys Blue fits most perfectly to this particular part of my life

I arrived to Munich's train station. It appears that I had to take another train, this time to the airport itself, but the trains stopped operating at this hour. I had to find a way to get to the airport somehow...

I crossed the road and found an internet cafe. It took me a while until I found out how to get to the airport. I need to take a subway train, but the first train leave in 3 hours from now so meanwhile I should find myself something to do.

I remember that 8 years ago I played a PC game called Gabriel Knight 2. It was filmed here in Munich and this game really made me excited about visiting those places. As I was surfing the net in the iCafe store, I searched for the street names mentioned in the game and I located them on the map. Even though the time was 1a.m. I decided to walk around the city and find that street.

The streets near the train station were full of strip clubs, pubs and closed computer shops. The next street was deserted and completely dark. I can't say I wasn't concerned. You couldn't conceal your identity as a tourist if you walked with baggage and a photo camera. The photos didn't come out very well due to lack of light.

The next street had little illumination. A drunk man was heading my way... Nothing happened.

I found a bus station with a city map. Good thing I found it in the right place, I had to turn east to get to Marienplatz. After a while I found the place. It was a city square, as the name suggests. At first I didn't recognize the place, but then I saw the fountain and the subway station and it brought me back into that game, even though it looks differently in reality.































I walked down the stairs to the subway station. There were ticket machines, but everything was written in German. Very tourist-unfriendly, if I might say. I didn't know what buttons to press, how to choose the right route, anything. The station was empty, except for two patrol guards, several locals and a few homeless.

I went to the restroom. There was a guy behind me, heading there as well. That whole place looked dangerous. I had to stay alert.

When I entered men's room I was shocked to see a man's head on the floor of one of the cells. He was either dead or unconscious. I could only see his head sticking out the slit below the cell's door. The next moment I was out of there. Didn't want to get myself into any trouble.

I was standing next to the ticket machine, trying to figure out how to use it when I saw a few guys, male and female wearing elegant black, heading towards me. At first I thought they were a band, but later it turned out they were airport clerks on their way to Munich airport. Not only that, but they were also speaking Hebrew! I couldn't believe my luck! They helped me buy a ticket.

Finally I could ride a subway... It was my childhood dream. :)

The airport was huge! I followed these guys all across the airport into a small, isolated area. I'd once been told that they've decided to make a separate, isolated terminal for Israeli passengers. I find it very insulting. There was heavy security that have thoroughly checked our luggage and even asked us to take off our shoes. The was no duty free. Just a small shop to buy souvenirs and chocolate.

But first I had to wait outside the terminal with all the other passengers. Everyone was angry and upset. They wanted to get to Israel as soon as possible. Was I the only one in favor of the strike? :)

The plane left Germany. I felt sad and tired. I slept during the flight.





























We landed at 10:45a.m. but it took a while to receive the luggage. My mom met me in the airport and took me home. I arrived home and called my commander. It was 1p.m. He said I'm to stay at home for the weekend and come back to the army Sunday morning. Yes!!! 2 more days to spend at home! :)

Looking back, it was a wonderful journey. I enjoyed every minute of it. Now I hope I've earned the trust of her mother. Either way, Angel will turn 18 by March 2005 and in April she could come to Israel and spend a wonderful vacation here with me. Time is passing by pretty fast...

With this journey I proved myself that love has no boundaries. If you truly love someone, there is nothing that can stop you but your own will.

You can fall in love with someone over the internet, even if you have no idea how he/she looks like. It's all in your mind... and your heart.