The choices of a free man

19th September, 2004

As the morning came, I had a phone call which woke Angel up. I'd hoped she'd sleep well tonight so we could be awake the next night despite next day's school (tomorrow is our last day together), but she woke up when the phone rang.

It was my mom. She said the flight at 21st became available and I should call El-Al in Frankfurt in order to postpone the flight by one day. The problem is today's Sunday. I tried calling the agency, but all I got was an answering machine that gave me the emergency number in Israel. I called my mom and gave her that number and she's managed to change the flight date! :) YAY!!! One more day with my Angel!!!

We took a bus to the northern part of Regensburg where all the hi-tech buildings were located. There was a big quiet park in the center so that workers could relax during their lunch break. There are a few restaurants, a place to play bowling and billiard and a place to sit around the pond, watch the ducks swim quietly and enjoy the wonderful weather. :)































At first we had a sit at a Chinese restaurant, just to drink something light and eat breakfast. I decided to order the fruit combination. Although it only cost me 5 euros, all they brought me was a few slices of apple, a tiny piece of kiwi, 2 leechies, 2 orange slices, two melon pieces and a few grapes.

After the interesting meal we played some billiard, bowling and that magnetic hockey or whatever it's called. We had a lot of fun! :) After a while, we became hungry and went to a restaurant just around the corner, below a big Amazon.de building. It was a Mexican restaurant. We ordered something called Faujitas - they give you a salad, small slices of chicken and sauce. You wrap it all in a pancake and enjoy the delicious taste. I loved it!

It was time for us to go back. As we headed towards the bus station the rain poured out on us. We had no place to hide from the rain so all we could do was run towards the bus station. We held hands and ran in the rain. It was fun!!

Angel told me her mom was preparing a meal for dinner and that we should eat it despite having filled our bellies in a restaurant just half an hour ago. She didn't want to disappoint her. It was fine, anyway. By the time the meal was ready, we weren't that full anymore.

We spent the last couple of hours in bed, watching the movie 15 Minutes. Another movie that I liked and wanted to show her. Hehe. We were so tired... She has school tomorrow so she wished me a good night and went to her mother's room. We didn't kiss or hug much today. :(

It's probably going to be so depressing on the last day, considering the fact that I'm unprepared to go back. No, not yet! Everything is so wonderful here!

The same night I had nightmares of going back to the army. It's horrible! How can I go back after visiting paradise? I want it to last forever!

Who knows? If I go back I may not see Angel for a long time or even at all! I'm afraid to let it go... I'm gonna go back to the army to be a nobody again? To suffer and witness other people's suffering for another 2 years? Why?! Why is there no alternative for me? I'm 19 and I'm supposed to be a free man and make my own decisions in life! I have the right to start a new life right this moment. I don't feel like I belong to Israel in terms of culture and mentality. Many Israelis and Palestinians are stubborn - they're willing to kill each other and risk the lives of their friends for a small piece of land instead of working out a peaceful solution for the sake of the future generations. There are so many ignorant and hateful people who see things in black and white. Some wish to destroy Israel, others wish to wipe off all Arabs. I have to waste 3 years of my life just because there are some people who hate each other and can't live peacefully together?!

There's a famous writing that I've encountered in several IDF bases:
1 life
2 short
3 years
4 what?

If I don't go back to Israel now, I won't be able to visit it anymore. If I go back, say, after a few years, they'll put me in jail right away. Can I really leave my family, my friends and do something that crazy? No, I'm afraid I can't. If I have to choose between losing Angel forever or not seeing my family and friends for many years, I'd choose Angel. But I'm not losing her forever. I'll see her again. If I don't, I can always runaway.