Fine moments that bring us closer together

24th July, 2005


I was sitting in my room when Michael, my officer, entered and called me out for a talk. He told me I was chosen to represent our battery in an interview tomorrow by the Russian-Israeli television NTV. They'll interview our battery commander and a few other soldiers as well.

I called my family and friends and notified them about it.

25th July, 2005

The interview has been eventually cancelled.

I talked to Angel today. I missed her so much!

I told her about everything, including how I feel for her and about Natalie's demand that we stop communicating. She said I could either talk to her in secret, without letting Natalie know, or we could do as she says.

"If I don't be with Natalie in a year from now, would you want us to be together?" "Yes, I do."

No, I don't intend to break up with Natalie, I'm just considering all the possibilities here.

After this conversation I realized that I can't just walk away from Angel. Natalie didn't want to hear about it... "It's either me or her!" After a while we reached an agreement: I explained her of the situation, meaning I can't give Angel up unless I have a guarantee that we'll be together until the end. If we keep fighting like that and I leave Angel, I'll end up losing you both.

I told her she should go to northern Tel Aviv and meet those rich guys that Shachar was talking about, to find out what she really wants. I agreed to stop communication with Angel in case she agrees to go with it until the end.

29th July, 2005

Angel showed up online. I didn't talk to her. She didn't start talking to me either.
Meanwhile, my relationship with Natalie was improving...

1st August, 2005

Natalie doesn't feel anything for Amir anymore. Today he's coming over to her place for a few hours. She says she loves me very very much and promises that she would restrain herself around Amir.

Fine, let them meet...

The result is... They sat in her room for a while and chatted. There was one moment that their lips met, but then she thought of me and pushed him away. Afterwards, they visited the Azrieli towers. In a deserted corridor leading to the restrooms they stood, facing each other.

Amir: "Can I kiss you."
Natalie: "I don't know." (?!)
Amir: "Well... can I?"

She explained this by saying the she didn't want to upset him by saying "no". Instead, she leaned ahead and kissed him lightly on the lips, smiling. It seems she still has some feelings for him, but clearly less.

3rd August, 2005

She arrived to my place, meeting me downstairs. "Where's the warm hug that I so greatly deserve?" I hugged her from behind, kissing her cheeks, the sweet sensation, the smell of her hair, feelings that I can't really describe.

5th August, 2005

We agreed to meet at her place this morning at 10:30am, then take our bikes and travel around Tel Aviv, crossing the whole Ha-Yarkon park and proceeding down to the beach.

I was getting late. Arrived at 10:50am to her place, only to find out that she hadn't even woke up. It took her a looong time to get ready. Girls...

At 12:30pm we set out on a long journey. Riding the bycicle with her was a lot of fun. The windy weather and the beautiful park have only contributed to the wonderful atmosphere.

In the middle of the park there's a small lake where boats can be rented. It was a great idea of hers. We took a boat and spent an hour at the lake. The sun was setting. It was so quiet and peaceful.

"In 30 years from now, you'd come here to this very place and see that nothing here has changed. But at the same time, nothing would be the same as before. The leaves, falling from the trees would remind you of your youth, times that you cannot bring back, great times. You would shed a tear, wishing you could experience it all again. So enjoy it now as much as possible."

That wasn't very encouraging, but she remembered those words...

We proceeded to the beach heading far into the south, until we've reached the mall on Allenby st. next to the fountains. We went up to the top floor and ordered food in a restaurant-bar the name of which I couldn't qutie recall. The food was awful. It came in small quantities in contrast to its price.

On our way back home, we saw a lot of police cars patrolling around. Natalie said it's because of a high drug-sale activity in this area. She used to volunteer in the national guard a year ago, that's how she knows it. Her brother volunteers in the police.

She says he worked in Jaffo - a part of southern Tel Aviv, inhabited mostly by Israeli Arabs. I told her about the cops I met in roadblocks. She says her brother is no less racist than them. Great! Dad's a stalinist, mom's his executive dictator and her brother is a racist cop. Hmm... If I marry her one day, that will be my family? *chills* Poor Natalie... :(

6th August, 2005

My dad booked a room in the hotel "Sun" in Bat Yam for me and Natalie. We took a cab over there at 12pm. The hotel looked very nice.

I approached the reception desk and asked for the key registered on my name. The receptionist looked for it and didn't find any rooms booked on my name. I called my dad and he talked to the woman at the desk. It turns out he booked a room from a different receptionist who worked here yesterday. After 2 minutes of hearing him yelling at her, she opened a drawer and found it.

I pitied the woman. Judging by the look on her pale face, this call had ruined her day. :(

She gave me 2 keys - room 301 and 404, to choose which one would be more suitable for us. Room 512, which was originally booked for us has already been taken by someone else. It's alright, mistakes happen.

Room 301 faced the swimming pool and the sea. The other one faced a deserted tennis and soccer courts and a big pile of garbage, just outside the hotel.

We really had a great time together. We ate at a Japenese-Chinese restaurant. The food was great. This time the meal was big enough to feed 4 people and the price was the same.

The waiter that served us was a cute Russian 20+ girl who reminded me of Lena, my step-cousin. I gave her a relatively big tip - 20NIS. But that's not only because she was cute, I just didn't have any coins. =)

The swimming pool closed down at 7pm, so we went to the sea instead. The water wasn't cold. It looked like it was Natalie's first swimming experience. She seeked refuge in my arms with every incoming wave. She screamed often, but in overall I think she enjoyed swimming with me.

We layed down on the sand, watching the sun sink in the horizon, painting the sky in pink and red.

We kissed. She told me how much she enjoys spending time with me. She wanted to spend the night here with me, since we have to be checked out tomorrow morning, but her parents had forbid her.

The sun was setting down fast, as they were arguing and shouting over the phone. She hung up several times, unable to listen to her parents much longer. For the next 10 minutes she was crying and there was nothing I could to help. It was only later that I was able to comfort her and help her deal with whatever her parents had said.

Her mother wanted to speak to me. She said that she wants to see her daughter back home by 10pm, that I'm in charge and therefore I shouldn't surrender to Natalie's pleads, that our stay wasn't planned to extend until tomorrow morning and that we're not a married couple to do such things. (Are you kidding me? I have to be married in order to her to spend a night with her alone?!)

It would have been pointless arguing with her.

My dad picked us up at 9pm and brought us to her place. I'd been thinking about her on my way home.

I love her so much. It's been so great together...

7th August, 2005

We spent some time at my place. After her work, we'd met at the entrance to the mall in Givataim. I was late, but to my surprise she wasn't mad at me. It's usually easy to upset her.

We went to the cinema and watched "Sky high", it was an average movie. I walked her home and it was time for us to part. Tomorrow I'm back in the army again.

It was hard. She didn't want to get inside the elevator. I held her tight and when I started leaving, I saw her standing there with tears in her eyes. I couldn't go... I ran back and held her tighter, kissing her passionately. Tears were now all over our faces. It was getting even more difficult for us to part.

I had to let her go... for now.

She entered the elevator. The time slowed down... We were looking at each other as the door slowly closed down between us.

A single moment later I felt a wave of melancholy surge through my body. I felt pain in my chest. Why is it so hard to part? The thought of not seeing her again for 16 days... My eyes were becoming watery.

Natalie!!! I don't wanna fight with you anymore.

Is it always up to me? Can I control it?