The unjustified death

6th July, 2004

This commander from "Egoz", whose soldiers guard the gates of Adora (participating in protecting the settlements as part of their advanced training program) - the same soldiers who bothered the Israeli-Arab who stopped his car near the gates, their commander had told us a terrible story today, although it didn't seem terrible for him at all...

He just had a call from his brother who serves in Nablus. His brother had told him that during an operation there, they were attacked by a Palestinian militant. They had casualties, one officer was killed and the militant was killed as well.

His brother participated in that operation. He saw someone's head in the window, someone was looking at them. He thought it might be a militant and so he immediately fired at him (violating IDF's rules of engagement). The guy was shot in his head and was killed instantly. Later, when he approached the body, he realized it was an unarmed civilian. He said that all his brain was scattered around the room, with blood everywhere.

While the commander was telling this to us, he seemed somewhat amused by this incident. Is it funny?!

During his phone call to his brother, I overheard him saying: "does anyone else know about this?" and then he said: "okay".

Today's news announced the following: "Israeli helicopter killed 2 Palestinian civilians after a firing a rocket-..." Maybe it wasn't related at all, I don't know.

The civilian was killed for no reason. He posed no threat to the Israeli soldiers. I don't know how often these things happen, but I damn hope that it happens rarely!

Damn it! Is he any different from other civilians? He most likely has a family, friends, maybe even a wife with kids. Now they won't see him. Dozens of lives are shattered because of a stupid, careless act.

I hope that his brother will have a trial and be put in prison for this. I know that it's a real chaos out there, but you can't fire on people unless you recognize a potential threat. There are many civilians there and you can't keep firing on people 'just in case'!

Now imagine the outcome of this one single incident - his family, relatives and friends are likely to hate Israel, at least more than they already do. His friend or brother may swear revenge on Israel and be the next suicide bomber to explode on the streets of Jerusalem or Tel Aviv and kill dozens of people. Then IDF will bulldoze his home and his family will live in a refugee camp. Israeli victims' families will hate Palestinians and if one of their relatives serves in the Israeli army, this cycle is likely to repeat itself. All this may happen because of one guy who is probably even proud of his actions, the way his brother is.

Then everyone hates Israel - because of such people, who are so selfish in their hatred, so eager to show their power and use their 'license to kill' while being protected by the uniform that they're wearing, the same uniform under which they swore to abide by the ethic code of the Israeli army. These people don't care about the consequences of their criminal actions, they are unaware of the negative impact on the Israeli population, on our country's reputation in the world.

They do not represent Israel or the Israeli army. These individuals (I really hope that they are a small minority in Israel) are condemned by the Israeli nation (Again - I really hope they do!) and it's not how Israel should look like. I know many good and decent people here who make Israel what it should be, but good people don't make the news that often.

The same goes for the Palestinians. Even though I'm only in contact with 1 Palestinian through the Internet (who's a very good guy!) I'm sure that most of the Palestinians are good people. (At least I hope so)

People shouldn't solve things with violence. Even if you'd lost a relative, revenge is not a solution. Hatred only leads to more hatred. Although I don't know how I would've acted if I had lost someone. I don't wanna know and I want to escape this reality before it gets to me or my relatives. I wanna run to my Angel's arms, seek refuge in her haven and lead a happy life with her by my side! :)

I am innocent and so is she. There's no place for innocence where I live, where I serve. I belong to a different world, an innocent and peaceful world where Angel awaits me... My Angel...

I wish I could change the world and make hatred disappear. I'd be willing to sacrifice myself, absorb all the hatred in this world and fly far away, out of man's reach.

* * * * *

Tonight Yoav arrived at Adora. The moment he entered the room, Ido, his partner for 'scoring' girls had told him about the 20+ year old he had seen, during a patrol with me. Yoav said: "I'm dying to f**k her already". The next thing they did was go and look for her in the streets. Ido wishes to find a girl 17 or older to f**k. Every patrol he complains that he doesn't see any girls in this settlement.

Yes, many guys only think about sex and that's annoying. They keep talking about girls, strategies of 'scoring', different experiences, giving each other tips. Sometimes you want to punch them so hard so they'd never mention "girls" and "sex" in the same sentence ever again.

The green light

5th July, 2004

Tonight my commander told me the news - I'm allowed to go abroad during my military service after I'm at least one year in the army, after I fill in some security documents. Yay! It means that I'll meet my Angel for sure! :)

Even if I get the free week during her 1st semester at school, she said she could skip her classes for 1 week! (Combat soldiers get free weeks once per 4 months, depending on their locations and operations. It varies. Sometimes you get the week after 3 months, sometimes after 7, so it is unknown when I'll get mine. Only during that week I am allowed to go abroad)

Now the runaway option is totally canceled. It would be better if she came to Israel first: 1. because she has holidays now and she won't have to skip school. 2. I have a great plan of travel in store for us if she comes to Israel.

I called her yesterday. Her mom won't let her go to Israel, so I suggested that maybe I could talk to her mom through a webcam and convince her that I can be trusted. She said she'll talk to her mom about it.

Oh I love Angel's voice! O:) But our talks sound so serious and tense. We both speak English even though it is not our primary language. Still, we love talking. She is incredible! :)

Imagine yourself thinking about the perfect girl of your dreams everyday. Dreaming about the perfect relationship. Hundreds of perfect moments with the love of your life run in your head and fill your heart with extreme happiness. Just let this day come - once we meet each other, we would never be apart.

We know each other for a year and a half and we've never had any fights, even small ones. There she is, fully in love with me, an innocent Angel, never had a boyfriend, never had been kissed and I'm saving myself for her, staying away from girls ever since I've met her.

Few people would be able to comprehend the magnitude of our romance, the power of love that encircles us. It's like a fantasy, only a real one.

Half a year ago we both had hard periods in our lives. We messaged and called and missed each other so much. It made our relationship so strong - we wanted to runaway together and start a new life. But it would have been crazy and foolish to runaway just like that - she hasn't finished school, I haven't finished the army. If I runaway, I won't be able to go back to Israel without being sent to prison.

We had to wait patiently until the time is right for us to meet each other. Half a year passed by and soon, by God's will, I will meet my Angel, prove her that everything is possible and make our dream come true. Amen.

Tough days

4th July, 2004

Location: Adora settlement, West Bank.
Last night, me and Ido were patrolling for almost the whole night. Our guys (soldiers from my battery who currently serve with us in protecting Adora) had a barbecue and fried chips, but they didn't allow us to stay and wait until the food is ready - we had to start our patrol. Despite my radio request to inform us when it's ready so we could come and take our portions, they completely forgot about us and ate everything.

The citizens of Adora gathered around a campfire and made barbecue as well, but they didn't offer us any, although we were ordered to guard them (and drool in the process...)

Later, Oren, one of the soldiers, made us pancakes and scrambled eggs. Thanks! :) Even though I try to eat only healthy food, it's almost impossible to maintain any form of diet in the army, especially in the territories - where the food supply is very limited.

This morning, a Palestinian fired on one of our military trucks. The soldiers in the truck didn't respond and drove away instead. It happened on the road somewhere, a mile or two from here.

After guarding around 8 hours at night, sleeping 3 hours, cleaning "the villa" (that's how we call our settlement's 5-star barracks here, and it's literally a big villa house), cleaning the weapon, preparing for our morning's disciplinary (takes 2 hours) and eating nothing but a piece of bread with jam (we ran out of food supply), me and Ido were called to provide a reinforcement to the existing forces.

I only had to guard 30 minutes. Ido (who's also younger than me, in military terms) is stil there. I'm supposed to guard 8 hours again tonight and in addition be awake for 1.5 hours, in charge of the radio communications, listening and waking everyone up if something happens. If I don't collapse, I will become a lunatic - something that has happened to me tonight...

According to my teammates, I woke up at 2a.m. - 2 hours before my shift, sat on the bed and mumbled a few phrases in Russian, then I climbed down from my upper bed when Oren entered the room, finishing his patrol and asked me what I was doing, awake in the middle of the night and I said: "NEED TO PROTECT THE SETTLEMENT". This is the third time that during my military service that guys say I was talking in my sleep. But this time I was like LUNATIC! Gosh! Also - I normally don't snore, at least not before I was drafted, but now everyone tells me I snore very loudly every night! Some people kick my bed while I sleep so I'd stop snoring, others put ear plugs because of me. *sigh* I think I need a psychiatrist...

This morning Palestinian militants opened fire at an Israeli vehicle near Mavo Dotan - the Israeli driver was killed. Mavo Dotan and Hermesh are two nearby settlements that are located near Jenin and it's where me and my battery used to serve half a year ago. Some of my friends from the battery recognized this man from the picture in the newspaper. That's really sad...

You know, some people in the army have gray hair - they're only 18-21 years old and already have most of their head covered in gray hair. I really hope my hair will stay blonde just as it is.

In our barracks there are soldiers from my battery and some reservist soldiers (who have replaced the rookie soldiers from "Egoz" - the ones I mentioned in the previous post)

During my patrol this evening, I've noticed how 2 of these reservists knocked on somebody's door in the settlement. I wondered why... Later we were told that 2 men have robbed a woman whle pretending to be hungry soldiers. I confirmed that and told the commanders who they were. It appears that the two asked the woman for food, complaining that the army doesn't feed them. As the woman let them in, the two probably didn't even ask for her permission before reaching out for the refrigerator and stealing food.

Even though we are low on food most of the time, it is unacceptable for us, soldiers, to knock on people's doors, beg for food, or worse - grab it without permission from someone's refrigerator.

Tragic reality - Part 2 - Soldiers, Palestinians and Settlers

3rd July, 2004

During my patrol shift, I visited one of the key guarding spots. It looks like an army tent with a chair inside of it - it is located right beyond the backyard of Hazan's family. I don't know why there is a guarding post here... Maybe since there are no other places other than this one from which you could inspect the south-western part of Adora.
















The view from here reveals a deep valley, below the hill on which the settlement is located (settlements are all located on hills, surrounded by fence, overlooking Palestinian villages). In the valley below, there is a camp of either Bedouins or Palestinians, living in caves or outside, beneath a tin roof, covered by a century-old clothing. Sheep, donkeys and chicken are scattered around the camp. A few kids, a religiously dressed woman and some old men are what keeping this camp from looking completely abandoned.

No more than 300 feet away is where I stand, beyond the fence. Behind me there's a totally contradicting view - dozens of rich villas with pretty green gardens, cars, toys are scattered in the yard.
















Not long ago, one of the settlers gave me and the other soldier from my shift, a bottle of soft lemonade and a snack. "Give it to them. They need it more than me." - I thought to myself and looked at the camp again. The other soldier, Ido, would disagree with me. "I hate them. All of them. Give me one reason to like them." He says. Unfortunately, he's far not alone with that opinion. Hatred is within the souls of many people here and I can't understand them, nor can I convince them that hatred is wrong. If only these settlers aided their poor Palestinians neighbours, if only soldiers gave break to the shepherds who walk their sheep 300 ft away from the fence, surrounding the settlement - maybe then, only maybe, things would've been at least slightly different.
















How would they react to sudden kindness? If a settler went down there and gave them some food and drinks, put the differences aside and drank tea with them, would they meet him with stones or would they try to solve the matters in a diplomatic way? Or maybe their ideologies are so contradicting, that there can be no relationship between the two?

There were 2 guards standing at the entrance gate to Adora. Less than a year in the army, they were already so "poisoned" - "Egoz" - the elite unit of Golani's infatry corps. A car stopped on the road, 200 ft away from the gate. These 2 soldiers sprang to the gates, with their guns pointing at the man in the car, one of them shouted: "Why did you stop here? The guy from the car was talking on the cellphone. He went out of the car when suddenly one of the soldiers screamed: "DID I TELL YOU TO TALK ON THE PHONE?! PUT IT DOWN NOW!!!" still pointing their guns at the man. Then they told him to drive further, that he isn't allowed to stop here on the road. He was an Israeli Arab.

The commander of these two has heard the story and approved it. Not once had he shown his hatred towards Arabs, saying that all the Palestinian villages around the settlements should be dismantled and evacuated due to the dangers they impose on the settlers.

I've been right-winged once, but my opinion has changed the more I discovered about Israel and the Palestinians. I started looking at what WE (the Israelis) did wrong, instead of pointing the index finger at the "enemy" and blaming them for everything. I asked myself why they hate us, why they kill Israelis and who you define as "they". Of course Palestinians are wrong too, but we can't change them, we can't force them to change. Maybe if both sides judged themselves first and corrected their own mistakes, peace could be more achievable.

Some soldiers aren't humane as the army strives to be, the same goes for some of the settlers. All of this, is a source of hatred that was born from this tragical conflict, planting seeds for more and more hatred in this blood-stained land that eventually belongs to none. It belongs to the nature. It's just a piece of land - if there's peace it can be visited by anyone, it's a land where you could build your own home when your nation is at peace. One day it belonged to the Canaans, then to the Jews, then to the Babylonians, the Persians, the Greeks, the Romans, the Turks, the British. Can you really secure the land for thousands of years to come? It's not worth our lives, especially when all you wanna do is LIVE in this land.

I'm in peace with all of this world, I hate no one. I love this world and all the people in it and all I wanna do is to live peacefully and happily with my Angel!! Is that too much to ask?