The punishment

On 31st October, 2005 I finally got rid of my clumsy weapon. I handed it over to a newcomer and instead received a regular, lightweight short M-16.

There's a plastic magazine holder that fits this type of weapon, it's called a "banana". I got one of those, only that it's slightly broken and falls off the weapon all the time. I used some tape to thicken the holder so that it would fit in the slot, but it's a bit too thick, so now I had to punch it to make it stick.

On the next day, like every other morning, I cleaned up the base and checked my magazines and flasks for full readiness. I put my vest on and inserted the holder along with a magazine inside the weapon, giving it a light punch.

When the time was up, we all stood in a "U" formation outside the barracks. The commanders were checking our magazines and flasks, just like they always do. When my commander approached me, I gave him all my magazines including the "banana" holder. He checked that one and noticed that a bullet was missing!

If you don't have your flasks and magazines full and you get caught, you can get a pretty bad punishment, depending for example on how many bullets you have missing. If one bullet's missing, you usually get a day or two - staying at the base while all the other soldiers go home. While it might not sound that horrible for someone who gets to see home everyday, for someone who doesn't see freedom for weeks, a day of vacation is a lot!

How come it was missing? I checked my vest, hoping to find a bullet to save myself from being punished, but couldn't find any. I was unable to explain my commander why it was missing.

"it probably fell off on his way here, it happened to Rami as well." - Daniel tried to help me.
"I checked the magazines before... it probably fell off on my way here" - I confirmed Daniel's word in what looked like a desperate attempt to save myself from an inevitable punishment.

Sometimes I forget to check that magazine, because it's always attached to my weapon. Therefore, it is highly likely that it had a bullet missing all along.

I got back to my room, feeling upset. As I sat down on my bed, I inserted the holder back into the weapon when I suddenly noticed how a bullet almost flew out of the magazine! I walked up to my commander and explained him this theory - just before having to join the formation, I checked the magazines and inserted the holder with a light punch. As a result, a bullet flew out of the magazine without my notice. I demonstrated him - as I punched the holder, a bullet jumped and almost got away. He then said: "Use something else. This "banana" isn't good." I nodded.

Since then, I use a rubber band and I check my magazines twice to make sure it never happens again. Does he believe me or will he give me a punishment? Will I get home on the 6th of November?

Days have passed and it seemed like he had completely forgotten about it.

6th November, 2005

We've been on high alert these days, spending most of our days and nights around the howitzers. At 1pm, an hour before the bus was going to arrive, my commander told me and my other teammates to change our uniforms and get ready to leave. We went back to our room to change our clothes.

Earlier that day, Daniel and Ido left the base on an earlier bus and Daniel overheard Ido speaking on the phone and saying that Shay and me are getting a 1-day punishment (we're usually told about such things on the last day, probably because they don't want to ruin our motivation straight away). Shay didn't brush his shoes on one of the days. Ido caught him and told him right away that he'll get a 1-day punishment. Shay's reaction was rather odd - he gave Ido a slap on the face.

I couldn't believe this. "What? He told me nothing! It has to be a mistake..."
"Don't worry" - Sharon was trying to calm me down while we were sitting in the dining room. "There's a military rule that requires the commanders to notify you of the given punishment 24 hours ahead, that is 24 hours before you go home."

We were talking discreetly, making sure no one could overhear our conversation. Rumors spread very quickly around here.

Before we're released home, we have to attend a briefing. One of the officers has to give us a routine briefing before we're released home. Michael was waiting for everyone to arrive. When he noticed me standing next to the other soldiers, waiting for the briefing, he asked my commander which 3 soldiers are supposed to stay at the base. "Rotem, Rami and (IsraeliDiary)" "What? Rotem, Rami and Shay." He repeated: "Rotem, Rami and (IsraeliDiary)", perhaps ignoring what I said.

Nitzan: "But (IsraeliDiary) is here." He pointed a finger at me.
The commander looked at me in astonishment, smiled, pointed his hand at me and said: "What? (IsraeliDiary)? What are you doing here? Don't you have a 1-day punishment?"

I couldn't believe this. It's so embarrassing for him to do something like this. "What? Me?! You didn't tell me anything..."

Michael was slightly amused. He took the commander aside talked to him in private. When they were finished, the commander called me up for a talk.

"After that incident you were supposed to understand that you have a 1-day punishment." (No way. Things never work that way! Commanders inform their soldiers of being punished. Soldiers aren't supposed to guess whether they're punished or not!)

Me: "but how come, I've explained it all to you."
"Yes, but still you had a bullet missing..."
Me: "yes, but it was an accident. You know that I'm a good soldier, I don't neglect military regulations and daily routines."
"Yes, you're a good soldier, but..."
Me: "Why punish me? A punishment is given to someone in order to make him realize he did something wrong and make him want to think twice before repeating the same mistake."
"You'll go home this time.."

On my way home, I tried not to have any eye contact with any of the commanders and officers on the bus. It was an unpleasant situation for us all. When my commander left the bus, he said goodbye and smiled at me. It made me wonder... what if he planned the whole thing, acted stupid to make sure that I won't get punished? Probably not, but you'll never know...

The punishment hasn't been given at all. It could not be postponed due to military rules. My commander left our battery on 18th November and was replaced by a friend of his, a guy who was in our battery for 4 months before he was sent off to the commanders course. His name is Lior.

Had I received the punishment, I would've become hostile towards the officers and the commanders, just like Daniel. It would've had serious consequences on my future in this battery. Either way, that didn't happen.

The past few weeks have been relatively difficult for us. A lot of training, classes and exams. No time for movies or anything of the kind.

14th November, 2005

In the army, when there's news, they're usually BAD news. Not this time, though. Sometimes they have pleasant surprises. Back in May 2005, while I was getting myself dirty working on the howitzer, my commander approached me and said: "get dressed", "huh?", "you're going to trial", "what? why?!", "just kidding! you're attending a memorial of a fallen soldier from our battalion."
As a result, me and some other soldiers got ourselves an extra day at home, since after the memorial they couldn't bring us back the base at the Golan Heights. It was pointless, since we were supposed to get home on the following day anyway.

This time, however, my commander surprised me with different news: "You want to fly to the USA?" He gave me a form to fill up and asked me to return it ASAP. I did.

2 months in the US for free, plus 800$ for spending. 4 soldiers from my battery were given the chance to participate. We'll have some interviews to pass. Who would reject that offer? ;)

* * * * *

For the last few weeks we've been on high alert. Spending cold days and freezing winter nights inside the howitzers, ready for anything. Hezbollah intend to kidnap soldiers. A special infantry force commences day and night operations close to the Lebanese border. We have to be ready, in case anything happens, to provide them with our assistance.

One thing really helped me kill the boredom. I use the cellphone to surf on Wikipedia. Its capabilities amaze me. You can learn so much about pretty much everything. I learned about the history of Germany, Iceland, Faroe Islands, Slovakia, Bulgaria, Lebanon, actors, scientists, national geographic, coca cola, Hezbollah, the Yom Kippur war and so on...

* * * * *
Meanwhile, the Hezbollah were in the final stages of their plan. After months of collecting data on IDF, training gunmen and planning operations, they were ready to strike.

Little did we know that the impending attack was to be launched on 18th November...

Some things get worse, others get better

18th October, 2005

A 17 year old girl was raped by her own boyfriend and his 4 friends for hours in an apartment in Givataim (part of the bigger Tel Aviv). The girl was drunk.

Her boyfriend, who'd been dating her for 6 months, decided to do something special for his friends that day - share his girlfriend with them. How sick is that?

Then I saw the picture in the newspaper where they'd met and immediately recognized the place. It was my neighborhood!

The guys are 25-28 year olds. She's only 17. Their names rang no bells.

19th October, 2005

I was talking to my friends in the army about the importance of keeping distance between boys and girls in the army. Coincidentally, they told me a secret which I promised to keep from other soldiers in the battery.

Half a year ago there were no female soldiers in our battery. A few months ago 2 girls joined us: Ravit, a female commander, and Daniela, a secretary, responsible mostly for... decorating the battery. She's finished her service a month ago, but now stories about her begin to surface.

One of the soldiers in the battery, Gil, is her boyfriend. They've had sex at the base. He'd tell his friends about this. Some saw him leaving the girls room at 5 am. (Ravit was at home during those days, Daniela was alone in the girls dormitory)

A few days ago she was brought back to the base for questioning, but was released with no charges due to lack of evidence. Yes, it's considered to be a serious offense in the army. If caught, soldiers are sent to jail for a few weeks, if I'm not mistaken.

Now.. the thing is, she also slept with Ido, a guy from my team. Ido?! That short little pervert who talks about his friends behind their backs, he's the one guy who's best at mocking people. He has a sharp tongue. Not once had it pissed me off, especially when he'd joke about Angel.

I didn't expect that from Daniela. She doesn't look like she would do such things.

A few Russian soldiers in our battery were caught when a few bottles with alcohol were discovered in one of the rooms. 2 of those guys were sent to jail for 15 days. The other one, the oldest one in the battery who was going to be released from the army next month, received 28 days of detention at the base. Apparently he was held responsible for that 'party' the other night.
The Ethiopian cook used to hide bottles of wine and give it to them to drink on Saturdays.

20th October, 2005

It's been days since I've received any messages from Angel. I wrote her a few times, but didn't get any replies.

Natalie, on the other hand, called me again. It ended in another fight. "Don't let your ego rise too high. Don't think that you're a perfect human being with superior beauty and intelligence."

"I am. It's a fact that guys try hard to get me and be with me. I'm wanted."

"Oh yeah? Then how come I didn't have to move a finger to get you? How come the only 2 guys that you loved have dumped you? Think about it. Ask yourself why."

"You and Amir were stupid enough to do it."

When you don't see a person that you have feelings for, you tend to forget all the negative experiences that you've had with him. Therefore, you begin to miss him, you remember the good times and wish you could meet again... and when you do, those fights eventually repeat themselves and you are reminded again of the negative side of your relationship. It goes on and on, until one day you decide to end it, once and for all. You can't ride the roller coaster forever.

Goodbye Natalie. You could've been everything for me. Not anymore.

21st October, 2005

This morning I received a message. It was from Angel!

"Hi Dearest! Man, I wanna be with you now! My endlessly shining star, the only light if I'd be sad. I miss you so incredibly much! I'm longing for the day we'll be together again!"

This message has unleashed all those feelings which I held back for a long time now. It made me wanna jump and scream: "ANGEL, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!"

23rd October, 2005

"If the day has come when everything is over and we're together, I'll be the happiest girl in the world. Just to think of you makes me happy! I love you more than anything!"

24th October, 2005

"Hi Dearest! Just had to think about you and wanted to say that I love you :) Looking forward to our future. *kiss*"

30th October, 2005

Angel:

The day that I've met you, I've opened my eyes
Everything changed since you've come into my life
Different emotions, I didn't have before
I'll never go my way alone anymore

So stay by my side, let's go for a ride
To distant places high up in the sky
My love's so true, it's stronger than I knew
Give me your hand, I'll always follow you!

2nd November, 2005

The situation is deteriorating. The battery is losing its will to go on in such poor conditions.
Ever since Ehud replaced Gil as our new battery commander, people started losing motivation.

Less days at home, more intensive training, punishments are more severe, there are now classes and exams that we have to take. From now on, we must walk with our weapons loaded, increasing the risk of releasing a bullet by mistake.

Even the commanders dislike Ehud. He doesn't seem to care. Military readiness is his 1st priority. It might also be his only priority.

I called Angel and talked with her for 20 minutes. Oh, it was soooo great! I'm looking forward to chatting with her.

She currently hangs out with a 20 year old guy, she told me. But they only talk. She even pays for her drinks by herself.

It appears that she didn't write that poetry by herself, but she feels every word of it. She said she'll always love me and no one else. I feel the same.

Even in such a bad period, her words make me happy! She missed her favorite TV series "The O.C." just to talk to me. I'm so happy! :)

Nobody has ever respected me that much. She's never said a bad word about me, she's never argued with me about anything. It's amazing that such people exist in this world. I wish everyone could find their soul mates like I did. It's something worth living for. She's definitely worth dying for.

Angel... I'll be damned if I ever hurt you!

3th November, 2005

We are now on high alert. Intelligence reports indicate that Hezbollah is planning to launch a strike anytime soon.

That means the following for us:
Teams don't go home. Everyone wakes up early in the morning. Nobody sleeps in the dorms, but outside the howitzers, ready for immediate response.

4th November, 2005

2 teams were finally released home. 18 days in the army is a long time.
We were ordered not to talk with our friends and family about everything that's going on here at the moment. Hezbollah might be listening to our conversations.

At noon, the operation began: Just a few minutes ago, we were confident that nothing was going to happen, but there we were, directing intensive fire towards southern Lebanon!

After 4 months of silence, the sky rained thunder, a noise that planted confusion both in the Israeli and Lebanese towns in the region.

We fired about 40-50 shells very rapidly. I prayed to God we didn't kill or injure any innocents. We are being told of the results, but you can't tell how accurate they are. You'll never know if you did something terrible. This is why I wished I wouldn't have to serve here, but there I was.

Lebanese news reported fire exchange between the Israeli army and Hezbollah, which is untrue.

Israeli news reported IDF's denial of those claims. IDF said it was only military training and a warning shot to Hezbollah in order to foil any future attempt of Hezbollah to carry out attacks on Israel.

According to IDF, the shells landed in Israeli territory. Have they? I doubt but sure hope so.

5th November, 2005

One of the teams was called back to the base at night. They were release home yesterday and now they were called back to the base. Poor guys! So unfair...

Today we've had some training. By the time that we finished, a car arrived to our base. It was channel 2 news! They asked us to do keep training so they could shoot us on camera.

In the evening we all anxiously waited for the news to start. They showed us in an article about the escalation in the north. Some guys were shown distinctively, I was only shown a couple of times barely recognizable.

That's the second time I'm on the news. Hehe. But bah, that doesn't count really.